Unfortunately what i'm about to say will rub some people the wrong way but it is my true story.
I have been there, after the meds, after being in and out of hospital, after countless months searching for the answer and getting no where, I felt it.
I felt the sudden brick wall that smacks you in the face and says there's only one way out of the pain now!
In that moment it could have went very bad for my family if i had done it, and imagining them finding out I had done it completely shattered my heart into pieces.
At that moment when I couldn't be any lower, I found God.
I was never religious, I didn't even know how to be. I thought religion is embarrassing now a days but something was definitely there telling me that it wanted to help me.
I said in my head God how could it be you, I've never even bothered to consider you in my life, If i believe in you now I would just be using you to get out of this!
and when I said that the feeling of pure relief came over me, not a euphoric feeling but the feeling of weight being lifted.
I was hooked by something. I started going to church every sunday, then every sunday and wednesday. and eventually the pastor told me that god finds people in there weakest, rawest state, and when you doubt that he would want to help you is when he does.
Few months later I now try and help people with dp instead of asking for help!
Reason? - I'm Cured