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18K views 57 replies 18 participants last post by  blankxi 
#1 ·
Derp
Are you experiencing BM and/or cogntive impairment/decline?
Yes, i'm paralyzed by BM/CI2234.92%
Yes, this is one of my main symptoms2234.92%
Yah, i gots me sum of dat57.94%
My intellectual capacity has not changed since getting DP46.35%
I have an overactive mind 1015.87%
 
#2 · (Edited by Moderator)
The term "blank mind" has been used 586 times in this forum. Considering that this term isn't well known, and seeing it being described as everything from retardation to mental fatigue it's safe to conclude that the prevalence is much higher than 586, and because of this i think it warrants its own dedicated thread.

The purpose of this thread is to gather the blank minders under one roof to create a more structured conversation instead of it being scattered all around the forum. It is also my hope that we'll establish a definition of this syndrome from our combined symptomatology. This is also the place to discuss symptom relief, day to day life with a comprimized cognition, possible treatment, ideas and thoughts. All things blank mind related essentially.

I might as well kick it off with a brief summary of my story.

I experienced sporadic depersonalization as a child due to early trauma. I was a very anxious and neurotic kid.

At the age of 14 i developed chronic DP following a 2 week existential freak-out. I lived just fine with this condition up until 2 years ago.

At this point i had been chronically depersonalized for 10 years. I started noticing cognitive decline.

Doing simple calculations got tougher, my language suffered, my short term memory deteriorated.

There were no apparent reasons for this sudden change in cognition. No traumatic events, no nothing.

Fast forward to may of this year, i contracted some form of gastrointestinal infection. Being who i am i intepreted this to be cancer which sent me into a hypochondrial tailspin. My brain responded to this by shutting down further cogntive functions to protect myself from my thoughts.

Well, my brain succeeded and i longer have conscious thoughts. A win for my cowardly brain, but a tragedy for me.

My life as a broccoli is what it is. i Haven't given up yet though. The bright side of this is that i feel no emotional despair. I'm shut down. I can stick around.

A perfect example of my challenges is writing this thread. Which took me two days . Two days of hard work, mind you.

The methodology i have employ to write anything is to google every word, every sentence i "think" might be fitting, paste them into the page, then try and organize them into a somewhat coherent sequence as best as i can.

The reason behind this is that i'm not able to visualize anything. I can't transport a sentence into my brain and determine whether it's correct or not.

Because, again, it's shut off. This is across the board. My brain doesn't register speech, writing, music etc. I can't recall anything, because it wasn't registered in the first place. It never happened. I can't watch series, i can't listen to the radio. I don't hear it.

Several times while writing this i had to literally repeat sentences out loud 50 to 100 times. And i have to do it at blistering speeds because it's wiped off my brain within milliseconds.

This should be enough to get us started.
 
#3 ·
I believe i experience Depersonalization, and I have an OVERACTIVE MIND. Specially when i laydown to sleep at night. A "thought branching overload".

Strangely, sometimes i have moment when i feel spaced out and feel like my mind is just blank.

My imagination is not how it used to be either. I still daydream very often during the day but its like its less vivid imagination.
 
#4 ·
Since 1 1/2 month that I am dp/dr (weed badtrip), and since my biggest fear happen to be schizophrenia... my mind have gone almost blank because of the level of anxiety (was already very anxious/depressed before my badtrip) I can "fonction" but it is like I'm on a nerve breakdown, I have memory and concentration but because of my fear level being too damn high I can't "grab them"... and that makes me worst.

I think what makes our mind goes blank is particulary the focus we have for other thing that we have no control on (our symptoms, fears etc) which doesn't let us have a "free mind"...
 
#5 ·
Bloody hell, I just came onto the forum to look of this and this is what I find.

"my life as a broccoli", you made me laugh and then i felt sad. Jesus, this is not what I want to be, nor what I want you to be.

This is the most fucking horrendous thing ever. I am sorry for swearing but its needs to be emphasised.

I was a very smart and sharp guy....now I am slow, cannot think or visualise, and as if I have Alzheimer's.

Not a clue what triggered it exactly, but I am looking into NMDA/glutamate for the cnogitive issues and maybe kappa receptor agonism for other aspects of dislocation.

Tbh, it's far too complex and I need to find a doctor who can help me. The NHS keep messing me around over stupid things. I am going to call a psychiatrist tomorrow and ask him for help and see if he can do anything.

I feel suicidal over this - probably like a lot of us. We need to get better!!!!!!
 
#7 ·
I often call the blank mind and depersonalization in general "the other side of humanity." Most people are feeling, thinking, perceiving, lively beings while we are empty, emotionless, thoughtless, disconnected creatures fighting for scraps of humanity not for our satisfaction, but in order to temporarily validate our precarious existence so that we do not fall into the pit of something that seems far worse than death and non existence, a nothingness that relentlessly attempts to eliminate any sense of existence by destroying everything which makes up the identity into smaller and smaller pieces in some of the most painful and mortifying ways possible.
 
#8 · (Edited by Moderator)
Considering this symptom lacks a definition of any kind
It's defined as the feeling of not having any thoughts.
 
#9 ·
I used to be very smart and had a huge imagination. I was quick-witted and funny. Now I can barely leave my bed. I don't have any conscious thoughts, it feels like I don't have a head at all. I can't recall anything or remember my past. Completely absent of thoughts, thinking, visualizing, imagining, planning, etc.

