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I think that. Things just cannot get better because i dont trust that the actual thing changes. Then im fearing that even when i think i do a better its not.. And im just trying to change something what doesent need to change. I feel that how it is always possible things to change so fast. Always when i think im recovered suddenly im not. Sometimes things are so bad that i think they cant never change and maybe they cant. So what im suppose to do. I feel i have broken too many times and it shows im not suppose to be here anymore. Everything feels old and boring. Little touch of wrong place distroys whole thing. Will i someday feel satifyed and like this all had a reason.. But this have happened many times. I live this over and over again. I dont even know if better exist. When i crash why it hurts so much and nothing helps me. I dont know is this how im suppose to be right now or im just trying to change a wrong thing. And making everything even more far away....
Everything i do have this feeling linked to it. But it doesent feel natural. It is always the same. No matter what i do. I feel im trapped in my memory living.
Feeling bad is not always bad thing and always when i feel wrong i start to change it so fast. When something feels strange or not coming from me i feel so angry and bad that i just panic to change it whether its not good thing. Then i go far and far and far away from healing. Because healing is not straight process. Sometimes i see and it seems impossible then i get into hoplessness
 

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The more you see it as harmless, the more you take away the power of the thoughts.

Soon it completely loses its grip on you and your life and you are set free.

All the power it has is what you feed it. It can't drag you down far if you weaken it like this, and if you hold onto hope by reminding yourself of the good days (or minutes). :)

I think that. Things just cannot get better because i dont trust that the actual thing changes. Then im fearing that even when i think i do a better its not.. And im just trying to change something what doesent need to change. I feel that how it is always possible things to change so fast. Always when i think im recovered suddenly im not. Sometimes things are so bad that i think they cant never change and maybe they cant. So what im suppose to do. I feel i have broken too many times and it shows im not suppose to be here anymore. Everything feels old and boring. Little touch of wrong place distroys whole thing. Will i someday feel satifyed and like this all had a reason.. But this have happened many times. I live this over and over again. I dont even know if better exist. When i crash why it hurts so much and nothing helps me. I dont know is this how im suppose to be right now or im just trying to change a wrong thing. And making everything even more far away....
Everything i do have this feeling linked to it. But it doesent feel natural. It is always the same. No matter what i do. I feel im trapped in my memory living.
Feeling bad is not always bad thing and always when i feel wrong i start to change it so fast. When something feels strange or not coming from me i feel so angry and bad that i just panic to change it whether its not good thing. Then i go far and far and far away from healing. Because healing is not straight process. Sometimes i see and it seems impossible then i get into hoplessness
 
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