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11 Posts
One moment I'm Googling for information about my visual issues and then the next I'm here and usually I can leave a site after getting the info I wanted. I had no idea what the acronyms DP or DR meant but I just had to them them in the search bar. <roll eyes emoticon>
Now I feel I can contribute at least a few moments in my recent history where I would feel a little disconnected when I would be explaining something to someone but I actually enjoyed those moments. To be aware of what was happening and still be having the words effortlessly roll out of my mouth without having to think about them. Just to be on autopilot for a few moments and be able to think about something other than what I'm forced to at my job is always nice in my book. I do it all of the time when I'm cleaning the store and while I've always tried to have a 3 track mind the total lack of a connection with my physical self was a little more new. This happened as I was talking to someone and all I could hope for was not to raise her suspicion that maybe I was on drugs or something.
Technically, I should be used to feeling disconnected but that's mostly with just the outside world. I'm depressed on days that my mind dwells because I'm almost always single and I self medicate with cannabis which has always worked out great for me. I didn't start smoking until after high school and I've found that weed removes my constant issue with being waaaaay too self conscious and hyper aware. It allows me to focus my concentration and actually get something intellectual or creative accomplished. It's the main reason why I left the military because I couldn't find myself if all I did was what I thought other people wanted me to do.
What brought me here are visual anomalies like tracers that shadow any moving object and I was curious what it was called. Now I know it's called HPDD, (I think). Man, these acronyms are tough. Basically how I see it is that now that my brain is wired to see floaters and tracers I'm always going to notice them whenever I pay them enough attention. I've always noticed floaters in my vision long before any drug use but I won't deny that my past LSD, cannabis, ecstasy, and mushroom use aren't a part of it. It's been about a decade since I've done anything other than cannabis but I'm fully aware of the lasting effects of LSD and while I've never had a re-trip (despite the number of times I pop my back a day) I would be surprised if my LSD didn't have had an effect on my vision.
Maybe I've been too optimistic these days but the visual anomalies have been more like a blessing than anything. Nowadays it's more likely for a moving object at the corner of my vision to be noticed and I can ascertain with more notice or speed if I need to take action. I've even learned to embrace my self consciousness and I do what I can to keep from feeling like I have my head under the sand. I don't take any other medications and I consider myself to be a rather healthy individual who has a mind that likes to take on more than it should which is why I have a penchant for Red Bull. A drink that can at times induce the feeling of disconnection and does a lot more harm to my body than weed will ever do.
Now I'm worried that it may get worse because whether of not it was originally chemically induced it is something that still happens even when I decided to quit just about everything except caffeine. Then again I don't know what to think for even though I have never considered myself to have ADD I do get rather sleepy with enough caffeine, No Doze my ass! I got away from my ex-fiance and her borderline personality disorder years ago only to find myself with my own (not nearly as made up) situation. Then again I can now probably better understand how powerful perception is to the human brain and how even just an overactive imagination is enough to go down a path best not taken.
I hope I don't sound conceited or boastful but I understand how the written word can be, (don't forget how self conscious I am). I'm just a weird guy who's a realistic optimist with idealistic tendencies. I like to think that if I can find a way to do something positive or constructive than anybody can do the same. Well, that was before I began to wonder if I was some kind of mutant when I started noticing things about myself that perhaps isn't common to all humans. If only I had realized that I have had an eidetic memory this whole time but that's what I get for only knowing the Hollywood version of someone with just photographic memory. I suppose I may as well just change my name to Sheldon Cooper.
Anyhow, the visual phenomena that I first really noticed was something that happened a few years ago when I turned my cars wiper blades on just to test the fluid sprayer which does not work. The wipers moved across the windshield with relative ease but I noticed the after shadow or tracer. Sure, it's normal for most people to see motion blur when looking at fan blades or spinning wheels but not with something moving so slowly. Then again I was the kind of kid who enjoyed to try to watch a single blade on a ceiling fan for as long as I could if it was spinning extra fast. Over time I've learned how to notice the tracers and to ignore them when needed but there are times where it's still a bit odd. For instance I realized it's the black and white checkerboard patterned flooring of my workplace that makes me feel a little motion sickness when I look at my phone for longer than a minute. Also the visual snow I see when it's super humid outside before it rains still makes me think I'm seeing the water molecules dancing around.
