Yeah i know, ive been reassured many many many many times, that i am not insane and that i will not go insane, but for some reason i cannot shake the fear.
Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????
During my last therapy visit, my therapist was asking me a number of questions based around the subject of Sociopathic ( word?) symptoms and he said that i had none of them. Is being a sociopath the same thing as being insane? The other thing though that secretly bothers me, is the fact that i go see a therapist, yeah it helps, but its just like im hiding this big secret from most people, just like im hiding the whole DP/DR thing from most people. This does bother me, because mostly everyone thinks im fine, because i appear fine, talk fine & around most people act fine.
I just keep thinking that somehow, maybe when im older, that this will start to develope into insanity or dimentia or something like that. Obviously im not feeling normal, im an outside the box thinker when it comes to alot of things & i just feel strange. I just don't understand how things can ever gonna feel right again. Like a few times during arguments with my dad he was like " what are you going crazy?" or " your acting like your ready for the nut house" or " my son is cracking up" Either because of what he said or because of maybe the argument that took place, i sit back & wonder, maybe he's right or maybe what i did or said was infact a sign of going insane, even though if i rationally think about it now, it really wasn't, it was more a sign of depression & stress.
ahhhh im so conflicted & confused
sorry about the long ass post.