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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yeah i know, ive been reassured many many many many times, that i am not insane and that i will not go insane, but for some reason i cannot shake the fear.

Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????

During my last therapy visit, my therapist was asking me a number of questions based around the subject of Sociopathic ( word?) symptoms and he said that i had none of them. Is being a sociopath the same thing as being insane? The other thing though that secretly bothers me, is the fact that i go see a therapist, yeah it helps, but its just like im hiding this big secret from most people, just like im hiding the whole DP/DR thing from most people. This does bother me, because mostly everyone thinks im fine, because i appear fine, talk fine & around most people act fine.

I just keep thinking that somehow, maybe when im older, that this will start to develope into insanity or dimentia or something like that. Obviously im not feeling normal, im an outside the box thinker when it comes to alot of things & i just feel strange. I just don't understand how things can ever gonna feel right again. Like a few times during arguments with my dad he was like " what are you going crazy?" or " your acting like your ready for the nut house" or " my son is cracking up" Either because of what he said or because of maybe the argument that took place, i sit back & wonder, maybe he's right or maybe what i did or said was infact a sign of going insane, even though if i rationally think about it now, it really wasn't, it was more a sign of depression & stress.

ahhhh im so conflicted & confused

sorry about the long ass post.

Peace
 

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S. Brotha,

What up man...as you can see from my most recent post today that I am feeling back down a little bit right now, so I figure I can do more to relate to you right now.
You are not going insane! Trust me. When you feel down like this, you are going to keep questioning if it will get worse and if you will peak at insanity. Well, you won't. I'm nothing close to an expert (like Janine!), but I bet she will tell you, "You are not going insane!".
This will all go away soon, I know it. Just keep maintaining that job, keep working out, keep doing your music, keep watching the things you enjoy, i.e., basketball, football, etc., keep going to concerts, keep schooling me on the underground scene :) and you will be fine. Just don't give up!!!!!!!!
I'm always here on email, IM, PM, etc. Holla.

Kelson
 

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My first year of DP, I was constantly afraid of going insane. I finally learned I wasn't going to crazy. I hadn't seen anything yet. I still have many moments where I think I'm going crazy, but I never do. It's only natural to think that. But, it never happens.
 

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Breakdowns can last for a while, especially when there's a huge identity crisis going on; for example, someone has become something that, only half a year prior, they so vehemently were disgusted with. That will do one in.
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
a sociopath is a person who basicaly is unable to function within the rules of society..many sociopaths end up spending most of thier lives in jail.. thats the best i can explain it...i feel you on thinking you might be going in sane.. i dont think we really will though.
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
SouBrotha, you will be many many exciting things in your life, but insane ain't gonna be one of them.

I had the same fear and listen up: I had that fear for MANY many years. Every single time I thought about it, I was convinced even more that yes, clearly this is the beginning of insanity.

Wrong.

That is part of the obsessive fear/fantasy around most dp experiences. We are convinced we're crazy or about to go crazy.

Wrong.

These symptoms do not "lead" to any form of insanity. The worst they can do is lead to more and more anxiety (as if that's not bad enough!)

I am not crazy, you are not crazy - and you are no crazier than me. And never will be.

The fear of insanity is part of the symptom.

Trust me. I am 100 per cent, or maybe 110 per cent POSITIVE. Not a shred of doubt. And not a shred of doubt in your psychiatrist either, I'm sure.

Peace,
Jnizzle (with that name, at 50 years old, do I sound like a good person to be telling you you're not crazy? LOL)
 

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Its like because of the fact that things seem so strange, that i must be heading down the road of insanity. And yes someone will be like " hey thats just anxiety" it feels weirder than anxiety. I mean if i logically think about it, at this point, i cannot be insane, Would an insane person be able to hold a job? Write verses, Hold normal conversations, Have rational feelings? Probably not, RIGHT???????????
Did you get up? Did you shower? Did you go to work? Did you interact with people? Did you eat 3 meals? If your answer is yes to these questions, then you're living life well. Hang in there SB.
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Ken, your right man & my answer is yes to all of those questions so i guess im not insane, i dunno.

Jannine lol, i don't know what i would do witout your reassuring posts. Thanks, & yes i do find it ok & " normal" that your are a 50 year old women with the alias ( in which i gave you lol) of Janizzle, lol, im laughing as i type this.

