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Stability growing up

1229 Views 8 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  foggy
I have a question. Should be in the poll section I guess. Did you guys have a lot of stability as a child? For me I had none. My parents broke up and got back together about 10 times in my life. I've moved about 15 times throughout my life, mostly bouncing from home to home with my mom when she would leave my dad. Different schools, different towns, moved in with grandparents, relatives, etc. I long for a normal husband and life where everything is just, secure. But I don't really see that happening now.
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I had some instability un my childhood in regards to moving house and also bullying some of which, looking back at now (which I have only recently started doing) may have had an adverse effect on my self image, and may have been a traumatic stress trigger for my depersonalisation.

1st - settled down and had lots of friends - age 2 - 3
2nd move - settled down decent group of friends - 3 - 5
3rd move - settled down had good group of friends 5 - 11
4th move - settled down, took a while to settle in and didn't readjust as well as before , still had decent group of friends though took a while to make them.

I was also bullied, when I was in the scouts by a group of guys, they used to call me patch ergo (now dont laugh) that I didn't have a penis and instead had a bit of skin covered up by a leaf in it's place, sounds ridiculous but this teasing went on for quite a while and was unprovoked, they also called me gay all the time despite the fact that i would regularly join in conversations about girls and such, and I was made to feel like a piece of shit and worthless, and I think this severely affected my self image as now I don't feel partucly like I have a self due to the erosion that there bullying caused. Also what made some of this bullying worse was the fact that one of my best friends suddenly changed one day at a camp and joined in with this bullying, and they would constantly call me gay and take the piss, and this really really had a severe effect on my already crumbled self confidence and self image, ergo now I feel formless and illy defined. All this bullying went on from the age of 14 to I think about 15 possibly, a time when my brain was developing so I think this may have had a negative effect on how my brain developed in relation to self image and perception so may have had a hand in my future depersonalisation. The bullying was also 24/7 all day on a camp so imagine the stress that would cause to a young developing mind.

I have never talked about any of this to anyone, it's like poison thats stored up inside that I can't get out.
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