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Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum. I have been browsing the discussions on here for the past few weeks as my experiences with depersonlization have started to become more frequent and it's really started to worry me.

My main concern with my depersonalization is that it only seems to become apparent to me in social situations. For the past 5 weeks I have been feeling extremely foggy headedspaced out and my mind feels extremely dull as if my cognitive abilities have declined. When I'm on my own I usually manage to get myself out of this state by distracting myself and keeping myself busy. However, as soon as I'm around anyone, including close friends, I suddenly feel really detached and emotionally numb. When I'm interacting with others I feel depersonalized in the sense that I have no emotion. I feel like I have to pretend to laugh and smile because otherwise I would just sit there with a straight face. My mind feels empty as though I have nothing to say. I experience the typical feelings of derealization but not always to a really severe degree. People feel 'far away' and as though they're not really part of my environment. I've also noticed that if I am talking to a friend, if there are other people talking around us I find it extremely difficult to concentrate on the conversation I am having with my friend. It is almost as though my sense of sound has sharpened and I can hear the conversations around me a lot more.

This is starting to really frustrate me as I used to feel a lot more natural and emotional in social situations. Now, I feel like I get absolutely nothing from them because I feel so ******** numb. I really want to connect with people again. To feel like I'm really laughing and to feel normal human affection for people. I just don't know how. The only time when I seem to feel like 'myself' and I can act really silly is after drinking loads of alcohol. However, alcohol also has a tendency to make me feel foggy/derealized, and I can never really predict when this is going to happen. Hence, I would rather not rely on alcohol as a social lubricant as I can never really predict if it's going to work.

At the moment I feel like I'm doing everything in my power to get better. I'm eating well, exercising, trying to socialize as much as possible (as difficult as it is), and I'm doing mindfulness meditation twice a day. Does anyone else find that their DP/DR becomes a lot worse in social scenarios? If so, could you offer any advice as to ways of coping with this?

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance,

Jake
 
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