[Kieranwillz98]

I’m new to this forum and but I think I have the worst symptoms of depersonalization but I’m really not sure anymore if it’s something more sinister I had a episode of it 2 years ago which I overcame and didn’t even think about it again but in the last 2 months it’s has came back stronger than ever and I’m worried that it might be damage to my brain caused by the flu or just brain damage in general or I’m going nuts but it’s getting to much to handle
My symptoms are :
.A constant completely blank silent mind terrifying

.No thoughts at all going through head good or bad

. no control over actions or speech whatsoever like I’m being controlled

. Body feels completely numb like it’s not there like my brain has disconnected from my body

. I can’t visualise mental images in my head

. No sense of identity like I don’t know who I am

.no memories that I can just reach and think about

. everything looks strange and unfamiliar and it’s like my brain is starting to believe it

. feels like I’m going to lose the ability to speak at any moment and become brain dead

. Feels like I’ve got a sort of dementia

.Can’t plan ahead or plan my day I live with my mum so I sort of do whatever she’s doing or my girlfriend no ideas or no places come into mind like my brain has stopped working in terms off knowing what to do

.can’t leave house on my own because ei can’t picture we’re I want to go and wha to want to do and scared I’ll just be wondering around or run screaming or just lose my way

. Constantly obsessing over my blank my mind nothing else comes into my head

.feel like my personality has changed I went from confident strong to literally nothing

.can’t be alone in fear that I won’t eat or drink or even move without stimulation of people around me

. I have conversations with my mum and girlfriend and it’s like the words just come out like I really don’t want to say them or like it’s not me saying them even tho it is me it’s like my thoughts and every action are not mine and it’s a horrible feeling like it shouldn’t be possible to feel like this while I’m alive

.feel like I’m going to go insane land not be in control of what I do or say or I’m developing dementia and won’t have a clue who anyone is

so if anyone can relate to all those symptoms and give me some reassurance I’ll be great full as I’m really struggling to believe this is just depersonalisation I have had MRI ‘s , CT scans which came back clear but my doctor won’t refer me to see a neurologist as he don’t think I fit the symptoms of brain damage which plays on my mind , I also see a psychiatrist with 25 years experience which I pay for and he don’t think I’m brain damaged or have a mental illness like schizophrenia but I just can’t believe any of them and how they can’t with how bad I feel and how blank my mind is and how I struggle to make sense of the world now feels like I’m going to be this way forever until I fade away or go insane , sorry for how long this post is just really need help

 

[NoDevils]

Your brain is anxious and coming up with fears like that you have schizophrenia or brain damage. These catastrophic stories you're telling yourself are so strong that not even a handful of relevant doctors have been able to convince you otherwise. We see this all the time on DPSH. Many of us have been in your shoes and had the exact same worries. My advice is to try and get out of these worries quickly as possible before they do you any more harm.

 

[Kieranwillz98]

How do I do that tho when nothing feels real or like it’s me doing it , I got no inner monologue to convince myself it’s completely blank tho like right no I’m completely shut down I can’t even take in information from the telly when I’m watching it it feels like everything that’s happening can’t possibly be happening in real life 😭

 

[NoDevils]

How do I do that tho when nothing feels real or like it’s me doing it , I got no inner monologue to convince myself it’s completely blank tho like right no I’m completely shut down I can’t even take in information from the telly when I’m watching it it feels like everything that’s happening can’t possibly be happening in real life 😭

It should lessen over a few weeks. I can't promise it'll go away entirely. It's very possible to live with depersonalization, I mean, it probably wouldn't be my first choice.

 

[Kieranwillz98]

It should lessen over a few weeks. I can't promise it'll go away entirely. It's very possible to live with depersonalization, I mean, it probably wouldn't be my first choice.

