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So for the past week I've been feeling really bad, like really really bad. I'm amazed by the fact that the dpdr can in fact get worse even when I think I'm at my lowest. Since about 3-4 days back my symptoms have increased so so so heavily. I just can't stop my thoughts. There's no way to distract myself, and the existential thoughts are literally consuming me. I can't be with anyone because I can't take in their presence, to me it's unbelievable that someone can hear what I'm saying and have an opinion or thought about me. Everything is just so absurd, so absurd in fact that I might go insane. I'm not kidding when I say I'm pretty sure I won't last this week. I'll either go insane and turn into a vegetable, or I'll have to end it. I can't recognise myself at all, and I get at least 50 attacks a day where I feel as if I leave my body and the world. This cannot be normal. I hate that it turned out this way, but I really don't think I can fight it anymore. I don't think I'll ever get out of it even a little bit. I don't want to babble on about my symptoms, they're just so strong that I might go crazy. They're really really really taking over my brain and body. I'm so exhausted from trying to hold it together, and it doesn't get better for me. I hate to be so negative, but I can't do this anymore. On top of all this I've lost all my friends, my grades have gone down so much, I can't go to school anymore, everyone hates me, I lay at home all day miserable. I either can't eat anymore or I'll eat to much, my weight has been dropping or going up so much lately. I feel like crap and my mind is really trying to distance me from it, but it's just making it worse. There's nothing left to fight for. I'm sorry for coming on here so negative, I've really tried to be positive and help people but honestly I struggle a lot right now. It's stress, anxiety, depression, dpdr, fear, losing weight. It's never ending for me.
I'm not writing this to get pity, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I don't think I'll make it.
 

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I've been in a similar situation a couple of times in my life. I was suffering severe anxiety and there was no respite for me because my insomnia was really bad as well. I couldn't turn off my mind. I couldn't get any rest and I would lose

30 lbs because the anxiety made me nauseous when I tried to eat. I don't like to take medications, but I now understand they were developed for people like me under those circumstances. I started taking Seroquel for the insomnia. I didn't particularly

like it, but it gave me the rest I needed. It also helped ease the anxiety somewhat. Sleep is extremely important when battling a depressive episode. You simply cannot afford to "burn the candle at both ends". I also used Klonopin when the anxiety

got severe. It allowed me to function when otherwise, I could not have due to the anxiety. I don't know how I survived the low points of a couple of my major depressive episodes. I honestly did not think I would survive them. But I did, and I went on to enjoy life for another 8 or 10 years until I would have another episode.

I never had any difficulty in discontinuing those medications when I no longer needed them. I have now survived 5 episodes of major depression, and I think the average number of major episodes someone can expect to have in a lifetime is between 4 and 5. Hopefully, I'm done. If not, I know what medications can help me. I can also go into the hospital and

have ECT. I had that in 2014, and it was a game changer for me. In fact, I haven't had to take any meds for the previous 6 years, after being on them for 25 years. I don't have to commit suicide for lack of options. If you want to live, give the meds a try. Don't throw in the towel until you have

tried ECT. It's really is no big deal. It can make a world of difference. Good luck.
 

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Don't throw in the towel until you have

tried ECT.
I mean, I wouldn't throw in the towel AT ALL. But sure lol.

If the entirety of the medical field had to provide evidence for the effectiveness of their technology and research; you would be the perfect candidate. Its like your brain is perfectly engineered to respond to any form of treatment. You respond to medication, ECT, and you had the form of epilepsy that can be detected by EEG's.

I don't mean any offence by the way. I just think its extraordinary how the medical field had the answers to virtually all your problems
 

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I was exactly where you were just two days ago. I pulled through.

Are you sure it has actually gotten worse or is it your anxiety telling you that? If it really has, that doesn't mean anything, it'll get better.

I am amazed by the humans will to live. Its like, three months ago I thought if I had this my whole life I would kill myself. Now, its 10x worse but I really don't believe in suicide anymore. Of course I have my moments, but I wanna live damnit! Don't underestimate the human spirits ability to carry on. There are people of this world who have kissed the face of hell and have risen back to the surface. This may all sound like some hocus pocus bullshit, but it's really not. At the end, that's all there is: The human spirit and adversity, as long as you are living you are winning the fight.
 

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Ey I’ve been through this shit before and I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I did and I got to enjoy life for a few more years until covid. It is no surprise we’re feeling this bad, considering how shit life may seem right now. However once the pandemic fixes itself perhaps it will get a bit easier for all of us, after all the pandemic has increased stress in a good deal of people and we know that stress ain’t good for DP. Watch a movie, a tv series, play cards, do whatever you can to keep yourself busy and pull through the day, you can consider “rest” as your sleep/dream in a better reality.
 

