[yuri]

It is so strange because I couldn't understand what was happening to me and I had to get better to start to understand. And I had to understand to start to get better. In a way this has created a positive spiral upwards that gets stronger and stronger. The following are some of my experiences of DP.

I couldn't take stuff in. It is very hard to explain. I noticed it one night in bed. I tried to take in the lamp in the sealing. I could see it but I couldn't take it in. It is so hard to explain this. I don't know the words to describe it. This was my first realization about what was going on. I had been like this for years but had so much chaos in my life so I did not notice it.

I can understand things logically but emotionally it takes months, years ore hasn't happened yet.

This one I dont experience anymore. I felt for a long time that I was a coma victim. Anytime now I would wake up in a hospital bed after years in coma. The life I was living wasn't my life.

When I see a photograph of myself from 5 years ago I can relate and see myself in that picture. A newer picture and I don't know that person. The person in the photo doesn't exist. He is dead. It is hard to see this pictures.

Doesn't experience this one anymore. For those of you who are older maybe you remember the TV-show Dallas? For a couple of years they killed of a character in the show called Bobby Ewing. One episode he was back. His wife found him in the shower and the viewer would learn that the last couple of years in the show had just been a dream, I had some moments of clarity and they usually happened in the shower. When they happened I felt like Bobby Ewing from Dallas. The last couple of years had only been a dream.

This is some of the things I have understand recently that I felt I needed to get out. It is like a giant jigsaw puzzle but I trust my brain will dish out things in portion when I'm ready for them. In a way it shelter me from a very bad experience and I trust it is capable to heal me if I give it time and patience.

 

[yuri]

I had a wall inside my brain hindering med from being here and now. It was like a psychical wall, I could literary feel it inside my brain, but I couldn't get thru it. I was locked away somewhere deep inside my brain just observing. My actions where just automatic, like I was a robot with a human mind trapped inside.

 

[yuri]

Im not ready to talk about the pain and suffering in more detail. If I try I can see that I do it just to get sympathy, that people should know how hard it has been. That is not the right motivation to talk about it. Firstly I cant thru words describe my suffering and secondly it isn't important what people think about my sickness. It is like I want to justify my existence here by telling people I have suffered enormously. Sympathy is nice but an action motivated only to get it is not the way I want to go. So I will write about the pain when I am past the urges to persuade other people that I am a person who lived thru hell. If I feel I need it then.

 

[Al_pk]

Wow man. So much of what you describe especially in the first few paragraphs I've experienced and still am. Not being able to take stuff in... i tried to explain this to my mother. Whether or not people realise it they have an emotional connection and resonance with objects that you really notice when it's absent.

Old photographs, and even old videos. I see a complete man, with desires and ability to enjoy life, newer photos i see just a shell.

Understanding things logically but not emotionally.. so much of this man. I'm aware of my surroundings and events that happen, but it takes me years to understand events on an emotional level. And even then most life events just pass me by now and do not even make it into the subconcious.

I understand your pain. You sound like you're doing well. Kudos

 

[yuri]

Wow man. So much of what you describe especially in the first few paragraphs I've experienced and still am. Not being able to take stuff in... i tried to explain this to my mother. Whether or not people realise it they have an emotional connection and resonance with objects that you really notice when it's absent.

Old photographs, and even old videos. I see a complete man, with desires and ability to enjoy life, newer photos i see just a shell.

Understanding things logically but not emotionally.. so much of this man. I'm aware of my surroundings and events that happen, but it takes me years to understand events on an emotional level. And even then most life events just pass me by now and do not even make it into the subconcious.

I understand your pain. You sound like you're doing well. Kudos

Thank you for your uplifting words.