[Katieaw21]

Um hey I'm new here hope everyone is doing okay. Thanks to anyone who reads this. This may seem like an irrelevant love story but i think it's the cause. So I was friends with this boy and we got the bus home together sometimes. Anyway he was really friendly and used to message me as well. Then I got a crush on him. Liked him for about 3 weeks then he kinda said he liked me too and we spoke quite a lot for a week(he was quite sexual quite quickly) then it stopped for about a week then it started again and we were kinda a thing. He said he didn't want a proper relationship more like fb but we were talking like everyday (it was quite kinky more than anything else) but he was still nice and cute and we planned to go on a date. (Lasted about 2 weeks). Then he started being more cold and was like 'just sex and nudes', didn't message me and when I got the bus with him I started to feel dead with him. Like I didn't have anything to say to him anymore, I just felt really dead and numb inside. Anyway I cried etc then we officially ended it and I felt calm, almost content. He said we could still be friends (he then cut me off&avoided me).Very quickly I kinda forgot what it was like before and it almost felt like the whole thing never happened. Then I was beginning to question if I was bi polar because I would wake up feeling bad then have so many mood swings like laughing hysterically about even him then crying the next and it wasn't really dependent on what was going on around me. This was when I had thoughts of dp/dr, I started to feel like everything was a dream and I felt more alive when I was dreaming. Bc I still had my emotions I assumed it was because i was so emotional. But i was paying a lot of atrention to how i felt all the time. Skip a few weeks, the boy sent a message saying bored on thurs then Friday-saturday the dp got really bad I had those feelings of what is life etc. I went back to school for a week and was messaging this boy again and I felt kinda happy. Then it was easter,I was fine for 2 days,the boy made me cry making a dickhead comment and ever since I've had dp quite badly and didn't help that I was alone apart from my parents and I had no internet access and I felt so isolated and cut off. It has improved slightly going back to school but I still feel really detached from my memories and really isolated from the people around me and feel so hollow and numb and I don't feel depressed but don't really see the point in living and cba for the future. I also can't get to sleep and have difficulty remaining alseep even tho I'm exhausted. I cant concentrate on revision as a result hence the previously straight a* star kid is failing. So is it possible that I got dp as some kinda defense mechanism? But I wasn't even into this guy that much?! I'm only 17 hence the immature love story lol too much detail sorry! I just feel like knowing why I got it might be key to trying to get over it because I didn't really have anxiety before. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated xx

 

[Phantasm]

Hi,

Often it's not just one thing, but an accumulation of stresses that can get to a point where DP kicks in, so this disappointing relationship with this boy might just have been a bit more than you could cope with right now. Even if you weren't that into him, he may still have knocked your confidence, plus the mind can stockpile associated experiences, so it might have been a trigger, like one too many items in the "feeling let down" pile. It is very possible you have it as a defense mechanism.

I would try to accept your feelings, and be supportive in your self-talk to help yourself through it, just as you would be to a good friend. You mentioned you felt better when you were back at school, and that maybe because you had other people around you and were active and engaging with other things, so I would try to keep doing that. Give yourself time and try not to worry about any strange sensations, and if you are still finding things hard maybe there's someone you can talk to at your school, like a councillor? Sometimes you just need someone to listen to and acknowledge what you're going through.

 

[Katieaw21]

Hey thank you for your help. Before this I had and have always had a lot of pressure on me to do well with school, dancing etc and I tend to bottle up my emotions and also anxiety and over-worrying that I'd never really addressed or had come to the surface. I am trying to pluck up the courage to go to my doctor and maybe the school counsellor. X