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I want to write this entry because I have never seen one written explicitly about this topic, despite it seeming to be a hugely relevant issue with DP/DR. At least, that is, it's hugely relevant to me and this is something I'm unfortunately only now coming to terms with 6 years into suffering from this disorder.

What I want to write about is the deep grief that comes with DP/DR. A YouTuber who's videos I found a great comfort during the start of my suffering (raleighrailfan is his username) memorably put it well. Ironically, I cannot remember what he said verbatim nor remember what exact video he said it in, but I remember he describes DP/DR as inducing the deepest sadness in you due to the invalidation of everything you hold as real, true, and dear to you. This, I think, is spot on and important.
Most of us have at some point considered what it would be like to die and observe the aftermath of our death. Even if not that specifically, we have considered what might happen to the world and our loved ones after we die. This triggers a great sadness in the considerer, who realised the world will go on and they will not be able to take part in it, sharing experiences with their loves ones and the world. DP/DR is like an actualisation of this scenario. With DP/DR, as you know, you are taken away from your life, your reality, your loved ones, your hobbies and interests, your ups and downs, your personality, selfhood, soul! This, for me at least, creates an unmanageable sadness. Looking at one's mother and seeing nothing but alien, dead, plastic matter move in an anthropomorphised manner is the deepest pain the heart can feel.

I now believe it is this sadness that I have been attempting to escape for so long, with many fallacious and counterproductive coping mechanisms, which I have used to numb and distract myself from my emotions. This is so important because DP/DR, as is often stated by professionals and sufferers, is largely the brain's reaction to traumatic and stressful emotions and events. I think they also say that sufferers are people who avoid painful emotions in general, so the way to better oneself so as to completely eradicate the brain's need to do this is to face the emotions, process them, move on from them, and realise they don't pose any life-threatening danger. So (for me at least), the primary emotion I feel and am running from is this deep grief caused by DP/DR, and certainly I have been running. I recall countless times when I feel deep sadness and longing when I realise I am missing out on my life and I almost trigger my symptoms purposely just to numb the feelings and distract myself. Worse still, I have also lost two close family members in the last few years. Not only have I lost them, I lost my last moments with them to DP/DR.

Since the only thing I really am with this disorder is a pained soul longing for reality and suffering deep grief, that grief is what I must get in touch with, and, in turn, I should be able to get in touch with myself again.

I hope one or two readers can resonate with this to a considerable degree that might help them clarify their own suffering and feelings.
 

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Over time persistent DP leads to depression....The anxiety settles and depression becomes the norm...

Its the classic loss of all hope scenario...Its also what people mean when they say everything is pointless or meaningless or brings no joy....

After many years of dealing with DP i definitely am now a more depressed person than an anxious one....While I still deal with DP symptoms as part of it...

There will always be an emptiness inside of me....I refer to it as my DP void........Nothing has ever been able to fill that void in me...Ive just learned to live with it and accept it as part of me....Simply because I couldnt fight it off anymore....Ironically by giving up the fight it helped ease the pain....
 

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Yes. 100% yes. I always thought dpdr was traumatic by itself. It very much does cause a deep sadness in me too. And i dont know if anyone i know can understand what cronic dpdr is like. Some of them have had brief or similar feelings before but its not the same. I have to pretend im ok when im not. And i try to fight it or ignore it and distract myself with what i find more important. The worst part is when im trying to spend time with someone and i get reminded that everything feels automatic and fake and thinking we are all just biological machines and then it makes my time with that person or people seem meaningless...
 

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I cant even feel sadness due to dp . only sometimes I get some feeling of guilt like when I remember what I did to my family and friends in the past and then I have to cry but for the most part I feel like a robot while on dp . instead of sadness I rather feel anxiety and a feeling of being trapped and freaking out because of the dp like wtf is going on

it is possible that the "sadness" you feel is rather frustration and emtpyness
 

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It makes me feel very sad, isolated and unimaginably dreadful when i think we are just cells clumped together that work as a machine. This, though, is just something that needs to be thought out in a more positive light. Yes, we are "biological machines" but we are more than just that. There are things we do, such a play video games or take up hobbies that have nothing to do with survival and argue against just being a machine of cells that works to survive. I think the way out of feeling like things are just happening on an automatic level is to get in tune with ones emotions. But thats no walk in the park, espessially with dp/dr. Its pretty much something u have to relearn to do when afflicted with dissociation and thats because dissociation is working to numb emotions and does a very good job of doing so . I think it depends on the person and how their dp/dr is affecting them at the time. Some days id feel nothing at all, others id feel anxiety and trapped and others id feel sadness, depression or anger because of how dpdr has affected my life and/or how i think and perceive everything and some days its a mixture throughout the day.
 
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