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Hello,

I don´t know how to start but I´ll give it a try. 1 year ago after I smoked some weed for the second time in my life I got a panic attack and wished that all would stop. 3d after smoking I felt a bit dazed, which caused me to think I develop schizophrenia. It was at it´s worst when it was daytime and it almost completely fade away at night.

After it got worse, I looked up for symptoms for schizophrenia. For the first time I had to think almost every minute, if I´m being chased and stuff like that. I went to an early warning centre for schizophrenia in my country and the doctors told me that I´m far away from developing schizophrenia.

My thoughts calmed down a bit, but now I was questioning reality. I´ve read an article about solipsism and asked my college at work ( who actually studied philosophy ), if I can´t prove that other minds exist and he just said "yes you can´t". That changed my whole life/ world.

What if im dreaming? What if others are not real? What if I am not real?

I have these thoughts for 1 year now and it has gotten so much better, my anxiety slowly faded and I didn´t have to think about it 24/7. For 2 months now I´m back to having these thoughts every minute. Even now, while I´m typing this. The worst part is, sometimes I don´t know if I believe what I´m thinking and due to my DP/DR it does feel like it is true sometimes. I´m already in therapy but it doesn´t help. I tried citalopram for 2 days but I got a panic attack and went to the hospital. I have several panic attacks every week..

1 week ago I developed new compulsive thoughts, which include questions like: " How do I know what is right/wrong ? "; "What is `nothing´?" "Is this life `nothing´ ?". Banal stuff like. " How do I know what I like ? "

These questions are so weird/ non-sense and I would do all to just get rid of these thoughts. For the first time in my life, I even thought about suicide, because it´s such a pain. I´m 23 and I never ever had OCD / pure-O or any other mental health issues in my life and life sucks right now. I still can´t believe I do have a life like this now. The only thing that helps me is work. When im at work, my thoughts calm down and all feels more real. I would rather work that stay at home.

I just don´t know what do to anymore? Should i give medication another try? Do I have to live like this for the rest of my life?

I think this is one of the worst kind of OCD, because there is no proof. I would rather live in a simulation/ dream without having these thoughts, then in a reality with these thoughts. Some might think now, why would I even care about living in a dream? Because everything would be fake, my friends / loved ones, wouldn´t be real and that scares me.

English isn´t my 1st language, so pardon me. Hope there´s someone out, who can share his/her story with me, because I´m truly desperate.
 

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Hi Respekta. I've dealt with intrusive thoughts and ruminations on and off for 5 years. I've gone through periods of complete recovery in that time aswell. My method for tackling intrusive thoughts is to distance myself from my mind. With this, i mean you've got to let the thoughts come and go freely, without interacting with them. Stop fighting your brain, it is not in your control and you will never make yourself feel better by fighting your thoughts every day.

Learn to be an observer of your thoughts, see them for what they are: just thoughts, that are no more important than any other thought. Let them come and go. You've already seen improvement and so you know you're going to be ok. I was suicidal aswell but a year later the thoughts have been reduced to 'just a bit of a pain in the ass'. You'll notice they will lose their intensity with this method.

Good luck brother. I already see a lot of positives in your story, your going to be just fine. Sucks how long it csn last though doesn't it
 

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I'm about 60% recovered right now. There is still a lot that bothers me but it's so much better than 1 year ago. It was never going to be a quick fix for me though, i was in such a bad way. Like you i have banal stuff running through my head all day, 'how do i know things' 'how do i remember things when i wake up' 'what is personality' etc. Etc. Im sat here wondering where the words are coming from and how i'm typing haha. It's all meaningless bullshit!

I suffered solipsism 4 years ago for about 6 months, but i didn't buy into the thoughts or worry about schizophrenia. I knew it was all crap and eventually it just went. I don't know why the brain does it in DP but it's so, so common

Like you i got dp from weed a long time ago

Yes you can recover, it's not an 'if', it's a 'when'. Just remember what i said about how to deal with thoughts. Be calm, don't fight them. Watch them evaporate
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Wow thanks for sharing that story it helps a lot.. I have read so many recovery stories and I think it just needs time
 

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Yes and it always takes a lot longer than you'd like. My heart goes out to you. Don't give up brother, you'll look back and realise this was all part of recovery. I will not stop until my brain is back in its natural playful state, and neither should you.

