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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To start things off and to make a long story short. Around 2 years ago i was induced with insane DP/DR after quitting THC concentrates cold turkey after years of chronic use. I almost cant even recall how how insanely fucked i felt the first few months. I dont even want to go into detail but i know all of you here can relate. Ive always been against medicine but i finally gave in and started taking prozac. After the month of hell of the side effects it causes i actually almost felt completely better and thinking i was cured. Like a fucking moron, i stopped taking them cold turkey like 2 months in to taking them thinking i didnt need them any more. In that period of time i moved out of my parents house and moved into a house with my friends. I still felt DR and some DP during that time but i would say i was about 65-70% recovered. I use that percentage because i still felt DR and had thoughts of DP but they didnt bother me or scare me i just kind of lived with them so i would consider that 30% to make it a full recovery would be me just forgetting about/getting those thoughts out of my mind as a whole.

Now, fast forward and 3 months into me moving in with my friends i quit my job because i hated it. I was super depressed and wanted nothing to do with it. Shamefully, i would or used to consider myself a 'scammer' on the internet so i found many ways to make money for bills/expenses which in the end was my downfall. Meaning i could make money not having to work a real job means i never had to leave my room/house/comfort zone. For the next 9 months i was in my room pretty much almost every day. My diet was absolutely horrible along with my sleep patterns, and i was also getting drunk usually 3 nights a week. I was super depressed and super anxiety ridden but somehow i wouldve still considered myself 65-70% recovered.

Now this is where things take a turn for the worst. My lease was getting close to up so i move back home with my parents thinking ill figure the job/living situation out. I was moved back home for a few weeks and things were okay and then it happened... one morning i woke with the most absolute debilitating panic attack ive ever had in my life out of nowhere. I completely lost touch with everything and was insanely shook about it for the rest of the day. Then the night and following morning happened.... i felt so incredibly depersonalized and derealized i honestly think it was worse than the original state i was left in when i got this 2 years ago. I went from being 65-70% recovered to literally back to square one in a matter of a day.. Im typing this almost a month and a half after the relapse and im just so scared. I literally feel like i have completely lost myself and COMPLETELY lost the thought or feeling of whatever it feels like to be normal again. It is constantly in my head all day everyday. I dont know what to do.. i dont want to be suicidal at all but this shit literally makes me not want to be alive because it feel like everything is meaningless anyways and life is one big illusion.

The scariest part to me and something i hope atleast someone can relate to is does anyone feel like their symptoms/feelings of DP/DR completely change daily? Im not even talking about some days better some days worse i mean everyday is insanely terrible but everyday is also so different and that scares me so much because i feel like im barely holding on to my sanity by a thread every single day but then i wake up the next day feeling just as bad but COMPLETELY different and feel like i have lost myself even more and am slipping further and further away from reality.. someone PLEASE help me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Tapering off medicine is normal, even psychiatric medicine, although it's generally advised to do so with the support of a doctor. You're saying it was life transitions (moving), and illegal behavior (scamming) that triggered your anxiety again? Tell me if I read your post wrong. If so, this is very normal. Life transitions and 'maladaptive' behaviors are very common triggers.
I'm sorry every day is insanely terrible. I think you'll feel better soon, because you're at least fairly smart and there's nowhere to go but up. Maybe some counseling or mentorship could help you adjust to your new living situation. There's plenty of legal ways to make money, and plenty ways to "de-stress" at least partially, besides withdrawing from the world like so many of us tend to do.
I'm still very much stuck in my head, and I can't afford good therapy, so I understand your pain. I used to have panic and agoraphobia, though I've gotten that pretty well under control, except for nightmares which I take an anxiolytic and a blood pressure medication for. My psychiatrist has put me on buspirone (non-narcotic anxiolytic) because it supposedly works on anxiety without having a big impact on mood or sense of self like many antidepressants do. Some antidepressants in the same class will give you more or less anxiety, too.
I believe we can all get through this without drugs. but that modern life can be very isolating and cruel, and sometimes drugs are the compromise. If you decide to smoke weed or whatever it is you were doing before, make sure not to slide back into old behaviors that could get you in trouble. Try to focus on a positive vision of the future man. Don't think about suicide. Lots of people go through periods like this, at least in the first half of their lives, and most come out the other side.
Thanks a lot for your reply. I think your interpretation is a little off but not too far off. First, i didn't even taper off the medicine i just abruptly quit taking it cold turkey like an idiot cause i thought it was making me feel better and i didn't need it anymore. And it wasn't necessarily the "scamming" and such that brought all of it back it was the shitty lifestyle and me not practicing to try to get out of 65-70% recovery that eventually caused a built up intense panic attack that set me back to absolutely square zero. Do you still deal with DP/DR and if so how far recovered do you feel like you are ?
 

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Coming off the Prozac so suddenly has no doubt had an impact. At 8 weeks in it is just starting to reach it's peak effect, stable state in your system (Prozac takes ages to work but does work well). Prozac is one of the easier antidepressants to stop taking as it has a really long half life so you can suddenly stop taking it and then feel fine for a short while. But if you haven't treated your underlying depression and anxiety, then it can mess your system up a bit because your brain has only just got used to the Prozac helping out and then all of a sudden it's not there anymore and the symptoms can come back stronger than before as a result. I've done the exact same thing myself so am speaking from experience. It's usually better to take antidepressants for the full course - at least 6 months - and then very gradually taper off them or don't take them at all.

