[M A R S]

I started to feel my self acting a tiny bit more normal tonight, and frankly that terrifies me.

Maybe its the buspar Finley starting to work, or maybe its bi-polar disorder.

I feel normal and then freak out that that's wrong and its part of some mental illness i must have. Then i think if i start to get better what happens it this is all fake and I'm really just so much worse now.

Has anyone else ever had feelings like this?

 

[Sojourner]

There is only one solution.

 

[peacedove]

I have the opposite problem. I constantly wish I was normal. Then I could actually live my life instead of being terrified of reality and unreality and everything else.

 

[M A R S]

There is only one solution.

And?

 

[M A R S]

There is only one solution.

And?

Still waiting to know your "solution" Just put it in to words..

 

[Sojourner]

Oh, sorry, got lost researching klonopin and the benefits of using both Prozac and Wellbutrin.

You may not like my response: Do something that requires you to concentrate on what you are doing at the moment.

I only say that because if you are *doing* something you have to concentrate on, you cannot at the same time freak out with those thoughts you described. If your mind is not actively occupied with actually *doing* something, that is, if you are, let's say, passively watching television, you cannot prevent your mind from wandering over to those thoughts. I don't think the thoughts are all that worrisome, but you are worried and/or bothered by them. So, there's only one solution: do not give your mind the space in which to wander over to them.

I think that what's happening may be that you feel "better" but not totally normal. If you did feel totally normal, you would not have the fear that you are not normal. So, I'm not sure what if any medicine you're taking, but I don't think your worry is worrisome, particularly. If you cannot *do* anything, however, and you are NOT on any medicine, I would go to your doctor and ask for help.

 

[M A R S]

true

 

[Sojourner]

Of course I momentarily forgot you were starting buspar again. Sorry. Maybe you need a bit more time for it to kick in, too.

 

[blackwinded]

I'm also terrified of being normal. Actually, i think i'm pretty much phobic of it. I've been "insane" all my life. I have schizophrenia and i started hearing voices and seeing things when i was about 4. The delusions and other symptoms didn't develope until later on, but i have become very use to it all. For me, this is normal. When i was put on antipsychotic drugs about a year ago, just about all my symptoms went away and this only made me depressed and mad. I went off the meds, and for now, i refuse to be on them.

-Becka

 

[jake]

Hi Becka,
Lots of people I've known with bipolar with psychosis and schizophrenia go off their meds. So common this is. And when they'd say why, it was the same reasons you gave, plus they would say th meds made them feel "dead" kind of. Especially the one's with bipolar who experienced themselves as feeling really good, really capable, super duper energy during the highs. Without exception though I have to say all my friends who went off their meds would keep ending up in the hospital b/cuz of some form of the psychosis would put them in danger---forgetting to eat, dyas with no sleep, or their parents or somebody would be able to tell they weren't "making sense" and well..anyway they kept going back to hospital to be stabilized on meds again. I grew up with Mom saying the things she heard and saw were there and it was scary as a kids point of view...and, she was one of the most creative, imaginative, beautiful souls who ever walked the earth, so..I wish she wouldn't have suffered the way she did though. Wishing you good things and hope you find some connection on this board.