[Thisisnotlife]

hi everybody....
i have had depersonalization for long time and here have been different stages. worst thing is that i think i should do something and i have been everyday trying to change and get better... but nothing helps. now after awful hell! im in place where its total emptiness. nothingness. now day by day im just sitting here. worse is this that now im very aware of my surroundings.. its just that i feel so stuck in this nothingness state. i dont even care anymore ... life seems just boring. i feel like all the life has left me. and i feel fear towards other people and anger... cause i feel everybody is living and they just watch me like im crazy. i dont know which one is more worse.. feeling of total mind chatter and anxiety/trauma response or this zombie state. i have probably made myself like this by trying all the time and making myself tired. sometimes i was able to get little bit away from this but immediatly it came back i saw that i was feeling guilty and not worhy enough of this life... so its like i am really creating this subconsiously? and how can i change it and that what i have tryed to do. but nothing have helped me.
i would like to know is anybody here with me??

 

[Thisisnotlife]

i still can remember what it was like to feel normal. but then i see that im so stuck somewhere that heres nothing to do about it. this all happened day by day. everyday i was more broken. more out of life. then it left me like this. non human. only awarness watching things happen.