Did you get DP as part of SSRI withdrawal? Could you please explain? How long have you had DP and how did you make the mistake 3 times?
Thanks
allright mate so this is my experience . I tried to make it as specific as I could . it is a long read :
yes from withdrawal
I have dp since about 3.5 years now
I started taking medication again (I took it for a while when I was 19 too) when I was about 26 or so . my phyisian gave it to me (not psychiatrist) because I was so depressive and had anxiety . citalopram (celexa) was the med
I took it for a while and felt better
after a while my physician decided to only accept patients with a private medical insurance . so he couldnt be my doc anymore . when I didnt have meds anymore I didnt bother to go and ask for more ....I was like "meh whatever I will just stop taking them" . big mistake . I felt like shit not long aftetr ....I didnt have dp/dr I just felt shit
then I went to a psychiatrist some while after ....lets call this doc "doctor B" because he will be relevant later again . he gave me effexor and I felt really good ! ...the problem was that I was partying and drinking alcohol while on the med so I didnt feel that good anymore after a certain time . I thought it is because I am bipolar so I asked doctor B for a mood stabilizer ....he gave me seroquel . man .....I became so fat on that med . I took it for a year or so and then I told him I am very unhappy with it so we stopped it ....oh and in the meanwhile I switched from effexor to lexapro . so I quit seroquel and took lexapro for some time . then all of a sudden I decided to not go to doctor B anymore because I was so dissapointed that he gave me seroquel since I told him I have problems with eating habits and weight to begin with so he shall not give me something that makes me fat . I just didnt want to see him anymore and decided to stop lexapro by myself and I did it in a very short amount like 2-3 weeks or so
THEN .....man ....
I felt horrible ...and derealisation started . I didnt know what to do . so I asked a friend of mine whose father is a psychiatrist if he can help me and he made a date for me with a doc he worked together for years
she gave me prozac . and well I did feel better again but something was "off" . I felt weird the whole time on it somehow and had some disassociation effects the whole time still . a big mistake of me was also that I didnt seek a therapist even though the docs said I should . anyway another big problem was that this doc made my anxiety worse the whole time while I was seeing her . when I told her something (often also some private stuff) she reacted in weird way ...as if she is shocked ....as if she never heard such things etc. ...I was like wtf ?
after like a year and a half or so I told her that I want to stop the medication . she was against it first but I talked to her and convinced her . I said I just dont feel like myself anymore and that I think that I will be fine without meds
well ....the first 3 months without it I was pretty ok ....then I did something very stupid and weird . you might find it very weird but I will tell it anyway :
since I have gained so much weight from the seroquel and since I have often weight issues in general I decided to go on a diet . the problem is that I have motivation problems and often problems to either start or stay on track with a diet regime . so what did I idiot do ? ....I made a swear ...I sweared that I will do a specific diet (slow carb diet) for 1 months without a break otherwise god (I believe in god) shall punish the ones I love . I did that so that I stick to the diet for real . well ....big mistake . the big issue was that I stopped medication AND now I had to go on a diet that prohibits carbohydrates (except legumes) which I have to stick to now ....I had no energy but not because of the diet necessarily but because of the stress I did on myself . after a few days I woke up and was actually in pretty good mood ....then my sister and mom argued about money ....and I couldnt take it and flipped out and yelled at them etc. ...I literally freaked out so much that I went berserk . well......I was already weak from dieting and then this flipping out caused me to get a panic attack where I thought I am having a heart attack . and this was when the real problems started . at this point every day was a fight ....horrible dr/dp , horrible healthy anxiety , horrible panic disorder etc. . I also thought that I died on the panic attack
when I told my psychiatrist (the woman who gave me prozac) that I feel as if I died she said "well maybe you think you have a psyosis but I think this is just the anxiety .....she made a big mistake to say the word "psychosis" ....because a few days (or weeks) later when I was at home watching tv I had that "I am dead" feeling very strongly and then the word "pschosis" which the doc mentioned was burnt in my head and this lead me to suffer a panic attack or rather "panic hours" because I thought I am going insane . I called my current physician who is still a young dude and we are a bit like buds when we talk and him and the team likes me and my family so they said I can go to him . when I went to him he was like wtf .....because I couldnt sit still and was in full panic mode . he gave me half an ativan which calmed me down and called on the emergency physiactric place and told them I will come . I went there and told the doc there everything and he told me I shall start prozac again . well I didnt because I just didnt want to start prozac again
a few days later when the ativan was out of my body I had the WORST days of my entire life . worst intrusive thoughts ever ...I can not even tell them because you would think I am nuts . worst anxiety ever and worst dr/dp ever . I actually think it was not only dp/dr anymore at that point but psychotic stuff . let me give you an example of what I had in one of those days . I was looking for a post in a forum where I hanged out often and I couldnt find the post anymore .....I flipped out ....I thought that I was only dreaming that I made that post and that my whole life is a lie . I thought I am going crazy again .....I literally looked for that post half an hour or so I dont remember ...maybe it was just minutes but it felt like eternity . when I finally found the post I cried
lol
I landed 2 times more in the emergency in the following months . they didnt want to take me in the hospital to stay . they actually treated me very badly . I am very dissapointed from the hospital
then I was basically helpless and called my old psychiatrist (Doctor B) again and told the secretary there while I was a patient of doctor b before and that I stopped seeing him and stopped medication by myself and that my situation is horrible and that I dont know what to do . I was also crying while I told her this and the woman said I shall come the next day . man this was so fortunate . I went to my doc the next day and told him everything . he put me on perazine and solian and some weeks later also on effexor again . and now I am feeling better .
this is my story . I still have dp/dr and still weird thoughts . I am happy to have doctor b again . I saw him 2 days ago and we decided together that I will take 50mg sulpiride sometimes when I need it . when the "feeling dead" or intrusive thoughts are too bad . I took 50mg supiride 2 days ago and feel pretty okay right now . there is still a long way to go of course and I think I also should do a therapy but I am happy that the worst days are over . 2018 was the worst year for me
and btw. ....today is my birthday
I turn 33 today
