Steady as She Goes

You guys know how big life events can encourage a DP episode. It happened. My son turned one today, and the past week have been keeping away and avoiding some feelings.
When I am in public, I struggle not to feel people. There have been many outings lately due to the nicer weather. I put up an invisible wall to protect myself. After I got home it struck me. I was sitting on the floor with my son and I was trying to piece the room together. I couldn't talk, and was stuck in a loop of horror. Luckily it only lasted less than a minute. There has been improvements socially, and more comfortable in populated areas, maybe they are like me too.
There is a piece of cake waiting for me to eat and half of lunch. I have been ignoring food skipping meals, cutting and loosing more sleep. I have to be careful with all of that.
There was a mother and her 3 children. She did not eat and she fed her kids while she sat on her phone and barely acknowledged her little ones. It was very sad to watch them approach her and her recoil away from them.
Sorry I'm a mom, I notice these things. I know it's not what all the kids like to talk about, unless you have been ignored by a parent. In which case, my heart goes to you and am sorry your pain. I felt it too.
The people that adopted me didn't like to talk of the trauma that happened to me. They blinded themselves while I carried it. The worthless feelings followed me, and I still get them.
I am told it is not hopeless, but I am of a different thought. I think I'm just getting older and am getting more used to dealing with it.