[peacedove]

I am so fed up with feeling this way. Drinking used to be the only time I wouldn't feel my DP, now that doesn't even seem to be working. And of course the next day it's 10 times worse. I have some structure in my life now... a steady job, my sleeping patterns are somewhat normal since I reduced my klonopin, but I still feel the same. I'm so fucking scared all the time. Nothing feels right, nothing feels real. I love my family and my boyfriend, but I feel so distant from them. Sometimes I think my therapist understands my DP and other times it's like we're back at stage one. He takes things too literally. Like saying I feel distant from my family cuz I don't open up to them enough. I wish it were that simple. I pour my heart out to my boyfriend and it's still like there's a pane of glass between us. So it's not that.

I'm so depressed. I think about admitting myself to the hospital a lot. But I'd lose my job and my pets and they don't even know what DP is over there. I'd kill myself if I knew for sure the pain would stop then. Sorry just venting... or trying to. Venting used to make me feel better. But I can't even write like I used to. What I want to say just doesn't come out.

 

[Milan]

I know how you feel, but I don't have anything different to say that hasn't been said before that would help you. Lifes tough and we have to be tougher, but it's ever so draining. The shear endurance that is required to get through this is so taxing on our systems. We want to just give up but we still end up stumbling along.

Maybe take a drive somewhere on a long open road and shout as loud as you can in the car, that may push the demons aside for a while.

I use to love to have a social drink before and it use to quell the symptoms but it doesn't do it for me anymore and the hangovers a hell. I stick to a couple of drinks now and stop before I feel any affect.

We simply must keep going on and trying until we get out of the quagmire.