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Does anybody else get a really awful feeling when they look back? I seem to be constantly having memories of times in the past and along with the memory comes a terrible feeling that I can't describe. It's the worst feeling in the world. I also get the feeling that I am evil when this feeling hits. I don't know why.
 

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YES!!! it terrible terrible terrible pain. its like missing, wanting, needing to go back there. be child again. be yourelf again. i have these memories when i was very young and then im feeling so awful and crying inside ... this is so terrible
 

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i think this state is created somehow that we have turned against ourselfs. and deep down we are not able to give this love to us what we need. but instead we torture us becouse we dont know how to face this fear. and then we begin to feel demonizisd which is actually our own created state by selfhate
 

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maybe it feels that this life is just too much to hold. and we have given up for our truth. that it is much easier create this falsness. then we dont need to feel. then we feel more in control. deep down having these childhood wound of not feeling enough. not worthy.... its for me hard to see what is even truth and how i should feel or be and when i know when im facing myself.... then i freak out when i feel out of control and i just think that i cant handle this anymore i need give up
 

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I definitely do, I feel like theres a lot of major things in the past that my mind has completely blocked out. And when I'm reminded of those things I get really freaked and space out but for me I feel like I'm in shock that those things really happened. Nothing feels like my life anymore.
 

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I am detached from most of my memories, good, bad or neutral unless I access them in context. This is one thing that I would like to work on, but it has never distressed me. Others have observed this about me throughout the decades and I don't really like looking at photos of myself, but I just consider that my experiences have been absorbed as wisdom.
 
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