My first year of DP, I was constantly afraid of going insane. I finally learned I wasn't going to crazy. I hadn't seen anything yet. I still have many moments where I think I'm going crazy, but I never do. It's only natural to think that. But, it never happens.
Strong Fear Of Insanity
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Yeah i know, ive been reassured many many many many times, that i am not insane and that i will not go insane, but for some reason i cannot shake the fear.
Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????
During my last therapy visit, my therapist was asking me a number of questions based around the subject of Sociopathic ( word?) symptoms and he said that i had none of them. Is being a sociopath the same thing as being insane? The other thing though that secretly bothers me, is the fact that i go see a therapist, yeah it helps, but its just like im hiding this big secret from most people, just like im hiding the whole DP/DR thing from most people. This does bother me, because mostly everyone thinks im fine, because i appear fine, talk fine & around most people act fine.
I just keep thinking that somehow, maybe when im older, that this will start to develope into insanity or dimentia or something like that. Obviously im not feeling normal, im an outside the box thinker when it comes to alot of things & i just feel strange. I just don't understand how things can ever gonna feel right again. Like a few times during arguments with my dad he was like " what are you going crazy?" or " your acting like your ready for the nut house" or " my son is cracking up" Either because of what he said or because of maybe the argument that took place, i sit back & wonder, maybe he's right or maybe what i did or said was infact a sign of going insane, even though if i rationally think about it now, it really wasn't, it was more a sign of depression & stress.
ahhhh im so conflicted & confused
sorry about the long ass post.
Peace
Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????
During my last therapy visit, my therapist was asking me a number of questions based around the subject of Sociopathic ( word?) symptoms and he said that i had none of them. Is being a sociopath the same thing as being insane? The other thing though that secretly bothers me, is the fact that i go see a therapist, yeah it helps, but its just like im hiding this big secret from most people, just like im hiding the whole DP/DR thing from most people. This does bother me, because mostly everyone thinks im fine, because i appear fine, talk fine & around most people act fine.
I just keep thinking that somehow, maybe when im older, that this will start to develope into insanity or dimentia or something like that. Obviously im not feeling normal, im an outside the box thinker when it comes to alot of things & i just feel strange. I just don't understand how things can ever gonna feel right again. Like a few times during arguments with my dad he was like " what are you going crazy?" or " your acting like your ready for the nut house" or " my son is cracking up" Either because of what he said or because of maybe the argument that took place, i sit back & wonder, maybe he's right or maybe what i did or said was infact a sign of going insane, even though if i rationally think about it now, it really wasn't, it was more a sign of depression & stress.
ahhhh im so conflicted & confused
sorry about the long ass post.
Peace
1 - 3 of 39 Posts
I'm going to have to agree with Janine here and say, quit worrying about DP/DR turning into schizophrenia or other sort of psychosis. The simple fact that you fear that is a testament to your sanity. I admit I've been guilty of that as well. There have been a few times where my DP has been so bad, I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin and absolutely lose it. But, you know what, it never happens and things get better. If you've ever read literature about DP disorder and panic disorder, you'll find one of their defining characteristics is the fear of going crazy. So, the fear of going crazy is sanity pure and simple.
Ninnu, in your case, you were so young when you first got DP, the possibility of psychosis could probably not be ruled out. How old were you when you first got Borderline Personality Disorder? If you are 24 or 25 years old, the chances are if you have schizophrenia, you probably would have had some sort of psychotic experience by now. There are exceptions of course. Even if you're 20 or 21, you can probably breathe a sigh of relief. Some people develop schizophrenia because hallucinogenic drugs like LSD and mushrooms trigger a latent gene. If you have DP anyway, you shouldn't be doing those anway. So, if you're still worried and want to protect yourself, the best thing you can do is to lay off all substances which disturb your brain chemistry, which is just about any drug.
Ninnu, in your case, you were so young when you first got DP, the possibility of psychosis could probably not be ruled out. How old were you when you first got Borderline Personality Disorder? If you are 24 or 25 years old, the chances are if you have schizophrenia, you probably would have had some sort of psychotic experience by now. There are exceptions of course. Even if you're 20 or 21, you can probably breathe a sigh of relief. Some people develop schizophrenia because hallucinogenic drugs like LSD and mushrooms trigger a latent gene. If you have DP anyway, you shouldn't be doing those anway. So, if you're still worried and want to protect yourself, the best thing you can do is to lay off all substances which disturb your brain chemistry, which is just about any drug.
Sorry if I freaked you out. That's not what I'm saying at all. First of all, your DP is not going to develop into shizophrenia. That's almost like saying your Parkinson's disease could develop into Alzheimer's disease or something. They are both neurological diseases and somewhat related, but you're not going to get one or the other if you don't carry the gene for them. The chances are very slim. If you've made it 22 years of your life without schizophrenia, you've probably made it. You are no greater risk for developing schizphrenia than a depressed but otherwise normal person.
I need to stop giving advice. The only reason I mentioned drugs is that some people can carry the gene for schizophrenia but it may not surface until triggered by drugs.
I need to stop giving advice. The only reason I mentioned drugs is that some people can carry the gene for schizophrenia but it may not surface until triggered by drugs.
1 - 3 of 39 Posts
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