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Do you think you've been feeling worse because of the stress from school? Just two months ago I was where you are at, I'm sorry you're feeling this shitty. I know you said you were scared of taking medication, but please reconsider. If its the stress from school please know that your health comes first, take breaks, get enough sleep, and please try your best to eat 3 meals a day. You don't need to keep it together if doing so is hurting you to the point where you think you wont survive. It will get better, just please keep on pushing through it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I've been in a similar situation a couple of times in my life. I was suffering severe anxiety and there was no respite for me because my insomnia was really bad as well. I couldn't turn off my mind. I couldn't get any rest and I would lose
30 lbs because the anxiety made me nauseous when I tried to eat. I don't like to take medications, but I now understand they were developed for people like me under those circumstances. I started taking Seroquel for the insomnia. I didn't particularly
like it, but it gave me the rest I needed. It also helped ease the anxiety somewhat. Sleep is extremely important when battling a depressive episode. You simply cannot afford to "burn the candle at both ends". I also used Klonopin when the anxiety
got severe. It allowed me to function when otherwise, I could not have due to the anxiety. I don't know how I survived the low points of a couple of my major depressive episodes. I honestly did not think I would survive them. But I did, and I went on to enjoy life for another 8 or 10 years until I would have another episode.
I never had any difficulty in discontinuing those medications when I no longer needed them. I have now survived 5 episodes of major depression, and I think the average number of major episodes someone can expect to have in a lifetime is between 4 and 5. Hopefully, I'm done. If not, I know what medications can help me. I can also go into the hospital and
have ECT. I had that in 2014, and it was a game changer for me. In fact, I haven't had to take any meds for the previous 6 years, after being on them for 25 years. I don't have to commit suicide for lack of options. If you want to live, give the meds a try. Don't throw in the towel until you have
tried ECT. It's really is no big deal. It can make a world of difference. Good luck.
Hi! Thanks so much for the response. Your story is for sure impressive! I mean surviving 5 episodes of depression? That takes a lot, I truly hope this is the last one, after such long time you deserve it! I've understood that sleep does make quite a difference, lately I haven't slept a lot because I have a bad habit of staying up on my phone late. Also because of anxiety. Also I'm so nauseous all the time so I really can barely eat. I've dealt with an eating disorder before so my brain tries to convince me that it's good that I can't eat, while I at the same time try to get better. While writing this I'm honestly embarrassed that I haven't thought about the fact that these things control my brain quite a lot.
I might consider meds actually, I keep going back and forth. On one hand I'm scared that something will go wrong, but at the same time I can't function normally at this time so maybe it's a good idea. I'll have to speak with a psychiatrist about it, now I'm just thinking by my own without actually knowing anything. Considering I do deal with anxiety and depression, maybe antidepressants will help. Depression seems to play a big part in dpdr from what I've read, right now I'm focusing more on the anxiety.

Anyways, thanks again! Wishing you all the best:)
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I was exactly where you were just two days ago. I pulled through.

Are you sure it has actually gotten worse or is it your anxiety telling you that? If it really has, that doesn't mean anything, it'll get better.

I am amazed by the humans will to live. Its like, three months ago I thought if I had this my whole life I would kill myself. Now, its 10x worse but I really don't believe in suicide anymore. Of course I have my moments, but I wanna live damnit! Don't underestimate the human spirits ability to carry on. There are people of this world who have kissed the face of hell and have risen back to the surface. This may all sound like some hocus pocus bullshit, but it's really not. At the end, that's all there is: The human spirit and adversity, as long as you are living you are winning the fight.
Yeah it has actually been really bad these days, especially last night. Although it might feel more intense because I feel like I can't talk to someone because I've complained for so long now. Also because I'm so sad, sleep deprived and nauseous. I need to start giving myself those reality checks lol, it's just so hard when you're in the tough episodes.

I kinda think that's my issue, I don't really want to live, haven't for like a year now. That's my depression talking ig haha. I do appreciate the pep talk tho! "As long as you are living you are winning the fight", wow that's one good quote! I'll think about that the next time I feel like giving up. Thanks:)
 

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Ey I've been through this shit before and I thought I wouldn't make it, but I did and I got to enjoy life for a few more years until covid. It is no surprise we're feeling this bad, considering how shit life may seem right now. However once the pandemic fixes itself perhaps it will get a bit easier for all of us, after all the pandemic has increased stress in a good deal of people and we know that stress ain't good for DP. Watch a movie, a tv series, play cards, do whatever you can to keep yourself busy and pull through the day, you can consider "rest" as your sleep/dream in a better reality.
Oh yes I guess this pandemic has had more impact on my mental health than I thought it would. In the beginning sure I was scared but nothing compared to these past 3 months. Also a bit scary because in my country it's been pretty chill with restrictions but now suddenly they're more strict. But I like your tips, most put a lot of pressure on people with mental health because that's "supposed to make you feel better", in reality we're all just tired and try to make it through the day. I'll make sure to put aside time for myself to calm down and do happy things even if I'm not feeling too cheerful! I do hope this pandemic thing will calm down when a vaccine comes, not just for my sake but for everyone else's. Thanks again for the advice:)
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Do you think you've been feeling worse because of the stress from school? Just two months ago I was where you are at, I'm sorry you're feeling this shitty. I know you said you were scared of taking medication, but please reconsider. If its the stress from school please know that your health comes first, take breaks, get enough sleep, and please try your best to eat 3 meals a day. You don't need to keep it together if doing so is hurting you to the point where you think you wont survive. It will get better, just please keep on pushing through it.
Yeah I'll think about it. I'm just scared that meds would make it worse, but at this point what do I have to lose? I think school might be a little reason as to why I'm feeling like this, but mostly I would say that being home all day alone with no one to talk to really is what has brought me down. I just feel so trapped when everything around me looks weird and my thoughts are all weird. It's like my life is this claustrophobia bubble. Right now I'm really just waiting for it to get the slightest bit better so I get some hope. Thanks a lot for the response!:)
 
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