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182 Posts
I keep trying to tell myself this weird shit is just down to illness. But no way can anxiety get as weird as what has happened to me.
I am helpless to do anything. Every time I do an exercise to try and convince myself this is the real world, I get proof that it isn't time and time again.
So I have a problem that everything I see and focus on will occur again later in the day in a completely unrelated way. So one day that thing was San Francisco which was where the bread I was eating was from. Later in the day I saw San Francisco mentioned.
So the next day I decided to make the idea of the first geographical location I saw, if I saw or heard it again I would know for sure that this isn't the correct world and maybe I'm subconsciously creating everything. I saw Rome mentioned, thought that was obscure enough. Got through a whole day, decided to check my email. There was Rome clear as day.
So the next day it was London Bridge. Saw it again. I thought, OK benefit of the doubt let's give it one more go.
So today I saw Romania. Thought right this is the one, if this turns up again this definitely isn't the real world. This is more than illness. Something far more sinister than that is going on. I get home this evening, turn on the TV. Someone is donating money to a charity in transylvania. IN TRANSYL-FUCKING-VANIA!
I GIVE UP. I GET IT WHOEVER IS DOING THIS TO ME. STOP FINDING MORE AND MORE CREATIVE WAYS TO FUCK WITH ME. THIS ISN'T THE REAL WORLD, JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO RETURN TO THE LIFE I HAD OR FOR FUCK SAKE TELL ME WHAT I'VE DONE WRONG. I can't handle this anymore.
I am helpless to do anything. Every time I do an exercise to try and convince myself this is the real world, I get proof that it isn't time and time again.
So I have a problem that everything I see and focus on will occur again later in the day in a completely unrelated way. So one day that thing was San Francisco which was where the bread I was eating was from. Later in the day I saw San Francisco mentioned.
So the next day I decided to make the idea of the first geographical location I saw, if I saw or heard it again I would know for sure that this isn't the correct world and maybe I'm subconsciously creating everything. I saw Rome mentioned, thought that was obscure enough. Got through a whole day, decided to check my email. There was Rome clear as day.
So the next day it was London Bridge. Saw it again. I thought, OK benefit of the doubt let's give it one more go.
So today I saw Romania. Thought right this is the one, if this turns up again this definitely isn't the real world. This is more than illness. Something far more sinister than that is going on. I get home this evening, turn on the TV. Someone is donating money to a charity in transylvania. IN TRANSYL-FUCKING-VANIA!
I GIVE UP. I GET IT WHOEVER IS DOING THIS TO ME. STOP FINDING MORE AND MORE CREATIVE WAYS TO FUCK WITH ME. THIS ISN'T THE REAL WORLD, JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO RETURN TO THE LIFE I HAD OR FOR FUCK SAKE TELL ME WHAT I'VE DONE WRONG. I can't handle this anymore.