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the Delusion of Inventing the World

1554 Views 7 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  lone wolf
Gstile and a few other (brave) souls here have admitted to having the delusion of ?I feel like I have made up the entire world.? Yep. THAT was the killer for me, too. It sounds so ridiculous and so esoteric, like something a bunch of laughing kids would discuss over some good dope and a long evening of creative thinking. It?s not. It?s petrifying.

I used to truly honest to God believe that I had invented the Universe. I felt like I was EVERYthing?.that my moods caused weather, that my anger made things break, that my desire made people FEEL something even if they were not in the room. It didn?t really matter, of course, because there were no people anyway ? only figments of my own imagination. I was All. My entire life experience had been nothing but a thought ? as if, as in The Matrix, I was lying something unconscious and dreaming up every sensory experience I had ever had.

HOW can a non-psychotic human mind actually fall into this kind of insane delusion?

The good news is that a non-damaged brain CAN. And the bad news is that it?s not even very hard.

In a regressed state, the mind can create an Experience of something that would otherwise only be an Idea.

Normal people are perfectly capable of saying ?you know?.I?ve been seeing my entire life differently lately ? this marriage I?ve been in for ten years, it?s like I just kept seeing the Ideal Marriage that I wanted to see ? but it?s NOT the real relationship that Dave and I have..?
?I feel like everything I do has so much importance ? or potential consequences, and I can?t know ahead of time what?s the right decision?so I get so scared of making ANY decision.?

Those are not nutty thoughts. They?re METAPHORS for the personal experience that the person is going through ? they are using language (and symbols) to clarify some very complicated emotional states or issues.

But?.put a neurotic person into a dissociative and regressed state, and the metaphor becomes reality. The ?notion? of what the person is saying is perfectly normal ? ?life IS subjective and to a certain extent we all ?invent? our own take on things..? But?now take that notion and make it REAL ? the person suddenly feels like he actually IS inventing the world, and that nothing exists except his own thoughts.

The nightmare we experience in these delusions is based in SOMEthing genuine, but in that regressed mental state we can?t make the distinction between metaphor and truth. So we end up actually believing the symbolic meaning of our insecurities and fears ? and we become ?lost? inside a delusion that feels so insane, and so isolating, and so terrifying that we can?t tell reality from fantasy.

The Source of those delusions is a normal human issue. The Experience of them, however, in regressed mental states, becomes a terrifying acid trip-like solipsistic mind game that is paralyzing.

And that?s why I say, (and psychoanalysts say, its not just me, lol) that if you can work on the Ordinary fears/issues you have, you can find a way to DEAL with the ordinary ?stuff? that is sourcing those delusions. Working directly on the delusion won?t work. Working on the stuff behind it can work beautifully. The problem is that when you truly believe you invented the universe, you?re not particularly motivated to bother with things like ?fear of intimacy? or ?fear of failure? or ?fear of not living up to one?s grandiose self-image.? PUSH. Those kinds of fears are the keys to your freedom, even though they feel ridiculously petty compared to believing you are god.
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Janine, yah i often felt that way too. We're all a bit egocentric like that, don'tcha think :::laughs::: =) I call that my "Dante's Inferno Purgatory Feeling" or "The Jacob's Ladder Experience". It's really very scary to not believe that the world exists, and a God has shunned your (whatever you believe), or that this is all a dream. I could've sworn I died, and it was "Appearing as monsters...and until you forgive yourself will stay monsters...and when you do, angels will appear and you will ascend to heaven" or so Danny Aiello says in that movie. hahaha. =) I just think that we become so obsessed with ourselves with our illness that we have to have some overreactive rationale to have our "ENTIRE EXISTENCE" taken away. We think of our lives in terms of before and after, and we want before SOOOO bad. Therefore we have to invent a tragedy like "Dying and inventing reality in purgatory" or etc. to rationalize a simple chemical imbalance or psychobiological impairment that doctors are working on curing. (Alot of this i posted in Spriggy's is DP/DR scary for you?)

I think we get over that whole Jacob's Ladder thing real quick, because, we don't ever kinda "wake up again" bouncing back and forth, and other cool dreamy stuff. It just kinda sucks...and we all think "well if it were a dream, i'd give myself superpowers, a great build (or bust, haha), and rock the world in every way possible...not be sad lonely and grey in front of a computer". y'know wot i mean?

besides, what you can do in life...even if it is sacrificed in one's opinion... (i.e. i'm a horse that's gone lame, so i might as well be shot!) can amount to so much. you could never feel reality again, and donate to the tsunami victims all your being and soul for the rest of your life, and see that joy, cry those tears, and realize..."hey man, something greater than me is happening here, i can't have invented it."

I remember watching only reruns on tele cos i was afraid i was gonna make up too much scary stuff on the evening news. HA!


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