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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well I?m at uni?, and Ihave an appointment to see the doctor (not a shrink) on Monday, that?s how slow things work aound here.
I know that the only thing he?s gonna? do is prescribe me an ssri. I tried Paxil once two years ago for a week, before stopping. My parents made me, they hate the whole idea of psychiatric medication for someone who appears to be normal. My mum might just stand by me in my decision to take one, but my dad would practically disown me if he knew. I don?t like the idea myself, but I can?t see any other way out this time. Every other extreme dip I?ve had hasn?t been so intense or long lasting as this. I know there are people here who wouldn?t give a second thought to trying meds, and I don?t condemn you for doing so, but for me this will be a big step.
I?m more depressed than I?ve ever been at the moment, so an ssri would at least deal with the depression wouldn?t it. I think my intense dp/ruminative episodes occur alongside my deep depression episodes. I was depressed in a particular cycle for a year before dp came along, and this same cycle continued with added dp. So it would seem that an ssri would be a sensible choice, but which one?
Also, even in my seeminlgy non existent totally f*cked up state, I still have a sense of my responsibilities. I?can?t let this screw up my degree. Also, and I know some of you may think this wishful thinking, I have my Dutch girlfriend (the one I?ve been posting about quite a lot), coming over to visit in about five weeks. There would be no way I could see her in my current state. Even though I am totally lost in nothingness, I do remember a time when I was able to walk down the beach with her, totally in love with her and life. That may as well have happend to another person, or perhaps it?s just a meaningless memory from nowhere, but I still hang on to it. I so badly want to be at least 70% normal for when she visits.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

The answer is only Common Sense 101: try it.

It's your brain, your life. No one else should decide for you if it "looks good" or not to be medicated. Being crippled by mental symptoms doesn't look so good either.

If you don't like the effects after a few months, just stop the med.

If you notice significant improvement and feel more in control of your own mind, stay on the med.

NONE of this is complicated, but humans make "mental illness" such a scary demon in the night that we make it all wayyyyy too convoluted.

Peace, my friend,
p.s. the TRICK for you will be this: no med is going to MAKE you stop obsessing. It might help you to help yourself to stop. But don't expect any chemical to enter your brain and "take over" for you. Use it as an aid, not a solution.

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As always, no one wants to take meds of any kind, but it is a shame that meds for emotional problems have such stigma.

Axel do what you need to do to feel better, whatever YOU feel comfortable with. At 19 your father doesn't have to allow you to take meds, correct? You are not a minor.

There are options, and you are truly in pain right now, emotional pain, the most horrible kind.

It's impossible to say what the right med is, but it sounds as if you need something. It seems to be torture to live without an option.

Make the right decision for yourself, not based on what anyone thinks about a psych med. So many people have problems.

And ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't even think about the pressures ahead. School, your girlfriend. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself, #1. You are YOUNG, believe me. Nip this in the bud NOW, with any ways you can. You will not ruin your college career, you are not obligated to be healthy for this girl. She is just going to have to understand that.

I'm sorry things are so miserable for you these days. I can only compare this Hell to when I first moved out to California after university. It was sheer unmitigated horror. I HAD to leave my mother, but had she been more supportive, I may have made many other decisions for MYSELF, that would have been far more productive.

Take care of YOU.
Believe me.
And one day at a time.
Take Care,

Hey Axel
My story of mental illness sounds a bit like yours. I was dead against taking these meds & then I did & got better & went off & swore to never go back there again. But stress in life happened & I didn't deal with getting better I let the drugs do the work & that is why I got sick again. My husband to be at the time said he would completely give up on me if I went back on the pills. It wasn't until HIS FAMILY said look you are getting married in 6 months, you know she will get better by taking them, let her be well. So I took the pills & have been working with Janine's advice & I have gotten to about 85% well again.

Take the pills & better yourself. Do what is best for you, you are the one that is suffering & you have to wake up with it every day - everyone else can walk away. You need help & it ain't going to happen by just ignoring it. Your parents are right, you are normal but you are ill at the moment & just like a diabetic needs insulin, right now you need help with your brain chemicals.

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Dear Axel,
Since I'm a college student myself, who also worries about what his parents and his girlfriend thinks, I think I understand your situation. If I knew what I know now, I would have taken an anticonvulsant at the age of 19. Try one like Lamicatal, Topomax, or Klonopin. I used to get "lost" in myself all the time, and I think these can really help with that symptom. If you try an SSRI, my younger brother takes Zoloft, and I have yet to read an adverse report about it. Dont ever expect your parents to understand this problem- mine never did, and never will. As people get older, their thinking gets simpler and they get more set in their ways. I dont think our parents have the capacity to understand. So dont rely on their advice. Use your young, informed, intelligent mind to make some intelligent informed decisions. And hopefully your life will turn out even better than your parents'.

Good luck!
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