Ninnu... would you mind telling me what meds they put you on that helped you out? I'd like to know, cuz I think I've been pretty close to a psychotic breakdown and I'd like to know how to get out of it if I'm ever in one
Strong Fear Of Insanity
G
Yeah i know, ive been reassured many many many many times, that i am not insane and that i will not go insane, but for some reason i cannot shake the fear.
Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????
During my last therapy visit, my therapist was asking me a number of questions based around the subject of Sociopathic ( word?) symptoms and he said that i had none of them. Is being a sociopath the same thing as being insane? The other thing though that secretly bothers me, is the fact that i go see a therapist, yeah it helps, but its just like im hiding this big secret from most people, just like im hiding the whole DP/DR thing from most people. This does bother me, because mostly everyone thinks im fine, because i appear fine, talk fine & around most people act fine.
I just keep thinking that somehow, maybe when im older, that this will start to develope into insanity or dimentia or something like that. Obviously im not feeling normal, im an outside the box thinker when it comes to alot of things & i just feel strange. I just don't understand how things can ever gonna feel right again. Like a few times during arguments with my dad he was like " what are you going crazy?" or " your acting like your ready for the nut house" or " my son is cracking up" Either because of what he said or because of maybe the argument that took place, i sit back & wonder, maybe he's right or maybe what i did or said was infact a sign of going insane, even though if i rationally think about it now, it really wasn't, it was more a sign of depression & stress.
ahhhh im so conflicted & confused
sorry about the long ass post.
Peace
Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????
During my last therapy visit, my therapist was asking me a number of questions based around the subject of Sociopathic ( word?) symptoms and he said that i had none of them. Is being a sociopath the same thing as being insane? The other thing though that secretly bothers me, is the fact that i go see a therapist, yeah it helps, but its just like im hiding this big secret from most people, just like im hiding the whole DP/DR thing from most people. This does bother me, because mostly everyone thinks im fine, because i appear fine, talk fine & around most people act fine.
I just keep thinking that somehow, maybe when im older, that this will start to develope into insanity or dimentia or something like that. Obviously im not feeling normal, im an outside the box thinker when it comes to alot of things & i just feel strange. I just don't understand how things can ever gonna feel right again. Like a few times during arguments with my dad he was like " what are you going crazy?" or " your acting like your ready for the nut house" or " my son is cracking up" Either because of what he said or because of maybe the argument that took place, i sit back & wonder, maybe he's right or maybe what i did or said was infact a sign of going insane, even though if i rationally think about it now, it really wasn't, it was more a sign of depression & stress.
ahhhh im so conflicted & confused
sorry about the long ass post.
Peace
1 - 4 of 39 Posts
Gimpy, my first DP experience was when I was six years old. Are you saying that I have a greater chance of developing schizophrenia now? I've always been afraid that I either had schizophrenia (before I found out my unreality symptoms were DP) or would develop it... maybe it progressing from my DP or some other reason. So I read up a bit on schizophrenia and it said that women usually get it as children or in their mid to late twenties which freaks me out cuz I'm 22.
Ninnu... you say "I have been interested in shamanism, lucid dreams and mind-altering drugs for a long time, because I am a person who would like to experience visions". (I don't know how to do that quote thing you guys do) Anyway... have you ever heard of a book called "The Art of Dreaming" by Carlos Castaneda? Your talk about that black energy trying to consume you and "the guy from the future" telling you they are just "earth energies" which are drawn to you because you think about them and thus give them power remind me of the book. Carlos Castaneda is an anthropologist who had an apprenticeship with a Mexican Yaqui Indian sorcerer, don Juan Matus, and this book is about this apprenticeship. The black energy was called an inorganic being and "the guy from the future" I think would be the "dreaming emissary".
Now if this is the type of stuff that was apart of your having a breakdown then please don't read it, but I don't know I just figured I'd ask. I actually stopped reading it cuz I was brought up Christian and my uncle basically told me if I messed with this stuff I'd go to hell..... the energies and third eye and what not. But I think I might finish the book. I am very interested in lucid dreaming cuz I've had some lucid dreams. One was where I knew I was sleeping but I couldn't wake up, and in my dream I would walk around my house, go to my bed and tell myself to wake up, and I'd "wake up" but then would realize I was still dreaming and I kept "waking up" in this dream until finally I woke up for real somehow. Very scary. And you mention one of your dreams that turned into a vision and the "camera started zooming out" at the end that's exactly what happened to me during a dream but I stayed asleep with my eyes closed I think. It was like a camera zooming in and out and my mom kept bothering me, waking me up, and I was able to go back to the camera and zoom in... ok I'll shut up I'm probably boring you.
But I just thought I'd mention this cuz I saw some relations to what you were saying and what it says in the book. By the way... what is a "hypnagogic vision"?
Now if this is the type of stuff that was apart of your having a breakdown then please don't read it, but I don't know I just figured I'd ask. I actually stopped reading it cuz I was brought up Christian and my uncle basically told me if I messed with this stuff I'd go to hell..... the energies and third eye and what not. But I think I might finish the book. I am very interested in lucid dreaming cuz I've had some lucid dreams. One was where I knew I was sleeping but I couldn't wake up, and in my dream I would walk around my house, go to my bed and tell myself to wake up, and I'd "wake up" but then would realize I was still dreaming and I kept "waking up" in this dream until finally I woke up for real somehow. Very scary. And you mention one of your dreams that turned into a vision and the "camera started zooming out" at the end that's exactly what happened to me during a dream but I stayed asleep with my eyes closed I think. It was like a camera zooming in and out and my mom kept bothering me, waking me up, and I was able to go back to the camera and zoom in... ok I'll shut up I'm probably boring you.
But I just thought I'd mention this cuz I saw some relations to what you were saying and what it says in the book. By the way... what is a "hypnagogic vision"?
Thank you gimpy... don't stop giving advice I'm just kind of a hypochondriac, thank you for clarifying I feel better now.
1 - 4 of 39 Posts
- This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Depersonalization Support Forum
A forum community dedicated to support for those living with depersonalization disorder. Come join the discussion about treatment, health, life styles, spirituality, medication, research, recovery, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
Recommended Communities