I guess it's too soon conclude my mutant status but thanks to the power of suggestion anything is possible. My main mission is to be helpful and I think I can be of service because I am a Jack of all trades and MacGyver.
Now I feel I can contribute at least a few moments in my recent history where I would feel a little disconnected when I would be explaining something to someone but I actually enjoyed those moments. To be aware of what was happening and still be having the words effortlessly roll out of my mouth without having to think about them. Just to be on autopilot for a few moments and be able to think about something other than what I'm forced to at my job is always nice in my book. I do it all of the time when I'm cleaning the store and while I've always tried to have a 3 track mind the total lack of a connection with my physical self was a little more new. This happened as I was talking to someone and all I could hope for was not to raise her suspicion that maybe I was on drugs or something.
Technically, I should be used to feeling disconnected but that's mostly with just the outside world. I'm depressed on days that my mind dwells because I'm almost always single and I self medicate with cannabis which has always worked out great for me. I didn't start smoking until after high school and I've found that weed removes my constant issue with being waaaaay too self conscious and hyper aware. It allows me to focus my concentration and actually get something intellectual or creative accomplished. It's the main reason why I left the military because I couldn't find myself if all I did was what I thought other people wanted me to do.
What brought me here are visual anomalies like tracers that shadow any moving object and I was curious what it was called. Now I know it's called HPDD, (I think). Man, these acronyms are tough. Basically how I see it is that now that my brain is wired to see floaters and tracers I'm always going to notice them whenever I pay them enough attention. I've always noticed floaters in my vision long before any drug use but I won't deny that my past LSD, cannabis, ecstasy, and mushroom use aren't a part of it. It's been about a decade since I've done anything other than cannabis but I'm fully aware of the lasting effects of LSD and while I've never had a re-trip (despite the number of times I pop my back a day) I would be surprised if my LSD didn't have had an effect on my vision.
Maybe I've been too optimistic these days but the visual anomalies have been more like a blessing than anything. Nowadays it's more likely for a moving object at the corner of my vision to be noticed and I can ascertain with more notice or speed if I need to take action. I've even learned to embrace my self consciousness and I do what I can to keep from feeling like I have my head under the sand. I don't take any other medications and I consider myself to be a rather healthy individual who has a mind that likes to take on more than it should which is why I have a penchant for Red Bull. A drink that can at times induce the feeling of disconnection and does a lot more harm to my body than weed will ever do.
Now I'm worried that it may get worse because whether of not it was originally chemically induced it is something that still happens even when I decided to quit just about everything except caffeine. Then again I don't know what to think for even though I have never considered myself to have ADD I do get rather sleepy with enough caffeine, No Doze my ass! I got away from my ex-fiance and her borderline personality disorder years ago only to find myself with my own (not nearly as made up) situation. Then again I can now probably better understand how powerful perception is to the human brain and how even just an overactive imagination is enough to go down a path best not taken.
I hope I don't sound conceited or boastful but I understand how the written word can be, (don't forget how self conscious I am). I'm just a weird guy who's a realistic optimist with idealistic tendencies. I like to think that if I can find a way to do something positive or constructive than anybody can do the same. Well, that was before I began to wonder if I was some kind of mutant when I started noticing things about myself that perhaps isn't common to all humans. If only I had realized that I have had an eidetic memory this whole time but that's what I get for only knowing the Hollywood version of someone with just photographic memory. I suppose I may as well just change my name to Sheldon Cooper.
Anyhow, the visual phenomena that I first really noticed was something that happened a few years ago when I turned my cars wiper blades on just to test the fluid sprayer which does not work. The wipers moved across the windshield with relative ease but I noticed the after shadow or tracer. Sure, it's normal for most people to see motion blur when looking at fan blades or spinning wheels but not with something moving so slowly. Then again I was the kind of kid who enjoyed to try to watch a single blade on a ceiling fan for as long as I could if it was spinning extra fast. Over time I've learned how to notice the tracers and to ignore them when needed but there are times where it's still a bit odd. For instance I realized it's the black and white checkerboard patterned flooring of my workplace that makes me feel a little motion sickness when I look at my phone for longer than a minute. Also the visual snow I see when it's super humid outside before it rains still makes me think I'm seeing the water molecules dancing around.
I guess it's too soon conclude my mutant status but thanks to the power of suggestion anything is possible. My main mission is to be helpful and I think I can be of service because I am a Jack of all trades and MacGyver.
