Just what I have read about so far on here..well ok I'll say how I feel. First off it's hard to be new anywhere for me, I tend toward feeling sad and ignored. Yeah I know..Waahh. But anyway I'd like to stay and share more so I will put the "nobody likes me" sh*t aside and keep risking. I hope I can make paragraphs too, I know long winded stuff with no break is hard to read.
-------
Trouble I have is I want one perfect solution, which is unrealsitic. I sift through others experiences trying to find what I would be willing too try. Yes, feeling my case is different but trying to be open minded anyway.
-------------
Before I came here I had definitely tried things on my own to avoid or deal with panic, self hate that comes with it, and Dp-ing. Mostly concluded that I need to stay on meds, and I have put limits on my activity so as not to be overstimulated by this world. However I don't wanna stay this way. I don't want to go out and book a plane trip tomorrow but I would like to make some progress with fear. Fear of people, fear of me, fear of travelling far from home.
--------------
I've read good things here. Like, don't focus on symptoms, it's a dead-end and only increases them. Also it's been suggested to get at what it really IS besides panic & Dp. Of course I will need to get back in therapy. Meanwhile I am really drawn to the idea that what I fear is something important underneath all the drama of symptoms.
---------------
My insight on what I really fear in the midst of being stuck in traffic and then having Dp and a panic attack is:
If I have to sit here crowded in with all these cars, with no quick escape, I will be REALLY ALONE with ME. There is a "me" that I don't want to sit in stillness with. There is a "me" that hates me. If I can move in traffic I can dissociate into the flow with everyone else. So it seems I am really getting by in life, as just one of many motorists, only as long as I don't have to experience the total mistrust I have for others in general, and the lack of confidence I have in me to handle life. I compare the others to myself and I come up short. I imagine they are all ok and know exactly how to handle lfe and have no use for a freak with terror in the next car.
--------------------
I feel like a terrified child. I don't cry, I don't want to make noise, yet want to scream. I feel bottled up. Even though I pray, there is no Higher Power in my sight or access at these times. Does anybody think I am onto any REAL answers by breaking it down thus far?
---------------------
