Just want to update my story regarding the post viewtopic.php?t=94195
Yesterday we have a meet up for dinner. We settled out everything, the anxiety and the feelings she get in Cambodia is true, but it is entirely unrelated to our relationship/ or maybe a little bit, she said that last month she had almost fully recovered. Since she had move into full christian life, she had find peace and herself, and her attitude changed, she started to think of herself rather than think for others because in the past she was thinking for others only. Well it might be good for her in the future.
Our relationship broken is due to attitude problem, maybe at the starting we should not be together, at that time she was stress at work, and she needs accompany and caring maybe, and i gave her all she wants, that time got other colleagues was chasing her and even better than me, but instead she choose me, maybe she just got all the feelings to me that time, and i believe when we were together, she was so in love with me, she admitted that, but when times passes, it comes to reality, she might thinks that i am immature enough for her, and i was thinking to love a person should have try to sustain and keep on going, but actually it wasn't, what she said is correct, maybe at the past i did something that she don't like but she keen to let me do so because she was only think for the others. But i am still wondering is the anxiety that she get in cambodia, after it gone, she feel so relief and wanna be herself, and don't want to be in a relationship at the moment, she can be so cruel of letting go of our relationship whereas i did nothing wrong so badly like betrayed her or something, just because i lost control or emotional unstable that leads her to that, well, it was my fault of lost control but it is normal for a person to lost control and quarrel with her when a person dont know whether is that anxiety or attitude that leads our relationship to this? I am innocent all the time and guilty and she don't want to give me the second chance anymore, i am so sad and i wanted to get her back, but now it is extreme hard.
We was in tears when we were talking, i can't let go of her, she feel guilty of dragging our relationship for the beginning until the end, she stays so firm for her decision, she wants to move on for herself and hope i will move on too, she holds no chances for our future is because she don't want me to feel hopeless at the end, she hope that we can be friend back and don't be too sad about our past, she feel thankful that i take care of her for that particular months, we had a very serious yet gorgeous relationship that we had never been, but still, love is no right or wrong, we do not care how other people gonna judge us, but i won't want her to let other people saying her bad words, i admitted i still can't let go of her, but instead of giving her happiness, i love her, i will let her go to do what she wants, i don't dare to think about future whether we got the chance to be together or not, but if we are destined to be together, we will be together.
Well, it takes some time for me to move on, but at least i felt relief because i do not have questions around whether is because of anxiety or because of attitude, whatever will be, will be. Thank you guys for giving me great advise even though i am not listening, but as i said, when i get an honest answer from her face to face, give a closure, and this is our ending of our relationship.