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Hello, i want to tell my story.

I've been in derealization, anxiety for 11 years(starting 2011). I have only finished basic school, I just couldn't get more, I was 17 and I had to apply for College. I failed the test and then i just froze.
I've been doing nothing for 2 years, in meanwhile i got to work as restaurant manager at my cousins(that was stressful), I lasted 1 year. I've been doing some jobs there and there, and thats basically it.

I've been prescribed many medications such as:
Citalopram(took it for 6 months, no effect on anxiety)
Xanax(dropped it, was too strong)
Fluoxetine(bad side effects)
Venlafaxine(did nothing but made me go sleep in bed)
And many more, I don't remember.

Basically 10 years went by like fucking 1 year, I've lost my youngness, that's so sad. I've only fucked 1 girl and almost fucked 2 more.

I read a website ( it's in russian so you have to translate) of a human that had same illness, so to say. He there explained that there is a phenomenon called therapy resistance, no medication on it's own could stop this thing. Country where I'm from don't prescribe benzodiazepines. So I went to my home country and got a good doctor. I explained him the situation and he agreed on every point. So that derealization, tiredness and numbness comes from anxiety, and that's it. We agreed on these meds, to get rid of therapy resistance.

Pregabalin 150mg x2 morning and daytime (numbness side effect, sleepiness)
Lorazepam 1,25mg x2 morning and daytime (i took 2,5 and I had doubled vision and euphoria, had to lower)
Escitalopram 5mg x1 morning(10mg made me too numb, it's too early to raise that one)
Lamictal 400mg x1 evening (took 200mg for 2 months, took 350mg today, tomorrow I'll start 400mg. I started this long ago at country I'm in currently, raising the doses slowly.

I agreed to myself and with doctor that I will use benzos 2 months. I have tried diazepam first, but that did nothing to me, I even gave same dose to my friend(5mg), did nothing to him aswell. I am aware of the tolerance and dependence on benzo, but believe me. I am strong enough now to not become junkie, my plan is to lower doses on lorazepam slowly, jump on diazepam and then lower doses on it. Some people use these for years though.

As for physical therapy I street workout every 2 days, I walk at evening, especially now to test my anxiety when I'm passing people, trying to feel the nature aswell etc. In ten days I will have my college and thankfully I've got it on distance.

What's your thoughts guys, have you tried anything like that
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