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Super Blank

905 Views 5 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Kieranwillz98
Hello again lol..

So I've been dealing with this recent bout of DPDR for about 4 months, but for the last 4 weeks I have been dealing with the most intense blank mind I've ever felt. It feels as though I am getting to a point of not being able to function properly. Even typing this post has taken an extreme amount of concentration. I literally feel nothing when I open my eyes in the morning, and its hard to believe I'm even awake. Even when this recent episode kicked in 4 months ago, I still was able to articulate my thoughts and feelings and be apart of the room I was in and at least have the effort to fake it.. but now that's all just gone. It feels like whatever part of my brain was handling my "auto pilot" just turned off and now I have to put extreme effort into simply moving. Also, it feels like lost the ability to monitor how I'm feeling on the day to day. How could I have dissociated from my own dissociation?? I used to be able to keep track of my symptoms and my level of disconnection from one day to another and now live just feels like one huge blur that I can't even wrap my head around. On top of all of that, my cognitive abilities are almost non existent. I can read/watch tv/have a convo but literally 0% of it goes into my minds eye and I loose track. All of these feelings are making it really hard to distract/move on from this horrible disorder and I just feel hopeless. Has anyone else gotten to this point?
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I look it at as being overwhelmed with existence. Even if your existence exists in a small area, in my case it’s my house, but the “existence” part i struggle with is all in my head. Constantly trying to organize my mind and figure all of it out. Even though I already know that “figuring it out” is actually counterproductive, because it doesn’t really end. And because it doesn’t end, what’s the point in going any further in figuring it all out if it means you aren’t at peace? Therefore, there’s a difference between figuring out yourself and just organizing intellectually every single thought. If I figured it out for myself then I just wouldn’t think so much. I believe the key here is balance, maybe
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