[jake]

My sister got a dog while she lived in Los Angeles, a Basset Hound, you know, Hush Puppie Dog? Part of his problem was he was born with irritable bowel and some other stuff, and needed prednisone, which over time made him aggresive. Also though, after he had bit everybody at least once, and then bit her in the FACE! She had moved back East here and a dog trainer told her he was a Fear Biter.

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It seems that since my sis had alot happen which was traumatizing, she turned her dog into a friend, "possesion" even, and he had No training. The lady tld her that she needed to immediately stop letting him push in front of her when they descended stairs, stop letting him sleep in the bed since that was more to meet my sister's needs than it was for the dog. The whole psychology of this I found fascinating b/cuz the lady said the dog had no inner security. He had been let to have his own way but then marked by my sister exploding at him when he acted out.
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He had to know he was safe and the only way to do that was to train him, give him boundaries, discipine, and let him know he was NOT TOP DOG. His fear that HE had to run the show was causing his biting and utter sense of no security. Does anybody else find a correlation to their emotions in this story? Poor guy got cancer and had to be put down in 1999, and my sister had 3 surgeries on her face due to all this. So the consequences were certainly notable.

 

[jake]

Well for me it is a vague sense that my emotions are like this dog I talked about. Rather primitive, animal in their way. And that "they" bite me and others? (though I am basically a nice guy I do have fear of rage inside)..anyway maybe my emotions are fear based b/cuz a part insde feels no safey or security due to my letting things go off half crazy and no one is really in charge or TOP DOG. I don't mean top dog in it's usual sense of "boss" per negative..I mean it in a "parent" inside, adult inside who comforts, disciplines with boundaries and impulse control, SAFETY basically coming from me to me.

 

[LOSTONE]

I think I understand why you wrote this post.

I have never had any discipline. My family life was always chaotic.
I am the youngest member of my family and I always felt that nobody in the house was top dog. The lack of control I had as a child has indeed scrued me up as a man. I am pretty good at controling outside sitiuations but I can't control my own fear and anxiety at all.
I feel like biteing back at all of humanity pretty often, but I never do.

I think one of the biggest reasons people have mental problems is because they were not raised corectly.

 

[jake]

Lostone, thanks for what you said, it is exactly what I was thinking. I was the youngest too and life was chaotic at home. Sometimes no boundaries and then arbitrary out-of-the blue overlords (Mom & Dad) who I guess kept trying to make up for the no-structure times by overdoing it. They have both passed away and I thought I did lots of work on this area of anger but it seems maybe I need to do more. When I talked about past in therapy in years past it was hard to not see it as a movie that happened to someone else. Lord do I need to get back in therapy. It's been a money issue. I have to have a surgery soon and after 6 weeks or 8 weeks of recoup I'll job hunt again and see what I can do. Thanks again for replying.
--jake

 

[LOSTONE]

Sometimes no boundaries and then arbitrary out-of-the blue overlords

LOL, Ha, Thats my whole childhood. My dad was very relaxed and my mom was very hyper. Usally I got no disipline whatsoever, but once in a wile my mom would try to lay down the law and I would retaliate violently if necassary. Most of the time I felt like I was in control of my parents.
Once my parents split up, I got total control of them. If one started laying down the law, I just moved in with the other.
I think it is best to forget about the past and focus on the future. We can't change the fact that we had a messed up childhood, but we can try to have a normal adulthood.

I hope your surgery goes good. If you don't have much money for therapy don't worry, therapy only helps to the degree you let it anyway.
The answer to your problems is on the inside. Therapy is just a guide.

 

[jake]

Yeah, LOL..I can relate. They would try to lay down the law and it was like "who the heck are you all of a sudden playing parent."..Geeeezz..Well they had their own problems God bless 'em. I know also about trying to have a decent adulthood, I guess I'm angry at me so..what to do about that huh? I have to say it's been partly $$ and partl I haven't had anything to talk about "new" in therapy in a year or more and so it's felt good to not "have" to go. Just to the Psychiatrist 3x a year for meds and a short talk. Anyway you are funny as hell, man you crack me up, thanks.