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Where to even begin with this. I guess it is getting harder and harder to believe I'm just ill with each further completely wacky and illogical thing I experience. I look for explanations just for hope now, but it further feels like I'm clutching at straws.

So my coincidences have gotten more complex. Where they used to be random events, they became made out of things I had focused on, then they became literally things I had seen in my dreams appearing as if by magic the same day. Now, they are intricate things that I surely must be making happen down to the minute detail. Put it in the solipsism column if you like.

It came to a head the other day when I was walking around town. I went into a health shop thinking I "I'll look to see if by the slimmest chance they have brought back the old type of flapjack i liked back which they had changed about a year ago and made worse". Lo and behold, new packaging, but the old flapjack sitting right there.

Unremarkable on its own, but it got me thinking about the other stuff I had magically made appear when I wanted it to come back...Ben and Jerrys baked alaska, that pair of pink vans tnt's I wanted amongst other things. Fantastic in a vacuum, not so much when coincidences have taken over your life. I began to find more and more examples of this type of thing happening...

The clincher though. 20 minutes later, I meet up with my girlfriend. She comes to me with coincidences sometimes as sharing them she has known to help. But this time it comes kind of off the cuff. "Actually thinking about it, that skirt I found that I was telling you about was kind of a coincidence... You see I was thinking about how I really wanted to see it in that sample sale, and then when I went there I found it...."

Yet again the pure intricacy of this down to the very detail has sent me in to absolute meltdown. I become purely convinced this is not the real world or something to those effects because she brings to me this coincidence that becomes two-fold because it is exactly the kind of coincidence I was focused on. I tend to believe anything but illness is the explanation now.

On top of this. Some might recall how I would see the number 27 over and over again every time I looked at the time on my phone. Daily, at least once. No more, I now see anything but this. I have thought so much about how much I wanted it to stop, that it has now stopped. I haven't seen it at random at all in days, despite the fact I am now more focused on it than ever. This debunks the explanation that I was seeing them because I was subconsciously looking for them. Because now I am doing so both consciously and unconsciously and alas nothing.

I'm tired, so very tired of this. It's not a life. I disappeared 3 years ago into a world that no longer makes sense. I just can't believe that I'm ill, because it always gets proven wrong.

I was always a logical person. I always looked at the physical evidence that was presented at me before I made my theory. That is exactly what I do here all the time. I am seeing all of these things. I was not at all spiritual and yet now magic and the world not being real seems the most reasonable explanation. Yet I am not spiritual and don't believe in magic so this means that this is not the real me or the real world.

So I am scared, petrified. Of a world I have too much control of, but not enough of. What the fuck do I do? I can see the appeal of cutting right now because at least that is translatable. I wouldn't want to do it because I hate myself or because I'm sad, but because I'm confused and maybe it will tell me what I believe in.

Fuck this.
 

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Coincidences are a funny thing. They actually happen pretty often but when you become very focused on them happening, you tend to notice them happening more than usual because your focused on them.

The thing about the time and it reading 27. Have you considered that your brain DOES run on a clock and perhaps it just unconsciously thinks of looking at the time around that time because your so focused on it? Perhaps the first time u noticed it as 27 again seemed weird and now your seeing it again and again cause your brains just focused on it? Things that seem weird or strange we tend to focus on and it then makes even more things seem strange.

I think your just too focused on it. Life is full of coincidences and its just cause everythings intimately connected. Everyone experiances these things. Me and my best friend tend to share certain trains of thought even though we live a state away from one another and its usually very specific and freaky. But this is a common thing so dont freak out so much about it. If you want relief, it may help to research the science of coincidences and why they happen.
 

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Same as the first post.

Adding to that is the rejection i get from the denizens of this world. Something drives them and it doesnt drive me (anymore). They seem uncomfortable with my presence as well.
 
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