The brain wants to be well. You've just got to give it the right conditions to achieve it
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
thanks for posting. I kinda have weird questions now, which don´t make any sense and I´m not even able to describe them. When I had solipsism OCD, I knew what I was afraid of, now it´s just hard to describe. It´s OCD-based but it´s weird. It´s like "what does word mean? "what is meaning in general?" Even when I type this I´m having these thoughts, which scare the heck out of me. Maybe I´m going psyotic, because I feel like im loosing touch with reality. Im feeling so bad atm. When I had solipsism OCD, I could watch a movie and kinda silence the thoughts for like 15 - 30 min but now it´s like perma-running trough my mind. It´s so hard to describe. I never had sleep difficulties, but now I do have them. It´s here for 4 days now and I don´t know what to do. For the 1st time, struggeling is so hard, I do think about suicide, because this is pure hell..
 

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I completely lost touch with reality because of dp. It's not psychosis.

You don't have to describe, because I suffer it aswell. Your (and my) brain are not in our control, don't fight it.

When discussing suicide, if you had 2 options: first option you die immediately and it all ends. Second option: you become your old self again and live a healthy, happy life. Which one would you choose?
 

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Discuss sleep with your gp, it's an important aspect of dp recovery. I suffered insomnia for years. Now i sleep well because of mirtazapine
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Life feels like a dream right now. It´s hard to believe that all this is real; I don´t know anymore.. I want to but my feelings/ depression just make me believe that this is all dreamed up
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
It just started with "what if" and now it feels like it is a dream and I don´t know if I ever wake up from this
 

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Having solipsistic thoughts is a symptom. If the world and people around you look unreal then of course you get these thoughts. That does not mean it's true. Just realizing that might help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Even if I don´t have DP/DR I have these feelings and thoughts, which I cannot control. What if I always believed that the world is just a dream, but I didn´t have the right words

/ thoughts for it..
 

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Even if I don´t have DP/DR I have these feelings and thoughts, which I cannot control. What if I always believed that the world is just a dream, but I didn´t have the right words

/ thoughts for it..
Sounds like you are really obsessing over these things. You have to let these thoughts go by not resisting them, just let them flow. Trying to control them just makes it worse. Everything is probabilities, does these thoughts make any sense? No.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I just wanna know: can you fully recover from that? I mean I wanna laugh about these thoughts and I wanna know that they absurd I wanna feel real and connected again
 

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I just wanna know: can you fully recover from that? I mean I wanna laugh about these thoughts and I wanna know that they absurd I wanna feel real and connected again
I really think it's possible to recover. There is many stories from people that have. And as others have said, most people that recover don't come back here. People say it's like waking up from a bad dream and they can't even remember what it feels like, because it's a state of feeling empty. I think the key to recover is to get rid of the coping, connecting back to your emotions. That's my theory. Don't give up, i'm almost recovered myself after 5 years.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
One more question: Is it "normal" that my brain wants me convince that solipsism is true? It´s kinda weird because I don´t want to believe in these thoughts and I want to resist but sometimes my brain is like " yeah solipsism is true " and sometimes, when I´m distracted I´m like "wow what a nonsense".. I wanna say, like I used to, that these thoughts are bull**** but I can´t atm. Even though, I am almost DP/DR-free. It´s hard
 

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You don't believe solipsism is true. you're brain is worn out and weak to the suggestion which is why these thoughts seem real and worthy of your attention. As your brain recovers, you will start to see the thoughts for what they are, and eventually it will turn into a thought that no longer bothers you at all. At that point, it will dissapear. Solipsism bothered me for 6 months, now i find it laughable bullshit that could never bother me again
 
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