It's pretty common to feel very different on a daily basis. At least for me it is. You might not notice days when you feel a bit better but definitely you do when things are a lot worse. For me,it's usually down to not getting enough sleep, drinking too much, background stress, things i am worrying about on a daily basis. Hope you can get to a better place soon.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Coming off the Prozac so suddenly has no doubt had an impact. At 8 weeks in it is just starting to reach it's peak effect, stable state in your system (Prozac takes ages to work but does work well). Prozac is one of the easier antidepressants to stop taking as it has a really long half life so you can suddenly stop taking it and then feel fine for a short while. But if you haven't treated your underlying depression and anxiety, then it can mess your system up a bit because your brain has only just got used to the Prozac helping out and then all of a sudden it's not there anymore and the symptoms can come back stronger than before as a result. I've done the exact same thing myself so am speaking from experience. It's usually better to take antidepressants for the full course - at least 6 months - and then very gradually taper off them or don't take them at all.

It's pretty common to feel very different on a daily basis. At least for me it is. You might not notice days when you feel a bit better but definitely you do when things are a lot worse. For me,it's usually down to not getting enough sleep, drinking too much, background stress, things i am worrying about on a daily basis. Hope you can get to a better place soon.
i really appreciate the reply it definitely makes sense. Seeing as you can similarly relate to me how long have you been dealing with DP/DR, and what do you think is hindering your full recovery ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I meant to say some antidepressants have less side effects, but there was a typo.

I guess I'm half recovered from DP, because I've reached a point of acceptance and stopped panicking about it. It's turned into a steady sense of DR instead. I don't expect much more recovery until my income is higher, sadly. A lot is possible, once the logistical and financial barriers are lifted.
Im glad you are atleast somewhat recovered, 50% is a LOT better than 0 ! i feel like im almost getting to that point where the existential intrusive thoughts and obsession over DP is still in my head 24/7 all day every but i dont panic about it AS much as when it all started but all of the thoughts are still there nonetheless. Do you think that is a good sign at ALL?
 

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It's taken 2 years for me to get to grips with the existential thoughts, i no longer panic about it but it wierds me out still. Yeah its a good sign cos normal ppl dont necessarily panic over wiers stuff
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
It's taken 2 years for me to get to grips with the existential thoughts, i no longer panic about it but it wierds me out still. Yeah its a good sign cos normal ppl dont necessarily panic over wiers stuff
keep in mind they're still on my mind all the time and scare the shit out of me but just not giving me full panic attacks anymore i guess. i'm glad they've gotten better for you, what do you think finally helped you?
 

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i really appreciate the reply it definitely makes sense. Seeing as you can similarly relate to me how long have you been dealing with DP/DR, and what do you think is hindering your full recovery ?
I've had it several times in my life. I fully recovered from it on previous occasions after maybe a year or two. I just naturally came out of it when life became more stable and happy. I think it gets worse the more isolated and hopeless I feel. This current period has lasted about 4 years now. I can't seem to get out of it and not exactly sure why but I think I'm simply not happy in life and don't know how to be happy. I suppose a lot of it is feeling isolated and cut off and different from other people somehow. I know it sounds cliche but to me, everything really is too money orientated and everyone is so career driven and everything is so logically worked out and safe and organised. It seems to be getting worse and worse. I don't know what is driving it. Maybe the internet and social media is causing people to feel more insecure and try and attain the ultimate secure and superficially happy life to show off to others. I'm too scatter brained and weird and sensitive for the world I'm living in. I'm an infp. This is standard experience for someone with that personality type so I guess at least i have that validation going for me ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I've had it several times in my life. I fully recovered from it on previous occasions after maybe a year or two. I just naturally came out of it when life became more stable and happy. I think it gets worse the more isolated and hopeless I feel. This current period has lasted about 4 years now. I can't seem to get out of it and not exactly sure why but I think I'm simply not happy in life and don't know how to be happy. I suppose a lot of it is feeling isolated and cut off and different from other people somehow. I know it sounds cliche but to me, everything really is too money orientated and everyone is so career driven and everything is so logically worked out and safe and organised. It seems to be getting worse and worse. I don't know what is driving it. Maybe the internet and social media is causing people to feel more insecure and try and attain the ultimate secure and superficially happy life to show off to others. I'm too scatter brained and weird and sensitive for the world I'm living in. I'm an infp. This is standard experience for someone with that personality type so I guess at least i have that validation going for me
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Does that even sound possible what i explained ? Being in this for 2 years and being around 65-70% recovered and then a major panic attack sets me back to exactly square one?
 

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What helped for me was just letting the thoughts come in and stay as long as they needed. That, time and medication (mirtazapine). I realised that i couldn't control my brain anymore and i needed to let it run its course wothout getting too worked up about what was going on. Also just veiwing the thoughts as inconsequential
 

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I know it doesnt feel like it now but: This too, shall pass.
With time, it wont be as severe or cause as much anxiety. Just gotta give your brain time to adapt.
Maybe you could try something like grounding exercizes?

Also, YES, dp does indeed feel like it changes everyday, at least it did in my case. Every new day, it felt like the feeling was just evolving into a new dreadful reality that felt completely foreign and new and scary.
 
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