[ShyTiger]

The last three days i have been struggling. I have had a constant battering of dp then terror then dp then terror. I have been trying everything and is just not working. Last night my body would not relax and my muscles are so sore. My skin is sore to touch. Woke up this morning and cant calm down. Cant stop crying. Cant stop the shakes.Dp has made me feel my legs dont belong to its top and all of it dont belong to me. Couldnt go into work and now scared never will be able to back. So rang a therapist and she can see me at 1:45pm. So posting to try and distract myself. I was thinking of going to hospital. I just dont know. My mum just looked at me and said she doesnt know what to do. Neither do i. She has gone off to work and now alone with my terror.I know will recomend drugs. I am scared to take drugs cause then am i just masking probs? But i think maybe i am so out of control i cant think rationally. I am so super sensitive to meds i think am i inviting more probs in? I just dont know. Im sorry i am just really confused and scared right now. Just needed to write!

 

[Guest]

Hey, I just got home from work and read your post (as this seems to be the first thing I want to do once I get home) I hope you found some relief today. I have no great advice or wisdom to offer at this point. I just wanted to say hang in there

 

[terri*]

Hi,

Just wanted to say that I hope you were able to find some source whether it be just talkng, medication or both, to help you today. I know how very hard it is to feel this many emotions and deal with the terror. You must believe in your ability to make it thru days like today. It is what you hold on to.

ShyTiger, there will be better days then today. Please hold tight and know you can get stronger.

Sincerely,
terri

 

[Sunshine Spirit]

ShyTiger, I'm really feeling for you.

I hope your appointment went okay, and that the therapist listened to you properly and cared about you. I'm roughly guessing the time in Oz, so I suppose you haven't long arrived back home? I hope your mum or friends are with you, or that they will be soon.

You sound like me, when I'm suffering from bad anxiety. I know how terrifying, confusing, panicky, hopeless, pointless, cruel and s**t life is when you feel this distressed.

I also know how frightening it is, to think about taking drugs - especially if they're ones you haven't taken before. Not just worries about side effects, but more so, that they might make your mind be even further away from your control. I agree about not wanting to mask your problem, but it's not as if you're drinking/abusing alcohol: Perhaps if you at least take some Diazepam or something similar, to calm you, so that you will be able to think more clearly.

At this horrible, nightmare-ish moment, it will seem almost impossible to try to imagine what your frame of thinking is like, when you're happy or not suffering from DP, etc.. Try to keep telling yourself, "This WILL pass... This WILL pass..."

At least when you are more relaxed and thinking easier, you can then decide whether to take daily drugs or not. Not ALL drugs mask problems. I don't know much about drugs, but mine didn't mask my problems.

I've just said a prayer, asking for your pain to stop. Take care of yourself, and let us all know how you are doing.

Love,

Lesley

 

[Sunshine Spirit]

P.S. Don't be sorry for writing this. We ALL get really bad days. We all get scared, too. It's good that you're sharing your suffering with us all here, as some of us can try to write positive words to you. KEEP reading these words... over and over again. When you're not suffering, you can give other people good advice, but when you ARE suffering, it's extremely difficult to think at all, let alone positive thoughts! Keep reading positive words. Also, keep writing, as you're right - it will help to distract your mind.

 

[Ben]

ShyTiger,

Hold on. It's terrifying - but hold on. Let me tell you that I understand...

I remember when I was first afflicted with DP back in college. I remember sitting on the couch in the living room talking to my Dad, admitting to him that I feared for my sanity for "some unknown reason"; trying to describe to him the fact that I felt completely disconnected from myself, and that the feeling was horrific. His reaction was, and I know he was trying to shield it from me, "Oh my God, is my son suffering from schizophrenia?" Shortly thereafter my life fell into absolute hell - and it was drugs, risky flings, alcohol binges, and..well, it was just - hell. I'm lucky I didn't just pull the trigger. The feeling was sickening and I remember reacting the same way as you - completely, without a doubt, holding onto the same feelings and emotions and thoughts as you.

The point behind this post is that it can feel so terrifying, so much like a living nightmare that you feel as though the world is gone - that nothing is left, that you're very existence is holding on by a thread. You stare at the thread obsessively (panic stricken), afraid that it will snap at any moment. BUT - it won't. You will grow, you will change, and the effects will lessen. You will feel highs again. You will look at the skies again and see blue and be excited by it. You will notice the feel of grass under your feet. You'll feel the warm morning sun again. You will feel.

Hold on. We're here. We've all cried before. You're fine.

 

[ShyTiger]

Ok. So im back. I wanted to thankyou all who responded i had no faith when i posted and so put faith in your words. I cant tell you how much i appreciated your responses. So i have seen three therapists since this post and am quite exhusted. I found one im very happy with. And will still thou need to find a pschologist to compliment work done by counciler.(other two -one too expensive and the other im still trying to decide if right for me). I am doing better today. I will be speaking to my doctors about medication i may be able to take like one off ones-for when my body just doesnt respond to relaxing the muscles. I have a feeling that i will not need now thou cause i know what is going on and that my body is actually processing some stuff from when i was young. I know now also that dp is just a very small part of the picture for me. That it is a symptom of my own doing(for me-even thou unproductive, it has been a very important survival technique) and that i have a lot of work to do and im looking forward to hopefully finding out who i am without the restraints iv been putting on myself. Hard to explain. I think that dp is a highly personal experience-as in it is unique to the individuall even thou it has common way of being. I dont know if im making sense cause my brain is pretty mushed at the moment! Thankyou again for all your positive words and prayers. Again i say the people here are absolutly amazing individuals.

 

[Sunshine Spirit]

Thanks for updating us, ShyTiger. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today.

I'm glad you've found one therapist you are happy with. As for making your mind up on whether the other therapist is right for you, perhaps you should follow your gut feeling?

Take good care of yourself.

 

[Guest]

hey there, I've had a real crappy few months and I can relate to what ya goin' through in a way.... the storms always calm..... there's the highs and lows... i know it sometimes feels like we just won't get through but we will.... hope that things ease up for you