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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my dpdr is a bit better nowadays, but now another worry (they don't stop!) has came to light - could my dissociated self be more intelligent than my "actual" self? When dissociated my cognitive and memory abilities are pretty good (mainly because I have racing thoughts I think, so I can't stop thinking) so I'd hate to think undissociating would mean I lose this.

I'm also worried that I won't remember anything from the time I was dpdr'd. In my case I've been dissociated my entire life, so it'd be scary to not remember anything from that period. So to anyone recovered or has recovered in the past, do you remember things from the time you were dissociated?
 

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As you know from our conversations, I'm not recovered, so I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to mention how much I relate to this line of thinking.

I remember when I was in college, I was pretty dissociated all the time (though not nearly as dysfunctional as I am now). I had observed that while I was heavily dissociated, writing papers was a hell of an ordeal. It took forever to get thoughts out of my head and onto paper in a way that makes sense. Yet on rarer occasions where I was more social, such as when a friend came to visit me, I observed that the writing process went a lot more smoothly and the general "flow" of ideas felt more natural.

Yet here's the thing: my work, without fail, was far superior when it was the product of a more heavily dissociated state than it was when I felt more connected to life. That isn't to say my work was bad in that state, it was just terribly bland and average. It was during this time that I had a short glimpse of what it must be like being a more "normal" person who goes to school to get the grades to get the job and live their life. Papers written in a more dissociative state won me tons of praise and awards and got me accepted to some of the top graduate programs in the world. Seeing as academics had always been a goal of mine since I was very young, you can understand how DPDR (assuming that's what this even is) has resulted in mixed feelings for me.

Of course, my condition has taken a decidedly negative turn over the years as my cognition and perceptual anomalies and other physical symptoms have gotten so bad that I'm mostly bed bound at this point.

But back to your original post, i don't have any solutions or direct answers to your concern, unfortunately. Just wanted to let you know that this is an under appreciated aspect of the DPDR experience and that someone out there does share your view, if that is any consolation at all.
 

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I've sometimes had the thought that "intelligence," at least mine, such as it is, was a stress reaction growing up in a stressful environment. Having to read people and second guess everything.

So what happens when we calm down? We don't really change as a person, so don't worry, we just find a less scitty, jumpy intelligence and a more steady one takes its place.
 

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Last time i came out of DPDR i couldn't remember what it felt like to be DPd but i remembered fully what i was doing in that period of life. I even started to look back on my recovery period with a bit of nostalgia
 

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As you know from our conversations, I'm not recovered, so I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to mention how much I relate to this line of thinking.

I remember when I was in college, I was pretty dissociated all the time (though not nearly as dysfunctional as I am now). I had observed that while I was heavily dissociated, writing papers was a hell of an ordeal. It took forever to get thoughts out of my head and onto paper in a way that makes sense. Yet on rarer occasions where I was more social, such as when a friend came to visit me, I observed that the writing process went a lot more smoothly and the general "flow" of ideas felt more natural.

Yet here's the thing: my work, without fail, was far superior when it was the product of a more heavily dissociated state than it was when I felt more connected to life. That isn't to say my work was bad in that state, it was just terribly bland and average. It was during this time that I had a short glimpse of what it must be like being a more "normal" person who goes to school to get the grades to get the job and live their life. Papers written in a more dissociative state won me tons of praise and awards and got me accepted to some of the top graduate programs in the world. Seeing as academics had always been a goal of mine since I was very young, you can understand how DPDR (assuming that's what this even is) has resulted in mixed feelings for me.

Of course, my condition has taken a decidedly negative turn over the years as my cognition and perceptual anomalies and other physical symptoms have gotten so bad that I'm mostly bed bound at this point.

But back to your original post, i don't have any solutions or direct answers to your concern, unfortunately. Just wanted to let you know that this is an under appreciated aspect of the DPDR experience and that someone out there does share your view, if that is any consolation at all.
Chip, I just wanted to say that YOU wrote those papers. Symptoms cant write anything, you wrote every word. I like writing fiction, and something I've found is that no matter what state I was in, I was always the same writer. Easy to say, of course, but the point is your condition didn't write anything, you did, so you must give yourself credit
smile.png


I'm talking to myself here as well, as I've not written anything for a while.
 

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I watched a you tube David Letterman episode where one of Dave's young guests had experienced temporal lobe seizures as a toddler.