I just really can’t see it happening even as I’m tying this it don’t feel like it’s me doing it or we’re it’s coming from the words are just appearing on the page I must be completely nuts how is it possible to feel like this is it ocd aswell

 

[NoDevils]

I just really can’t see it happening even as I’m tying this it don’t feel like it’s me doing it or we’re it’s coming from the words are just appearing on the page I must be completely nuts how is it possible to feel like this is it ocd aswell

A lot of depersonalization and anxiety has an obsessive component. I wouldn't worry about labeling yourself. You're experiencing very high anxiety and depersonalization and that's basically what's happening. Some people say the feeling of unreality can protect you from anxiety and other unpleasant emotions though that's just a theory. Maybe you can help yourself by acknowledging that you are writing the words even if it doesn't feel like you are.

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem”

― Captain Jack Sparrow

 

[Kieranwillz98]

A lot of depersonalization and anxiety has an obsessive component. I wouldn't worry about labeling yourself. You're experiencing very high anxiety and depersonalization and that's basically what's happening. Some people say the feeling of unreality can protect you from anxiety and other unpleasant emotions though that's just a theory. Maybe you can help yourself by acknowledging that you are writing the words even if it doesn't feel like you are.

But that’s the wierdest thing about this time I’m not anxious and it’s still there 24/7 when I thought it was a anxiety disorder ? Last time I had it yeah I was extremely anxious and had panic attacks 5 times a day and that’s why I had it last time 2-3 years ago , but this time it’s like I’ve got it from brain damage because I don’t have no anxiety and just completely blank mind like no thoughts at all just what ever sound is around , and I feel like I can’t walk anywhere because I can’t picture it which makes me believe it’s depersonalization from brain damage this time which I think is possible

 

[Kieranwillz98]

A lot of depersonalization and anxiety has an obsessive component. I wouldn't worry about labeling yourself. You're experiencing very high anxiety and depersonalization and that's basically what's happening. Some people say the feeling of unreality can protect you from anxiety and other unpleasant emotions though that's just a theory. Maybe you can help yourself by acknowledging that you are writing the words even if it doesn't feel like you are.

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem”

― Captain Jack Sparrow

I’ve also had chronic sinnisuits which I have not sorted out as I’m scared of tablets like anti biotics
And Sinus problems were the only thing that appeared on MRI scan report saying ‘ there is mucosal thickening involving the maxillary antra bilaterally , left sphenoid and right ethmoid sinus consistent with sinusitis ‘ Do you think there’s a connection ??

 

[NoDevils]

I’ve also had chronic sinnisuits which I have not sorted out as I’m scared of tablets like anti biotics
And Sinus problems were the only thing that appeared on MRI scan report saying ‘ there is mucosal thickening involving the maxillary antra bilaterally , left sphenoid and right ethmoid sinus consistent with sinusitis ‘ Do you think there’s a connection ??

Not to speak for Thought On Fire but we're not ENT doctors.

 

[leminaseri]

But that’s the wierdest thing about this time I’m not anxious and it’s still there 24/7 when I thought it was a anxiety disorder ? Last time I had it yeah I was extremely anxious and had panic attacks 5 times a day and that’s why I had it last time 2-3 years ago , but this time it’s like I’ve got it from brain damage because I don’t have no anxiety and just completely blank mind like no thoughts at all just what ever sound is around , and I feel like I can’t walk anywhere because I can’t picture it which makes me believe it’s depersonalization from brain damage this time which I think is possible

were fucked. life fucked us. this is just sad but true. the thing is we need to rise from the pain, and need to change things what brought us to this fuck in first place. nothing will be like it used to. this is guaranteed. but you can make it better. and your brain feels safe and can work on regular mode.

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

You first made this post three times in different places exactly the same yet different title. I deleted two of them and notified you of that action. You've now reposted again twice elsewhere. We do not welcome spamming of the same post here. Consider this your second warning. There will not be another.

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

Moderation related posts moved to: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/threads/moderation-suggestions.108059/#post-638601

 

[Nancyl]

Your brain is anxious and coming up with fears like that you have schizophrenia or brain damage. These catastrophic stories you're telling yourself are so strong that not even a handful of relevant doctors have been able to convince you otherwise. We see this all the time on DPSH. Many of us have been in your shoes and had the exact same worries. My advice is to try and get out of these worries quickly as possible before they do you any more harm.

Excellent reply