You can call me Soul Brizzle if you want lol

Its all in fun, i bet theres a few people cringing as they read this, well i got one thing to say, CRINGE ON, CUZ AINT NUTHIN CHANGIN MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! haha

if im not crazy or insane, im definietly wacky!
 

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Hi SoulBrotha - I wanna add my reply here, cuz nobody else happened to say one 'magic trick' here in this thread... I mean the questioning itself: "Am I going insane?" is a strong sign that you are NOT going insane. I may proudly say 'been there, done that', as I have suffered two psychosises in my recent past. All I could say I never came to think about that question, while I was in psychosis - instead I happened to be busy with thinking that I'm the center of my own universe, seeking mythical Signs on my surroundings and thinking/feeling that I have a telepathic real-time connection with a person from far future. I never happened to question my condition, I was right and the all those other people around me were wrong! In my own opinion I was perfectly healthy and those thoughts/feelings I was experiencing were true without questioning. I have met other people too, who have recovered from psychosis and also they have admitted that during psychosis, when one is REALLY occupied with insane thoughts, one NEVER questions her/his condition. So if you are asking yourself "Am I going crazy?" I think it is the strongest indication that you aren't. 8)
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Im sorry that you had to go through that Ninnu & im glad your over it, I guess it makes me feel better than someone who actually experienced insanity is telling me what im feeling is not insanity, it also kind of scares me.

Ninu if you don't mind me asking, how did your psychosis come about??
 

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SoulBrotha, you're welcome to ask any questions about my mental breakdown, I don't mind...

A couple of years ago, when I went psychotic for the first time, I think it was launched by PTSD and huge stress levels - in the end I couldn't do more than go out drinking or sit beside my computer staying online dulling my senses. First I experienced some flashback memories due to one unfortunate night, when my former boyfriend beat me in the center of Finland's capital Helsinki and left me there wandering alone. Then I started feeling Signs on my surroundings, and thought the universe sends me them - i.e. magical thinking...and too much Jungian literature. :wink: Finally while I was in a very bad condition I started feeling those telepathic thoughts, which I thought were from one guy from the future - I remember having lots of long mental conversations with him. I never questioned my experiences, I felt those things so clearly and vividly, that it never came to my mind that I might be insane.

Once I was drinking in a bar I guess I finally was fed up cuz of my miserable condition (I also was severely depressed at the same time) and I started throwing things and shouting "I wanna go to the mental hospital, please call the police". I don't know exactly what happened, I was told that at the police station. There was a nice psychiatrist at the police station, who helped me to go to a mental ward - there I happened to get good meds, which finally lifted me out of psychosis and depression.

I thank for my life for that, because since I started the medication and the meds finally kicked in, I haven't had any s*icidal thoughts, nor bizarre ideation. Although, about a year ago I started experiencing extrapyramidal side effects due to the neurolept I was on, and I was so scared bc of those side effects that I went cold turkey. Of course it wasn't very wise, because I went psychotic again cuz of the withdrawal. Luckily I was prescribed a better antipsychotic, and it lifted me out of my self-illusions also that time.

Well - sometimes - especially while intoxicated with alcohol or cannabis (yeah don't try this at home...) I have come to ponder about my psychotic experiences in a kind of 'intellectual' way. It is kinda fun, because nobody is capable to say, what I have experienced - i.e. the mental connection with the dude from the future - can be insane ideation only. Of course there is a small possibility that those things I experienced may have been true too - who knows? I won't say anything, but I just keep in mind that one can play with those questions, but better not trust them altogether at the same time. It is like having an agnostic mind - there might or mightn't be a God, but one never can know for sure... 8)
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
jesus that sounds rough, its times like this, where i wish i was ignorant to all of this stuff & just lived as a normal happy person.

Its not possible for a psychotic break to occur after DP/DR is it? Doesn't the psychosis usually come first?
 

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Ninnu... would you mind telling me what meds they put you on that helped you out? I'd like to know, cuz I think I've been pretty close to a psychotic breakdown and I'd like to know how to get out of it if I'm ever in one
 

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Wow Ninnu, I too am really sorry that you went through that. But I'm really glad that you got on some good meds and pulled away from those thoughts. And thanks for telling us that when psychosis sets in, you don't really know its happening. I got some relief from that. Take care of yourself.
 

