It has hit me lately that all I feel like any more is a burden to the people I love. I am always sad, im always upset and I feel my family has to put up with it. I dont know how much of it I show to them, but I feel like I am just in the way.
I just feel like sometimes if I slip away into the night what does it matter. Hell I know my parents love me, I know my friends love me. It's just sometimes I feel like I am such a mess that I dont feel I belong anywhere. I feel like some kind of freak. I feel like everyone is normal and I am here alone in this world of my own. Its as if I just want to escape to some island and be by myself, I just want to be alone. I'm too odd to be around people.
Thing is no one can tell that I am that odd, it does not show, but I feel as if I am an alien. I am not in the right place. And sometimes I just wanna be alone and deal with this away from everyone else.
I felt I was truely getting better and I would like to tell everyone there is hope. I was making great progress. Then I had a car accident, flipped a car (well the huge 4 foot bump in the road which acted as a ramp didnt help) and got a bad concision. I had no recelection of that night. I dont remember anything that happen. I was so bad the next day i went into my room when I woke up and I saw a halo game all set up with a screen two players were playing. well my friend was over and I could not remember that he was, and there was food on my desk i had no idea how it got there.
My congitive abilities were rather limited the first few days. I felt completey mashed. It has gotten better in the past two three weeks but my memory is still bad as if I was back three months ago when I was coming off of marijuana with mental fog. I feel a mess.
My friends have gone off to college, I wish them goodluck, I decided to take a semsiter off (bad concusion on tuesday classes start thursday, couldnt do it). So I am stuck at home alone. And the one thing in my life that was keeping me going was a girl that I loved dearly. Well as with everyone else she moved too, she moved to philadelphia to pursue a new job. I really started to click with her at the start of august. She became one of my better friends. All I wanted was one night to be alone with her. I just wanted to tell her how I feel. I wanted to tell her I love her, even though i know love is something you experience in time, I didnt care I just wanted to express myself to her so much. Well Summer came to an end and the last two weeks I was in bad condition from my accidnet. I just really want to pick up the phone and tell her everything, but I cant see this working in the future. Never did get a chance to say how I felt, I live about 45 mins away from the city I guess I could visit her. But it just seems that its over and its my time to say goodbye but I cant let go quite yet. Egh I just wish I had her in my life, it would make my life so much easier and meaningful.
right now I am reflecting and feeling sad, I guess its a lot of self-pity, which is stupid and rarely do think of self-pity, but I think at some point everyone has the right to feel that. so fuck it I feel bad about everything. Its late, I've had some to drink so it probably doesnt really make much sense but...
Anyway I guess I just wanted to vent and wonder if anyone else feels the same way about just being a burden and feeling like it would be better if you just dissapeared. Sounds stupid but I just feel low right now, I just felt like if anyone would understand it would be the people on this forum.
I just feel like sometimes if I slip away into the night what does it matter. Hell I know my parents love me, I know my friends love me. It's just sometimes I feel like I am such a mess that I dont feel I belong anywhere. I feel like some kind of freak. I feel like everyone is normal and I am here alone in this world of my own. Its as if I just want to escape to some island and be by myself, I just want to be alone. I'm too odd to be around people.
Thing is no one can tell that I am that odd, it does not show, but I feel as if I am an alien. I am not in the right place. And sometimes I just wanna be alone and deal with this away from everyone else.
I felt I was truely getting better and I would like to tell everyone there is hope. I was making great progress. Then I had a car accident, flipped a car (well the huge 4 foot bump in the road which acted as a ramp didnt help) and got a bad concision. I had no recelection of that night. I dont remember anything that happen. I was so bad the next day i went into my room when I woke up and I saw a halo game all set up with a screen two players were playing. well my friend was over and I could not remember that he was, and there was food on my desk i had no idea how it got there.
My congitive abilities were rather limited the first few days. I felt completey mashed. It has gotten better in the past two three weeks but my memory is still bad as if I was back three months ago when I was coming off of marijuana with mental fog. I feel a mess.
My friends have gone off to college, I wish them goodluck, I decided to take a semsiter off (bad concusion on tuesday classes start thursday, couldnt do it). So I am stuck at home alone. And the one thing in my life that was keeping me going was a girl that I loved dearly. Well as with everyone else she moved too, she moved to philadelphia to pursue a new job. I really started to click with her at the start of august. She became one of my better friends. All I wanted was one night to be alone with her. I just wanted to tell her how I feel. I wanted to tell her I love her, even though i know love is something you experience in time, I didnt care I just wanted to express myself to her so much. Well Summer came to an end and the last two weeks I was in bad condition from my accidnet. I just really want to pick up the phone and tell her everything, but I cant see this working in the future. Never did get a chance to say how I felt, I live about 45 mins away from the city I guess I could visit her. But it just seems that its over and its my time to say goodbye but I cant let go quite yet. Egh I just wish I had her in my life, it would make my life so much easier and meaningful.
right now I am reflecting and feeling sad, I guess its a lot of self-pity, which is stupid and rarely do think of self-pity, but I think at some point everyone has the right to feel that. so fuck it I feel bad about everything. Its late, I've had some to drink so it probably doesnt really make much sense but...
Anyway I guess I just wanted to vent and wonder if anyone else feels the same way about just being a burden and feeling like it would be better if you just dissapeared. Sounds stupid but I just feel low right now, I just felt like if anyone would understand it would be the people on this forum.
