[Aha's Shadow]

Hi. This is a hard topic to write because of the subject matter, but it has been something that's been building that I feel has really bothered me today.

I don't think she's done anything particularly bad, and I've always been incredibly close with her. But after this latest chapter in my life I've found that I can't approach her anymore with problems, and that her attitude towards my 'illness' has become very dismissive, when before it wasn't.

Maybe it's just because she's been worn down by all the problems I have had over the years, and her own issues. It just makes me feel so sad, because she was always my safety blanket, the person I could rely on.

Now I'm not sure I even like her. And I hate myself for saying that. It sounds so self centred, but maybe that is just the person I've become? Or maybe it is just my current condition talking. Of course this is just one of numerous problems I have had and maybe it is just down to me being so confused with who I am.

So what do you think? Have you had similar problems with loved ones? Do you think it is just another symptom of this nightmare? Always nice to get an outsiders opinion.

 

[Wendy]

Have you had similar problems with loved ones?

Yes, I have.

Both my parents have been particularly dismissive of my hypochondria and generalized anxiety recently. Whenever I try to barter with them for reassurance and support, they tend to give me the cold shoulder. Sometimes, they even go as far as to yell at me out of irritation. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a speck of resentment as well. If I were a parent, I would be clamoring over my child's condition trying to figure out the best way to get them back on track. Although, I've never been on the other fence myself, so how could I say for certain..

I recently had a heart-to-heart with my father about it. He said that he gets irritated because he doesn't know how to deal with it. For as young as I am, I'm not supposed to be thinking this way about the world and my existence, and that apparently frightens him. He is constantly worried about my state of mind, so he feels frustrated because of that.

Maybe it's just because she's been worn down by all the problems I have had over the years, and her own issues. It just makes me feel so sad, because she was always my safety blanket, the person I could rely on.

Even through her being dismissive and her changes in attitude, I would be willing to bet that her situation is much like my father's.

Perhaps she is just afraid for you and can't quite give you the help that you deserve. Maybe she is just worried about your mental health too much to the point where she is worn down. From my experience, it is very easy to cast the blame on someone for not being there for you when times are tough - and I'm not saying that she is in the right here, but when we are in states like this, we don't necessarily see the other side of things.

Do you think maybe you could have a chat with her? Voice your concerns and get her opinions on the matter. Resentment leads nowhere; you should try solving this issue soon so that it doesn't fester. That's just my two cents, of course.

 

[Aha's Shadow]

Yeah, it's an odd one, because I'm not sure if it is partially just due to the fact that my feelings are a bit out of whack at the moment and so it's giving me the opposite feeling that I would normally have towards my mother.

We have had heart to hearts in the past, but a lot of the time I get really put off by her response when I initially make the approach. It's normally along the lines of 'what now' in a sort of frustrated tone or a 'oh my god what?' In a panicked tone. Neither of which puts me at ease enough to open up to her. Then usually by the first or second line I get the dismissive, 'well I've had that, so what?' kind of line and she acts like it's not important.

I think a lot of the problem stems from her own anxiety issues of the past. She's had panic attacks etc, but never to as serious as to the extent I have, and she has shared quite openly her own experiences with me. But I don't think she gets how serious my problems actually have been, and she always just compares it to her own experience. So she thinks, 'well I felt bad, but never that bad', and just assumes my experience was exactly the same as hers.

But the truth is, I did almost die. There's no question about that, I felt that I had completely lost control, and still don't know if I'm even in the same universe I used to be. It's always weird to read those recovery stories of people who say, 'my family were amazing, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them'. I can't say I feel that way. I know they love me, but do I think they've done all that they can? I'm not sure. I do know that any progress I have made is probably not down to them. It's a weird feeling, because it makes you question actually how much they are willing to help you or have to give.

But again, this could all be down to my condition. Maybe Im too confused to see the bigger picture. Maybe one day, the love, affection and closeness I had to my mum will return. It's just weird how the person who has been my rock my entire life, no longer seems to be when I need her the most.

 

[bintuae]

My mom does this too but I don't resent her for it. I don't think anyone in the world would put up with someone who complains every single day of a condition they have never experienced and can't understand (esp sth like the weird ass condition as depersonalization) add to that the issues they might themselves have. If pdocs who have studied for several years don't understand it at all, you think your mom will somehow know? Also, my sister is schizophrenic who exhibits the symptoms and complains a lot. It hurts me to listen to her and not knowing how to respond because she repeats the same things just with different words everyday. I'm having near nervous breakdown because of her.

Maybe this could be a motivation for you to start to work on your own instead of just complaining. The answer is in your hands not anyone else's.

 

[person3]

My dad thought I was faking the whole thing.

I learned to go to others for support and understanding. Some people just aren't the type of personality to get DP. It seems DP types are those that are prone to anxiety and have a need to be in control, and that's not my dad.,,

 

[willbarwa]

Hi. This is a hard topic to write because of the subject matter, but it has been something that's been building that I feel has really bothered me today.

I don't think she's done anything particularly bad, and I've always been incredibly close with her. But after this latest chapter in my life I've found that I can't approach her anymore with problems, and that her attitude towards my 'illness' has become very dismissive, when before it wasn't.

Maybe it's just because she's been worn down by all the problems I have had over the years, and her own issues. It just makes me feel so sad, because she was always my safety blanket, the person I could rely on.

Now I'm not sure I even like her. And I hate myself for saying that. It sounds so self centred, but maybe that is just the person I've become? Or maybe it is just my current condition talking. Of course this is just one of numerous problems I have had and maybe it is just down to me being so confused with who I am.

So what do you think? Have you had similar problems with loved ones? Do you think it is just another symptom of this nightmare? Always nice to get an outsiders opinion.

I think parents sometimes don't fully understand the scope of the condition and so they, like outsiders, look at you back perplexed but worried as well. Hoever there are cases were parents are dismissive and never really bond with their children.

I sometimes resent my parents. They divorced while I was still 2yrs old, my dad is living great in Germany, never visited growing up because he was afraid of "airplanes" and my mother was sometimes just...not there. I have a hunch the constant separation from her at an early age, limited the bonding between mother and child and up to this day we have a sort of estranged relationship. There was always excuse or incident were she had to fly off somewhere and stay abroad for a while. I remember being anorexic at one point when I was younger because she left me for almost a year with family members. It's not right, but at the same time I can't completely blame her, she also didn't have a good role model growing up. Her dad vanished one day while she was 10 and never came back to visit, turns out he died somewhere in China (mother is half-chinese), then her mother passed away from breast cancer while she was pregnant with me.

Certainly a lot of stress and shit to cope with and somehow inadvertently her dismissal and lack of nurture reflected in my upbringing. My mother may have meant good but her "wiring" sort to speak, just made it almost impossible to give me the nurture I needed.
She did however do her best in bringing me up. I have a great sense of humor, wittiness, sarcasm and an open-mind to many things thanks to my unbridled upbringing, which for better or worse, is what shaped me today. And so, yes part of me resents her, but another part -- a bigger part -- thanks her wholeheartedly for the abundance of laughter amid the harsh circumstances we went through together.

I hope to reconcile my emotions and accept my circumstance as it is. Im not a teenager anymore and these things happened, but they are in the past. We do ourselves much more harm recollecting the past , harnessing the negative and bringing it out to the present where it does not belong.