He developed those mathematical abilities like Tom Cruise in the movie "Rain Man". He could tell you the day of the week that your

mother was born on 30 years ago, etc. He said he was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I just listened to Greta Thunberg's UN address

on climate change. She is a pretty intelligent young lady to also have an Asperger's diagnosis. There used to be a term that is no longer used:

"idiot-savant". That basically describes someone who is a genius in one way, but an idiot in other ways. Musical and mathematical abilities are

typically the acquired genius skills, while emotional and social liabilities define the idiot side of things. I had to develop some skills following my temporal lobe seizures.

I had to rely on my intellect, because I no longer had emotions. I'm pretty good at math, but I can only play 3 chords on the guitar.

I have no idea what day your mother was born on.
 

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Chip, I just wanted to say that YOU wrote those papers. Symptoms cant write anything, you wrote every word. I like writing fiction, and something I've found is that no matter what state I was in, I was always the same writer. Easy to say, of course, but the point is your condition didn't write anything, you did, so you must give yourself credit
smile.png


I'm talking to myself here as well, as I've not written anything for a while.
Of course I wrote them. I don't understand the point of your comment here. This isn't a self-esteem issue; I take credit for both my great work and my more bland, average, uninspired work. I was simply making an observation regarding the relative quality of my work while in various perceived states of connectedness/dissociation. Similar to how an artist might observe greater creativity and "inspiration" while on psychedelics. We as a society don't (in general) decline to give credit to musicians for the songs they wrote and performed while on drugs, though we often do blame the drugs for any social problems they might have. Funny how "mental illness" is, in this sense, only responsible for bad things and not good things that individuals may do. Yes, this was a digression, but it's just another example of how the archaic concept of "mental illness" really needs to go. I sincerely believe that understanding and treatment of "mental health" issues of all stripes will continue to be stalled until the very term is removed from our collective consciousness.

But back to my response to your comment, I appreciate the sentiment and what you were trying to do there; however I think you were misunderstanding the tenor and mood behind my observations. I certainly could have been more clear about it, too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
As you know from our conversations, I'm not recovered, so I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to mention how much I relate to this line of thinking.

I remember when I was in college, I was pretty dissociated all the time (though not nearly as dysfunctional as I am now). I had observed that while I was heavily dissociated, writing papers was a hell of an ordeal. It took forever to get thoughts out of my head and onto paper in a way that makes sense. Yet on rarer occasions where I was more social, such as when a friend came to visit me, I observed that the writing process went a lot more smoothly and the general "flow" of ideas felt more natural.

Yet here's the thing: my work, without fail, was far superior when it was the product of a more heavily dissociated state than it was when I felt more connected to life. That isn't to say my work was bad in that state, it was just terribly bland and average. It was during this time that I had a short glimpse of what it must be like being a more "normal" person who goes to school to get the grades to get the job and live their life. Papers written in a more dissociative state won me tons of praise and awards and got me accepted to some of the top graduate programs in the world. Seeing as academics had always been a goal of mine since I was very young, you can understand how DPDR (assuming that's what this even is) has resulted in mixed feelings for me.

Of course, my condition has taken a decidedly negative turn over the years as my cognition and perceptual anomalies and other physical symptoms have gotten so bad that I'm mostly bed bound at this point.

But back to your original post, i don't have any solutions or direct answers to your concern, unfortunately. Just wanted to let you know that this is an under appreciated aspect of the DPDR experience and that someone out there does share your view, if that is any consolation at all.
i definitely get what you mean here, i can't compare to anything i've written in an undissociated state, but when writing i feel very creative, i could write about anything. i think because dissociation means there's no inhibitions in your brain, it's much easier to think and link unrelated ideas together and then think of a creative way to word them. i suppose when "undissociated" your brain would have stronger inhibitions, so you're less creative? this seems to be the case for me, though i haven't been undissociated long enough to write something to compare it with.

I've sometimes had the thought that "intelligence," at least mine, such as it is, was a stress reaction growing up in a stressful environment. Having to read people and second guess everything.

So what happens when we calm down? We don't really change as a person, so don't worry, we just find a less scitty, jumpy intelligence and a more steady one takes its place.
oh yes, some thoughts i have when dissociated such as how to read people and act out social cues are non existent when undissociated, because i don't need them.

Last time i came out of DPDR i couldn't remember what it felt like to be DPd but i remembered fully what i was doing in that period of life. I even started to look back on my recovery period with a bit of nostalgia
that's a relief, i've been dissociated most of my life so it'd be incredibly trippy to not remember basically my entire existence. i guess they'll just seem kind of distant though, no emotion attached to them.
 
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