Im so fucking mad right now, and I dont fully know why. I think that its because after having endured all the things I have because of DP DR for the past 18 months Id like to believe it has been nothing more than just that DP/DR, not psychosis. I have read all of the posts from others relating to ideas of feeling as if/ seemed like other people were robots. And the more i read the more I think mine were nothing like these. I first had a thought "what if my teacher is a robot" and from there, it was as if they looked like robots. Obviously this is fucking madness, but this what if turned into what seemed like reality with everyone in the world. Even when I would tell my best friend he said i wasnt crazy, like the thoughts were weird, but i wasnt acting like i believed them or to him I hadnt lost my sanity, in fact none of the psychologists I have been to have said that, yet all the madness and ideas/ images, imagination that goes in my head would lead anyone to believe that the case is of lunacy. I have had ideas that "what if people are made in like a factory if theyre robots" and its like an image that goes in my head. Like if people were made of metal or some shit, I don't know the ideas have been endless. I feel like if a science fiction writer thought of this, he'd be like "SWEET IDEA" but for me, it is torture, cause i FEEL like a part of me believes it, and for so long i dave tried to not fall into the trap of it. Obviously its fucking crazy, but the fact that right after i think, "but what if" and its gets so much power just fucking infuriates me. If i focus reallly hard on how i felt when it was at its absolutely worst I can being myself back to, and its like this hyper-awareness of my consciousness and no one elses, theres no one but me, coupled with these thoughts, or sensations. I feel like no one else has experienced these ideas like I have, and it leads me to believe that even if I have sufered from DP/DR, I might have also been dealing with delusions or something.
Anyway I hope someone has some insight into this. Much love to everyone who is on this site reading this stuff. I hope you get through your struggles.
Anyway I hope someone has some insight into this. Much love to everyone who is on this site reading this stuff. I hope you get through your struggles.