I have had DP happening to me for 7 years but there was a few times I came out of it for a bit and when I did I couldn't believe everything was still there. This episode has been 2 years long 24/7. Happened after a shocking break up. I feel hopeless in this. Someone mentioned Alzheimer's and I feel like this is similar to that.
 
#10 · (Edited by Moderator)
Hedgehog fuzz

I take it you're new to this so i'll take this oppurtunity to briefly inform you about the ineptitude of the "mental" "health" industry

First of all. You will never meet a mental health worker with a thorough understanding of DP. If such a therapist exists, we in this forum will know about it.

This is DP headquarters. We are the authorities on this condition. This is it. Every professional with an interest in DP is associated with this forum.

Believe me on this one. I've personally talked to every dissociation specialist in Scandinavia. The experience can be compared to talking with a borderline retarded 6th grader.

This needs to be understood. Besides, cognitive therapy seems unlikely to work without a cognition, wouldn't you agree?

That being said. If you want a prescription for a certain drug and if you can muster the strength to suffer through the required narcissistic meanderings of a psychiatrist,

it's worth it. "The London Mix" is the standard protocol. I'm currently on Lamictal. Did nothing for my DP/BM, but it gave me a lift.
 
#11 · (Edited by Moderator)
It's defined as the feeling of not having any thoughts.
Well, that's not an actual diagnostic definition. I'm looking for a consensus as to what constitutes a "blank mind" so that we can be more precise when talking about it .

I don't think of this as merely a symptom, but rather a condition all in of itself. Surely it's linked to DP, but yeah..
 
#12 ·
Did DP and BM strike simultaneously CoffieGirl? Or did BM develop gradually?

BM seems to me to be a very natural consequence of being disconnected from oneself over an extensive period of time.

If it's not used, it dies. This is common knowledge. I'd imagine the same to be true for our consciousness.
 
#15 ·
Yep. I used to have dp/dr with racing/looping thoughts, but that finally culminated into a blank mind, a void, if you will. It's as though my psyche couldn't handle the constant negative thoughts and emotions any longer that my mind had been "fighting" with and so it decided to check out.

This is the worst possible state I've ever been in and cannot imagine anything worse except for perhaps total insanity/psychosis.

Ever since this "blankness" began, I feel as though I've been trapped in an eternal moment of emptiness, despair, hopelessness and suicidal waves of terror practically daily. No enjoyment from anything, I function like a robot, walk the streets like a ghost, like the living dead.

I've been corresponding with someone who went through this state and came out of it in a year by grounding himself through yoga, meditation and doing activities he "enjoyed" so there is some sort of hope, although we need to take action for this to pass, as he says. It likely won't go away on its own, from what I understand. As some have been telling me so far - I need to "get back into my body."
 
#16 · (Edited by Moderator)
Keep us updated, hedgehog.

Dreamedm. I would also consider a fullblown psychosis worse than this. But i would do so in the sense that i would choose chronic leukemia over acute leukemia if that makes sense. With acute leukemia you live or you die. With chronic leukemia you certainly die, but you have all the time in the world and you're not in agonizing pain.

I see my friends struggling with anxiety, depression and other thought-induced horrors. i can't help but feel blessed for being shielded from this.

BM is like nature's horse tranquilizer and i actually don't want to jump back on the emotional rollercoaster.

The point being, we have time. At least, that's how i "feel".
 
#17 ·
I had psychotic elements to this when this all first started a few months ago. I stopped myself going into full blown psychosis through willpower but it was hard. It was the most horrendous thing imaginable. Life is horrendous now though with this blank mind. I used to have a constant internal dialogue and self-directedness towards actions and goals but now...nothing.

Maybe the theory that this is because it was too much for my mind to handle are true. I had some awful awful and unpredictable things happen last year.....things got rocked the foundations of who I am, some to do with sex, and so on. It destroyed me.
 
#19 ·
I'm also curious how you guys communicate this condition to friends and family?

I've never bothered telling anyone about this, and i never will. People know i'm mentally ill because of my reclusiveness and they often try to talk to me about it.

I find this excruciatingly awkward because i just have to go along and nod my head to stuff like "i'm so depressed, and my life is a mess".

And then they look at me like they want me to share my mental issues. I have none. I have no thoughts about the future, i have no aspirations, no views on anything.
 
#20 · (Edited by Moderator)
Huh. All this time I was almost sure that I've developed simple schizophrenia. But the amount of people suffering from the exact same symptoms like me is telling me that it might be chronic DP. I'm so confused...
 
#22 · (Edited by Moderator)
Blank mind, indifference (emotional numbness), anhedonia, apathy, no libido, tinnitus, muscle fasciculations (dunno if it's connected).
 
#24 ·
Stressful event. It escalated when I smoked weed. I woke up with anxiety, derealization and which was the scariest - HOCD.
 
#25 ·
Did you find the HOCD the scariest? Do you want to elaborate (if you feel comfortable).

HOCD really fucked me up. It's destroyed me practically. I know how you feel. Mine came after I experienced severe loss of control in sex addiction (it's real), and I fucked a transgender escort. That really was the start of a long line of awfulness.

Do you have hallucinations, delusions (like believing you are God or being controlled by Aliens), or anything else like perceptual abnormalities?
 
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