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Im wondering how much im actively contributing to my dpdr through this obsessive metaawareness on things and myself.

Ive had DR for 16 years but it used to be totally in the background, only really affecting me in stressfull situations.

17 months ago i created DP within myself by being afraid of it(im a hypochondriac) and focusing in the self all day.(ive kind of overcome that now, its fluctuating tho)

EVer since my DR has been through the roof and im very confused about how much im contributing to it myself through seeing everything from this "metaperspective".

WHat i mean by that, is beeing overly aware that my present experience is my present experience and its all there is and i feel it completely detatches me from everything in the most fucked up way.

I cant focus on anything in my life at all, all im worrying about is my conscious experience.

Basically, this metawareness, which probably comes automatically with beeing aware of DpDR, is being extremely INDIRECT.

Instead of accepting the present for what it is, we go out of our way to question it and therefore disconnect even further.

I feel like this goes for all aspects of dpdr.

I can detatch from my identity, family, whole life through this "metaawareness" and suddenly nothing makes sense anymore. Is this just a natural ability of a philosophical mind?

I feel like im fighting the basic setup of existence..

I just want to return to my past DR state...i feel like i got completely catapulted out of life and im very unsure if im just keeping it at this extreme level myself or if its now permanentely worsened...

Any thoughts and advice is appreciated!
 

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I had that, still do but it becomes less powerful as time goes on. You kinda adapt to it and you fear it less...wish it would just go away but it not like i can forget about it so it stays. Its super disturbing like everything else in dpdr. Its scary cause i think itll stay forever cause im so used to it now but recovered people say everything goes away, including hyperwarness. Also "I feel like im fighting the basic setup of existence.." i resonate with that statement so much.
 

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I used to deal with that horribly. I remember like a year ago I said that "my own consciousness terrifies me". Incredibly disturbing and it's understandable that you can't really function with it. However I know this is said a lot though, but you basically have to weather out the storm. You eventually either get used to it or your brain tires out and you stop having those thoughts. Wish you the best of luck brother.
 

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I’m currently dealing with this exact problem. It’s slowly built to this point and it’s so bizarre and scary. It’s nice to know that some people have at least gotten over this. My symptoms keep changing and evolving and getting scarier over time. Still hopeful for recovery soon.
 
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