Gstile and a few other (brave) souls here have admitted to having the delusion of ?I feel like I have made up the entire world.? Yep. THAT was the killer for me, too. It sounds so ridiculous and so esoteric, like something a bunch of laughing kids would discuss over some good dope and a long evening of creative thinking. It?s not. It?s petrifying.
I used to truly honest to God believe that I had invented the Universe. I felt like I was EVERYthing?.that my moods caused weather, that my anger made things break, that my desire made people FEEL something even if they were not in the room. It didn?t really matter, of course, because there were no people anyway ? only figments of my own imagination. I was All. My entire life experience had been nothing but a thought ? as if, as in The Matrix, I was lying something unconscious and dreaming up every sensory experience I had ever had.
HOW can a non-psychotic human mind actually fall into this kind of insane delusion?
The good news is that a non-damaged brain CAN. And the bad news is that it?s not even very hard.
In a regressed state, the mind can create an Experience of something that would otherwise only be an Idea.
Normal people are perfectly capable of saying ?you know?.I?ve been seeing my entire life differently lately ? this marriage I?ve been in for ten years, it?s like I just kept seeing the Ideal Marriage that I wanted to see ? but it?s NOT the real relationship that Dave and I have..?
?I feel like everything I do has so much importance ? or potential consequences, and I can?t know ahead of time what?s the right decision?so I get so scared of making ANY decision.?
Those are not nutty thoughts. They?re METAPHORS for the personal experience that the person is going through ? they are using language (and symbols) to clarify some very complicated emotional states or issues.
But?.put a neurotic person into a dissociative and regressed state, and the metaphor becomes reality. The ?notion? of what the person is saying is perfectly normal ? ?life IS subjective and to a certain extent we all ?invent? our own take on things..? But?now take that notion and make it REAL ? the person suddenly feels like he actually IS inventing the world, and that nothing exists except his own thoughts.
The nightmare we experience in these delusions is based in SOMEthing genuine, but in that regressed mental state we can?t make the distinction between metaphor and truth. So we end up actually believing the symbolic meaning of our insecurities and fears ? and we become ?lost? inside a delusion that feels so insane, and so isolating, and so terrifying that we can?t tell reality from fantasy.
The Source of those delusions is a normal human issue. The Experience of them, however, in regressed mental states, becomes a terrifying acid trip-like solipsistic mind game that is paralyzing.
And that?s why I say, (and psychoanalysts say, its not just me, lol) that if you can work on the Ordinary fears/issues you have, you can find a way to DEAL with the ordinary ?stuff? that is sourcing those delusions. Working directly on the delusion won?t work. Working on the stuff behind it can work beautifully. The problem is that when you truly believe you invented the universe, you?re not particularly motivated to bother with things like ?fear of intimacy? or ?fear of failure? or ?fear of not living up to one?s grandiose self-image.? PUSH. Those kinds of fears are the keys to your freedom, even though they feel ridiculously petty compared to believing you are god.