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The way my dissociation gets permanently worse is due to these episodic indescribable neurological state. Basically, for a couple days (not caused by anything specifically), my brain will go into some sort of delirious state. I don't have a way to describe it because I've never read anything quite like it, but I use delirium because this part of the definition makes sense-"Delirium is a serious disturbance in mental abilities that results in confused thinking and reduced awareness of the environment." Its like the electrical impulses in my brain are going crazy, which leaves me completely miserable. I'm not traditionally delirious where I don't know where I am or am like going crazy, but rather it just feels like my thinking and sense of time or place are just jumbled. I can't properly articulate why it is so miserable. Its like trying to describe why "pain" is painful, except its some other sort of qualia experience. Anybody have any idea on what could be happening to me?
 

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Hey,

I think it is impossible and perhaps not a good idea either to make a guess as to what could be going on with you. If you suspect a neurological problem, you should definitely check that out.

However, I think that a lot of people would recognize themselves in that state of confusion that you describe, as that is something that can happen for various reasons. I know that I am still frustrated for not being able - even now, when I feel so much better - to explain to the people around me how I felt at my worst. I sense that the level of suffering that I endured is somehow dismissed by the people who never experienced it. Just like those therapists, who try - in their best will - to tell you they understand how dissociation feels like, because they were dissociated after some emotionally difficult event in their life for a couple of weeks. I emphatize with them, because I know that we detach from our feelings when they seem unbearable to us. But at the same time, I sometimes just feel angry, because it is exactly like you said: how do I expain the pain? The pain of dissolving as a personality, of the world breaking down into molecules, of everything and everyone in the world losing meaning and substance, because the very core of who I am as a personality has broken down...Anyway, that was my experience. It was difficult to articulate it while it was happening, as every new symptom seemed as if I am getting worse. I found more words for it now that I feel better.

I hope you will find out where your problems stem from. Don't lose hope that it can get better!

Take care,

A.
 

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"I think that a lot of people would recognize themselves in that state of confusion"

You would think so. But I went 40 years with an abnormal EEG and no medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or even one

neurologist had the sense to order an EEG and determine that I was suffering from an epileptic syndrome.

When I finally did figure it out and asked for an EEG, I was consistent with someone who had a history of epileptic seizures.

Of course, I had already figured that out as well, but it took me 40 years and I had no help from the medical community in doing that.

An EEG will likely tell you whether your confusion stems from your brain's electrical signals.
 

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"I think that a lot of people would recognize themselves in that state of confusion"
You would think so. But I went 40 years with an abnormal EEG and no medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or even one
neurologist had the sense to order an EEG and determine that I was suffering from an epileptic syndrome.
When I finally did figure it out and asked for an EEG, I was consistent with someone who had a history of epileptic seizures.
Of course, I had already figured that out as well, but it took me 40 years and I had no help from the medical community in doing that.
An EEG will likely tell you whether your confusion stems from your brain's electrical signals.
if brain electrical signal abnormal ... how therapy or med ?
 

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"if brain electrical signal abnormal ... how therapy or med ?"

Interesting question. I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer. If the abnormal electrical activity is causing

focal seizures, then I presume epileptic medications could suppress that activity. Some people who suffer

mild seizures prefer not to take the medication, because they feel the cure is worse than the disease.

I recently watched a few videos on Tourette's syndrome, and patients who have very bad Tics had them relieved by

installation of an electrode deep into the brain and a transmitter in their shoulder, similar to a pacemaker

for a bad heart. Individuals who have severe hand or arm tremors have also benefited from this

technology, which I believe was developed at the University of Virginia at Charlottesville VA.

When I had my EEG at age 57, I was no longer experiencing focal temporal lobe seizures, but my EEG

was typical of someone who had suffered them, and when I became familiar with how a focal seizure

presents, I recognized that I had suffered them for several decades prior to learning what I was dealing with.

My seizures remitted with age.
 
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