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peacedove said:
Ninnu... would you mind telling me what meds they put you on that helped you out?
When I had my first psychosis I was prescribed antidepressant Remeron (mirtazapin) 30 mg and Peratsin (perphenazine), but I don't remember the dose of Peratsin anymore. Since I started experiencing extrapyramidal side effects cuz of Peratsin and I went psychotic again cuz of going cold turkey, I was prescribed antipsychotic Zyprexa (olanzapine) 10 mg. Currently I'm on Remeron 30 mg and Zyprexa 10 mg - all I could say about this med combination is that it has been very good for me, as I can function perfectly normally cuz of it: I can study full-time, have my creative hobbies etc. If you are interested, you may read more of me in the story section - I have put there a short story about how I became DPed and how does it affect me.
 

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SoulBrotha said:
Its not possible for a psychotic break to occur after DP/DR is it? Doesn't the psychosis usually come first?
For me DP/DR has been the first symptom of a mental disorder in my life - when I started experiencing DP/DR for the first time, I was 14-yr-old and never had tried any drugs/alcohol, nor I was feeling any other mental symptoms (e.g. depression,anxiety). So I guess my case is primary depersonalization. All the other stuff I have experienced afterwards. First I became depressed, and after having a very bad relationship I got PTSD, which led me into psychosis diagnosed Borderline in the mental hospital. Now I can proudly say I have conquered all of those conditions except DP/DR and I guess what doesn't kill me, just makes me stronger. I don't know will I ever get rid of DP/DR, but I do my best not to become bothered cuz of it. :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Hi,

I am glad that you are doing well despite your case history.

I would like to ask you is Remeron an antidepressant?

You say that you were diagnosed Borderline although you talk about having had a psychosis. Weren't you diagnosed psychotic?
Is borderline the same as psychosis (that would confuse me cause I always thought borderline is another disorder and psychosis is considered a mental illness rather than a disorder, but I really don't know how to use the terms anymore)?
 

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Hi I - yes, Remeron is an antidepressant, although it doesn't belong to the famous group of SSRIs. Unfortunately I hardly remember anything about the pharmacokinetics of mirtazapin though, as I am quite lazy getting to know that stuff about prescribed drugs. I just tend to ask my boyfriend (or MD) about that stuff, cuz he is more interested in pharmacological facts - and after hearing the detailed information I often just forget the stuff... :oops:

About BPD, I think here in Finland it is considered more a category where those patients are put, who do have symptoms of psychosis, but whose condition isn't that severe they could be labeled as Schizophrenic. Actually if Borderline is considered as a distinctive disorder, I think the diagnosis about my case might be a bit wrong, cuz I feel my psychotic breakdown was fueled by PTSD and it was "only" an acute condition, which was quickly recovered after I started taking the proper medication. But I see the mental ward I was in was quite crowded and therefore I got to discuss with the psychiatrist only twice. Thus he made the diagnosis only referring to those two short discussions - that's why I am aware that my diagnosis mightn't have been exactly accurate.

By the way, I want to say my thanks to all of you here in this thread, who have been sympathetic toward me and those things I have experienced some years ago. I am used to belittle my experiences and although I have been through quite a lot of stuff, I don't usually think it has been rough (although I do remember how bad I felt in my past). I hope my case may give some hope to others who are feeling miserable at the moment - there is always light in the end of the tunnel. :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Hey thanks for the nice reply!

I remember that I once read that Borderline PD was considered a disorder in between neurosis and psychosis ( hence borderline, that means at the border of psychosis).

But the same article said that nowadays it is not so clear anymore what borderline indeed is. I personally have given it up to look for definitions of the various terms used in psychiatry, there seems to be too much babble around. Everyone of the professionals sees it differently.

I just know that I have DPD and a strong fear of going crazy, furthermore anxiety and panic (wears off these days). I mean, that's more than I ever wanted to know, and I guess I am a bit hypochondriac due to the anxiety.
I am just trying to get a grip on my life.

A doctor prescribed me zyprexa for th DP cause I refused to take an ssri and he refused to give me a sedative which I originally wanted.
I have never taken a pill of the zyprexa and I never will but it does help me with the anxiety cause when I am dped and I think I am going crazy I think that if I am losing it I can take the zyprexa and that option calms me down, you know.
 
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