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well, i struggle with my symptoms very much in the past 11 months. but now, its time for relinquishing. it will sound depressed, but its not.

i wont give a fuck anymore about how i perceive my identity and reality. fuck off. i will one day die just like everyone else. fun and success in life are overhyped. even people with 70 years of a fantastic life dies like a piece of shit and he cant take everything with him in the grave. why the fuck doing this pressure to live with an idealistic thinking? why? im ill. maybe i will find a way to overcome this. maybe not. but fuck off. i know exactly i didnt any fault for become like this. it was bullying and a bad family. its not my fault bitch. if i would know back then, it will cause something like this motherfucker named dpdr, then i would try to change everything. but holy fuck, how the fuck i should know? its ridiculous. there are ways for me to live a fulfilled life. its religion. its very sad im not religious like i used to. but i think i can recover those beliefs. and when im 70 years old and realize „my life will ends soon", then i can say at least „i lived a good life for the hereafter"
 

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Hey leminaseri, I admire your spirit, and I think you are reaching some important realizations. You are right, you could not have done anything back then when you were bullied and when your family treated you badly, because you were just a kid or a teen, and it is absolutely not your fault that you have to suffer now only because you already suffered before.

If there is one thing I learned about people who struggle with DP, is that we are some incredibly stubborn and creative people who just refuse to give up, even though DP is an incredibly difficult state to endure, and someone who has never been there cannot possibly understand what that means. It also gives you a unique perspective on life, just as you say. Everything becomes exposed in way, all the pretense and staged lives. When we are so acutely aware of it all, the least we can do is to be better people, starting with being better to ourselves. Stay strong:)
 
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