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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I’m writing this down partially for my own sanity, but maybe it would help someone else too. There is something deeply rooted in my psyche that just wants to continue thinking and searching for some kind of an answer. I don’t even know what I am trying to get out of life anymore, but this constant search has proven to be very tiring. My mind is on a race track, and it doesn’t know how to stop and sit still. This... sucks.
 

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I’m talking to myself hard as hell and I can’t stop talking and to be honest mine started off scary as hell and I’m drunk and to be honest I answered a phone call I was drunk as fuck how did I end up not knowing what’s real what’s not being able to be real because I wanna talk to him on the phone and I’m mad because I lost his number I was drunk as fuck off a drink a drank and I’m drunk still trying to sober up and I wish we could talk again but I’m foggy in the thoughts looking for my numb brain I need the chat to reopen and I need need to smoke more but I’m like so out of touch with my body and reality.
 

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Yeah, for me this kinda defines my mental illness, obsession and obsessive thinking. It's not easy to break down because it's often born of trauma which leaves an imprint mentally. Survival is a primal urge, so when we've felt that threat it's hard to let go completely, just in case.
I don't have a magic wand unfortunately, but I just keep using logic and reason to break down my fears and recognize them as illusion.
 

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Oh wow I’m mentally ill? No I’m not mentally ill im just feeling sick but I do know that I got too sick to be left alone isn’t the answer anymore I do know what sad days feel like and am a very uplifting person now and love lifitinf people upnto positive light and feel better a little after doing affirmations but it’s no traumas that I remember or can recall att the top of my head. abut derelaization is severe for me with out of body experiences!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yeah, for me this kinda defines my mental illness, obsession and obsessive thinking. It's not easy to break down because it's often born of trauma which leaves an imprint mentally. Survival is a primal urge, so when we've felt that threat it's hard to let go completely, just in case.
I don't have a magic wand unfortunately, but I just keep using logic and reason to break down my fears and recognize them as illusion.
You hit the nail on the head. But, in my case I’m actually trying to break or “fight” that trauma rooted deep in my subconscious just so I don’t feel on edge all the time.
 

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I’m writing this down partially for my own sanity, but maybe it would help someone else too. There is something deeply rooted in my psyche that just wants to continue thinking and searching for some kind of an answer. I don’t even know what I am trying to get out of life anymore, but this constant search has proven to be very tiring. My mind is on a race track, and it doesn’t know how to stop and sit still. This... sucks.
I searched for some kind of answer for 40 years, and I found it. Something happened during my first attempt at intoxication with cannabis. I went "through the looking glass", if you will. I was left with a head tremor, migraine aura, spells of unreality, and recurrent episodes of major depression at intervals of 8 years or so. Medical doctors were helpless to explain the transition I underwent following the trauma at age 17. At age 57, I was still searching. I googled into a British Medical School library and into the neurological section. There, I found a case history that matched my own in every minute detail. Eureka! I had found it. I was suffering from a rare epileptic syndrome. I was a "worst case scenario" as my post ictal psychosis had "segued into an affective disorder of major depression." My spells of unreality were focal temporal lobe seizures. An EEG confirmed my diagnosis. This information put my 40 years of suffering into focus and I was able to be properly diagnosed, treated, and to live again. I hope everyone finds their answer.
 
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