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Hi, all.

I've been feeling somewhat better recently. I think I am slowly on the road to recovery. I've been using cognitive behavioral therapy for any and all anxiety-fueled feelings or thoughts I get as well as, what I like to call, the "flicking" method. Basically, whenever I get a weird thought or feeling or sensation, I "flick" it away in my mind as "just another thought" "it's just OCD" or "it's just DP/DR". It seems to be helping. I've also re-started taking inositol every day (roughly on 12 grams a day right now). I was taking inositol last year and it helped immensely with my OCD and DP/DR, but then it stopped working, so I took six weeks off and just restarted it a few days ago.

Anywho, despite doing everything I've been doing...one thing has been bothering me to no end. The depersonalization. So basically, from morning to night, I totally feel like I'm not me. Sometimes I get weird thoughts like "maybe I shouldn't be human" or "why am I having this human experience?" and I know it's just my weird existential OCD, but it freaks me out. Many nights, I basically force myself to go to sleep because I feel like any moment I'm going to go nuts; I am freaked out that I'm a human in control of a body...as crazy and delusional as that sounds (and yes, I often get thoughts that maybe I'm nuts or becoming delusional). I know it's a focus issue, as most of the issues I deal with are focus related - basically, the more I think about it, the more anxious I get.

Like today, I was out all day and felt pretty damn great. Then I got home and began to unwind and relax...and there goes the depersonalization and existential thoughts again!

I really think a lot of my issues could be resolved if I just felt more connected to myself rather than a separate identity to my body. Basically, I'll be doing or saying things and I kinda think to myself "oh my gosh, I'm in control of this body...is that me talking?" It's very odd and incredibly unsettling.

Do you guys have any tips or advice for dealing with depersonalization and reconnecting to yourself? I've been exercising more often and it seems to help a little, but that nagging disconnect is still almost always there and it freaks me out. If I could just feel like a whole, connected person I don't think the existential thoughts, the harm OCD or anything else would bother me as much. There are times when my body is literally on auto pilot and I'm left freaking out wondering how the hell I'm moving and doing things. To be more clear, it feels like my body and mind are two separate things.

Advice? And if you don't have advice, can anyone who has recovered dealt with this and does it eventually go away?
 
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