[person3]

Kind of an extension of Sebastian's post...

One thing, is that sometimes instead of trying to change a particular situation (like not getting the ticket to see star wars in the same theater with my friends...lol) i just let it happen instead of try to take the steps to make it happen, and i sit with it.

it doesn't always work but maybe instead of trying to make something the way you want it, start small, and let it slide. Maybe a little argument at work. for one time, don't be right, or for one time, do the thing you don't want to do.

Also new situations and such...i'm doing some volunteer work and I think it helps, as I am out in a different situation where i don't have the same narcissistic expectations that I would in a situation where I could get drunk or hook up with somebody. Weeding the garden at the local museum is SO not about me. But I'm there to do it. And I understand that i will get nothing directly from it. i just go and even if I feel like crap try to be interested in what's going on and what everybody has to say.

staying away from situations that will flare up narcissistic disappointment can help. Instead of going out to the bar, hang out with someone close to you that you held a grudge against and...get to like them. Something different.

If the disturbance revolves around another person (I'm talking NOT about the people in life that you DONT like, i'm talking about the ones you DO like and try to fantasize that they're something they are not. I think you know the difference.), do your best to avoid them. You will learn more on your own than being around them.

Also, don't look for the "highest highs" in the world. The most glamourous vacations and the best hotels and running into movie stars (or even just hooking up with a good looking person) will never fulfill you. Life isn't about the glittery things.

Also, think of the things you feel like you're too "good" for. I would avoid doing fun things like going to amusement parks because I felt too mature for that...i would avoid going out to movies because "why waste time on that", etc. Think of these things and maybe try one again. Be NOT too good for something.

These won't do too much in themselves, but they'll help you see some other options.

 

[dakotajo]

I want your picture back with the blue lipstick.

 

[Martinelv]

Joe, you are as shallow as a puddle in the Sahara. :lol:

I like what you've said Person3. These subjects always appeal to me, they are close to my heart. I'm never satisfied, never have been. Not in a selfish way, at least I hope not, I just feel, well, I dunno, like 'something' is missing. If I believed in a soul, I'd say it was that, but seeing as I don't, it must be something else. Even in situations where I have everything I possibly could want, money, beautiful loving women, great friends, great jobs, lying on a beach sipping tequila, there is still a knot in my guts about.......something. I really don't understand it. It's always the same intensity, whether I'm lying destitute in a gutter, or having the time of my life. It's just there, always has been - and it's left me without any peace.

This is going to sound terribly big-headed, but I'm not showing off - it's just the truth. In my 33 years I've achieved everything I set out to do, without much effort, travelled the world, got a great education, married (and divorced) the woman of my dreams, washed orphaned elephants in the hills of Sri Lanka, thrown myself out of airplanes (with parachute), fried my brains with almost every drug known to man and enjoyed it and come out of the other side (relatively) unscathed, etc etc. I feel like, well, there's nothing left for me...of course there are millions of experiences and places to go and see, but it doesn't seem to be enough, if you know what I mean. If I ran up Mount Everest backwards and made love to Natalie Portman at the top, I'd still feel (apart from breathless) like I'm........oh, I dunno. Empty perhaps. Maybe this is a human condition of the selfish and fortunate...I dunno. Maybe when you've experienced extreme suffering and extreme happyness (and I've had both) then life becomes mundane...whatever the choices.

Oh, I don't know. It's wicked of me to moan because I've had a charmed life...it just puzzles and, to put it lightly, pisses me off.

 

[person3]

hm have you ever tried living a terribly average life?

 

[Ben]

Person3,4,5,6,7,8,9.....

First off, I think your name would be cooler if you changed it to PersonX; but that's just my opinion.

I really agree with your post. Remembering back to when I first came out of the disorder, and noticing my lifestyle changes now, I definitely see trends where my highest highs are the result of extra-personal awareness and feeling connected to others, communicating, etc. You're very right on and I know people just starting off in the disorder will benefit from your writing.

 

[Martinelv]

hm have you ever tried living a terribly average life?

Tried, failed. Bliss or total misery always hunt me down, in equal measure.

 

[person3]

i know what you mean martin, but i've noticed something else about that...sometimes when i have an opportunity to slip to one extreme or the other, i instead go NEAR it but not TO it, or i THINK about it for a while, and i just sit with it.

And i can actually feel, if i'm going TOWARD the situation, chemicals in my brain doing an almost opiate-like thing. I literally feel a smooth, happily numb high. It's very weird. And when I AVOID the situation I feel withdrawal symptoms. I'm a bit shaky, etc.

I don't know if i'm the only one who has this, but next time you feel a need to go to the extreme, stop and experiment with this. You kind of can see how your brain reacts to it like an addiction, it floods the chemicals in your head as you're about to go do those things, and those chemicals feel GOOD until you realize why they're there. They numb the pain. I swear to god, this is an endorphin thing or something. You might be addicted to the endorphin rush because it numbs out the real feelings. Try slowing down before you make a decision and just kind of observe how you feel. Eventually the shakiness of withdrawal becomes enjoyable because it feels alive.