[Scattered]

I've had what I belive was referred to in another thread as "broken record thinking" in that I tend to rehearse conversations with myself that may or may not occur in the future. I have been doing this a very long time and it was associated with my inner fantasy life that I would often escape to, but is more often simply a method of organizing streams of thoughts that tend to get out of hand. I NEVER speak to myself aloud, whether im in public or not. This is all in my head. It worries me because it has become such a fluid thing. I'll simply slip into a conversation as both the person who is speaking and the person who is being spoken to, but will normally only act my part. My problem is I can be going somewhere having these streams of thoughts, inner conversations and monlogues and then not remember my trip or car ride. My head tends to get so wrapped up in things that I cant focus on the here and now. Sorry for the long post, I just hope that I'm not suffering from some kind of delusional thinking. Thanks for any replies.

 

[person3]

Hell no that's not delusional...I love myself so much that I do it all the time

No, I know a lot of people that do that. Often times when you don't express some things to people you play it in your head over and over again to epic proportions.

But shit man...if i didn't have my own little movies how else would i entertain myself? Reality?

 

[Guest]

But sh*t man...if i didn't have my own little movies how else would i entertain myself? Reality?

:x

 

[g-funk]

That's pretty much how all my conscious thought takes place - like a narrative. Sometimes carrying out dialogue like you say. I spent a lot of time on my own as a kid and it was like having an invisible friend or fantasy world. Maybe out of boredom. It's never bothered me though, once I asked all my friends (sane ones too) and they all thought in the form of conversations etc. It's when you spend all you time on your head trying to 'prepare' yourself for life rather than living it, when it becomes a problem, or as a way of escaping some hard facts in reality that may be too daunting.

 

[bat]

i do this all the time and think of it as 'normal'

 

[Guest]

I do this all the time...

I "rehearse"conversations in my head before they actually take place. Very weird, but at the same time, it's almost an automatic action. I find myself doing it the most before I make telephone calls, but I do it in almost every part of my daily life. I think it makes perfect sense that such a trait would be part of depersonalization because we are constantly watching ourselves, always trying to prepare ourselves for every possible outcome.

P.S. I've been doing this for a long time, at least a few years, before dp/dr hit me in the "clinical"sense, possibly suggesting that before we fall into dp/dr 100% we have symptoms of it and we don't even realize. And I also think that tons of people without dp/dr (clinically) do this...

ALSO: This type of thinking is in no way delusional. Trust me. I know.

 

[person3]

yeah what Gstile said.

see, in a way its problematic and explains a part of dp: often you use this to "rehearse" what you're going to say; you "play it out in your mind" before speaking to the person in reality. Yeah that is something that should be examined. Why do you do that, etc. Maybe when something comes up in which you will have to talk to someone, try NOT preparing beforehand. see how it goes.

but it's not delusional.

it just is part of something common in DP (and maybe common in normal people just not as much)

 

[enigma]

I've had what I belive was referred to in another thread as "broken record thinking" in that I tend to rehearse conversations with myself that may or may not occur in the future. I have been doing this a very long time and it was associated with my inner fantasy life that I would often escape to, but is more often simply a method of organizing streams of thoughts that tend to get out of hand. I NEVER speak to myself aloud, whether im in public or not. This is all in my head. It worries me because it has become such a fluid thing. I'll simply slip into a conversation as both the person who is speaking and the person who is being spoken to, but will normally only act my part. My problem is I can be going somewhere having these streams of thoughts, inner conversations and monlogues and then not remember my trip or car ride. My head tends to get so wrapped up in things that I cant focus on the here and now.

Scattered, that's exactly what's been going on in my head for practically my entire life. But LOOK AT ME!:

So take heart, friend (j/k).

e

 

[maria]

Sure it's normal. Laurence Olivier thought it was something busy people (?) and especially actors do. However, since dp I stopped doing that, it's weird, like my brain's shut up. Nothing I used to say was unplanned, now I act more spontaneously but nothing comes out right so this is not good either. My friend said I've become verbally more aggressive and that may be because I no more think what I say.

 

[Sunshine Spirit]

I've always done this, too, even years before I had Dp. I can even remember doing it as a young child. It's never been a problem for me, even when I can't remember car rides, etc.. I think that as long as it doesn't happen to me when I'm driving or doing something dangerous (which it doesn't), then it's a virtue. I love to feel organised.

If I'm in public when I mime and I wonder if anyone saw me, I quickly dismiss that thought and think, "Sod what other people think, anyway!"

 

[Scattered]

I was surpised at how common this is in the community and feel a bit better. I still think its a strange habit and am often bothered by it when I catch myself doing it. For some reason I think it contributes to my obsessive thoughts, or maybe its just me scanning myself and being sensitive now that I consider myself a DP person. Anyway, thanks for the replies.

 

[sleepingbeauty]

oh boy do i do this too. all the fricken time. always when im sitting on the pot. the poopoo rehearsal. "SHUT IT! IM NOT TALKING TO YOU! PLOOOP KERSPLASH! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS HUH HUH?!! "

Scattered, that's exactly what's been going on in my head for practically my entire life. But LOOK AT ME!:

WHOA GROSS! :shock:

heres me..

 

[agentcooper]

enigma, i love that bosch painting...he was so ahead of his time!

 

[sleepingbeauty]

yea it reminds me of sepultura's arise cover. i used to have it on my trapper keeper in the 8th grade and would trip out on it in the middle of class. no wonder in flucked up. :shock:

 

[Guest]

I berate myself aloud alot. "Oh God, you're so stupid!", you know stuff like that. Anyone else?

 

[sleepingbeauty]

yea sorta. when i have an intrusive thought of something embarassing from my past i cringe and blurt out expletives. as far as making a booboo in the moment and telling yourself off.. well thats kinda normal i think. like doing the happy dance whilst eating cupcakes.

 

[Diverticulitis]

I've got really bad with this lately - some embarrassing memory will crop up and I'll feel compelled to blot it out by saying a word or phrase, or even singing some weird, manic surreal little song!
I went through a very tourettes-ey time where the word my subconscious chose for the blotting out was 'the "N" word', and I'd just blurt it out, regardless of where I was. That led to some difficult situations when I lived closer to London... It's more tune-based these days, thank god.

As for the general internal dialogue thing, I do this excessively and consider it to be a very negative thing, and fundamental to my DP. I don't seem to be able to have a thought that isn't language-based; it's just words, words, words - in the booming voice of my internal narrator.

 

[Scattered]

All too familiar. Except I dont berate myself out loud just in my head. I've felt better the past 3 days and have noticed the inner conversations have tapered off a bit. There is an element of control here I think. The question is whether or not this behavior contributed to obsessive thinking or DP states. I no longer think its delusional but recognize I'm better off and more focused without it. Nothing to be scared of anymore though. Try to calm the little man in your head and I think you'll start to feel better.

 

[sleepingbeauty]

stan, i get that too! i go "LALALALALAAAAAA STUPIDMUTHERFUCKER LALALALA!!!"

agghghgh its the worst feeling in the world getting those horrible embarassing thoughts. :x

 

[CECIL]

Yes I can remember doing this since I was very young - except I often talk to myself out loud as though I have an imaginary friend listening to me.

I go over and over conversations that are going to take place to try to cover every possible outcome, though usually I decide one particular path is going to happen so I go over and over THAT one for potentially hours on end.

The worst part is stopping and realising what I'm thinking about - that its a fantasy situation that will never happen (or so I tell myself) - then I berate myself out loud too.

Yeah, seems pretty common amoungst us.