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Hello everyone!

When I first starting posting here I was a mess. A huge mess. I felt horrible, I started having unrealistic expectations of myself and I was a constant disappointment to myself.

I kept on angrily reading stories of recovery by others and it made me envious. I wanted to be better too. I was tired of feeling like there was something wrong with me and I'd never snap out of it.

Eventually I did what I noticed was a common trend in people's posts who started to feel better. I started to ignore it. I know this is difficult to say because when you fall victim to something like this it's all you can ever think about but it seriously started to help me.

The first thing I did that has helped me the most was eating properly. I noticed when I reduced my intake of food I started to gradually feel worse. I starved myself a number of times because I thought "what's the point of it anymore?" I basically felt like I was a lost cause and couldn't be "fixed." After I kept having properly scheduled meals again I started to get tired at regular times of the day.

I'm a mother so I have one son to take care of and he naps often. I used to nap with him so I could keep my mind off of the DP. These naps eventually lasted too long and took up most of my day. I would sometimes spend an entire day just sleeping. This made me feel worse because if the DP didn't already make me feel like I was wasting my life, the oversleeping definitely did. Eventually, I stopped napping and only slept early in the night.

I've been doing that for a while eating + sleeping right and while it might sound like the most basic advice (along with "ignore it") it's the thing that has helped me the most. More than any "grounding techniques" I've tried and more than any other method suggested here or anywhere else. Not saying this is going to work for everyone or that those won't work for anyone else, just that this is a personal experience and journey and nobody else can make you better.

I learned to accept things and deal with it. My relationship with my parents was not the best and I realize this. My life before DP was not the best and I realize this. I don't want to go back to my life before DP because this phase has helped me discover things about myself that I didn't know before. I finally learned how to talk to myself and figure out what's wrong. I figured out how to calm myself down, how to evaluate whether or not my reaction is actually worth it or if I'm just wasting my time spazzing about things. Nothing was "perfect" before DP and nothing will ever be "perfect." As soon as I let go of this attachment that I had to my "past life" I realized things would only get better from there.

It was a nightmare but I'm slowly getting over it. I'm going to be thankful because if I didn't experience this almost 2 year long nightmare I would have never discovered these things about myself.

I still have a lot to work on but I'm just happy I've come this far. Thanks for everyone who helped me and everyone who posts here in general. Your contributions help a lot of people. Bless everyone!
 
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