[Beth]

Ok, so after a stressful couple of days I had a coffee for the first time in a while, was up late, hungry, in a library lit by fluorescent lights reading a philosophy book...

In retrospect that was pretty stupid.

I got to a bit about the 'locality of thoughts,' and freaked. The feeling I hate the most, the one that starts panic attacks that leave me shaking for hours, is that my mind is coming up out of my head, it sort of hovers 2 metres or so above me, or it expands, or instead it goes into my hand or something. I hate it. There's a couple of things I really don't understand, and I wonder if anyone can help:

1) What the hell is the feeling, and it is a real physical feeling that anyone would interpret in the same way, of my mind floating out of my head? How can that be a feeling? What's my head actually doing when it happens?

2) And how does it relate to thinking about philosophy? Is it just because there's a vague kind of tie-in of themes, just that it reminds me of how bad I can feel? That seems sensiblish, coz I don't understand how there could be any other relation between thinking hard about the nature of my mind, and my mind spiralling out of my control. If other people can think about anything without going nuts, why not me?

I'm doing a philosophy degree, so help! I can't just avoid these thoughts and these books. I so much want to be able to think about things that interest me without going mad. And next term we have tutorials, I can't bear the thought of having to leave because I was scared...I suppose I'd say I had a migraine or something, but what if it happened every time? God, I want to sort this out. I'm so frustrated. Does it ever really go away to the point you can think about whatever you like?

 

[Guest]

Any abnormal feeling is due to anxiety. I had this feeling every day for months on end. It is very hard to describe. But I do know what you mean its like it has expanded or something & almost like there is this big vortex in your head. It is unreal & feels like its not of this earth.

This is also the first feeling I get when I am anxious. Its all anxiety based. All I know is once I calm down & kick the thoughts it goes.

Maybe Janine can give you a hand with this one.

 

[Beth]

Thanks for replying.

Maybe you're right. I don't feel like I'm a very anxious person. But I suppose even if it's just circular anxiety about feeling weird then that could make sense.

Anyway just reading that makes me feel a bit better, I so much want to feel normal permanently. I feel better just thinking 'it's all anxiety,' so I guess that pretty much shows it is.

Urgh, I know decent sleeping patterns would help, will go to bed now...

 

[Beth]

Oh, but when it started, before I knew what it was, I did it on purpose. I wasn't anxious about the various feelings, I was interested. And when I started feeling them spontaneously I don't think that it was because I was worried about them or anything else. It just happened.

 

[Guest]

Hi Beth

1. " What the hell is the feeling, and it is a real physical feeling that anyone would interpret in the same way, of my mind floating out of my head?"

I do not know for certain but just a quick idea as i have had similar sensations and thoughts.

There is a psych term called "ego dislocation" where our sense of self which usaully resides in the head feels as though it is moving around in our environment, i.e. in our own body or in the outer world around us. I have had experiences where it felt that my ego or mind had left my body and had gone across the room into the body of another person. When they would move I had the sensation of falling. It was very frightening when I snapped back into my body and I felt an incredible burning anxiety in my chest and a sense of physical vertigo. My mind seemed (seems) to be located in the area of my head and down into my chest into the area of my heart. IT was very confusing and scary. It didn't last long though and when I mentioned it to a Jungian alternative therapist some years later he said that he believed it may have been a form of "astral projection." That may also be a "reasonable" explanation for your experience.
john