[SpoopD]

Hey, this is my first post here and I hope it's going to the right place.
I just want to get this off my chest I guess and hear from others who are going through similar things. I've never talked to anyone about these things so... Sorry this got a bit long.

I'm currently 17 ( gonna be 18 this year ) and I've had these periods of time where I don't feel real or feel like I'm in a dream for some years now. I think. I had few of them when I was a kid but apparently that's pretty normal so I didn't pay much thought to that.
I think it really started to become more frequent when I was around 13. Back then I also had sort of a teenage depression for some time. These "episodes" didn't usually last too long, few hours maybe. Sometimes it would be a day. Back then I found the feeling pleasant though. It felt like I was high or drunk. Days passed easier on school that way. It gave me an escape from the anxiety I felt in school and other bad thoughts.
I think once my teenage depression faded, the derealization got worse. Suddenly I didn't feel depressed, but I felt empty. Days just passed by and everything felt... Fuzzy.
I was around 15-16 when it got worse. The episodes would last longer and I started to realize that maybe something wasn't right.
Now I'm in a different school and don't feel as much anxiety so the derealization started to feel eerie.
I'd be walking to school and the world around me didn't feel real. Everything felt flat and blurry. Like I'd be looking at the road where cars would be driving and I just felt like because I'm not standing on the road, it's not real. IDK it's hard to explain but I guess you guys understand. Everything just feels... Wrong. Incorrect. Crooked.

This last year the feelings gotten constant. At least i think so. I can't really distinguish when I'm feeling "right" anymore, if I ever even do.
What really threw me off was when I went on a walk one day. Like 10 minutes after I got home from that walk, I couldn't remember if I had gone on a walk that day or if it was like days before. I mean I knew it was that day, but the memory of that walk felt so distant. I've had that type of confusion with time and memories before but I've just brushed it off.

So, I finally decided to research a bit. And then I realized that so many other symptoms that have been bothering me, are caused by DP. Like feeling disconnected from my memories. Having trouble remembering ( especially my childhood ). My emotions are very flat and I've noticed that I rarely feel happy the way I used to. Even when I'm laughing with people, I feel.. robotic I guess. Like I'm faking it even though the laugh comes naturally.
One of the worst things is that I feel disconnected from the people in my life. I feel like my parents aren't my parents. That they aren't the people from my fuzzy memories. Like they're just some random people that I'm just supposed to know. It's... Awful in a way. It's something I don't even wanna mention to my family.

I feel like I'm sitting on a bench just watching life pass by in a blur.

I'm not diagnosed with anything. I've never been to a psychiatrist or therapist or anything. I went to a school curator like twice when I was 13 but I've never really been the type to seek help.

But now I don't know. For the first time I'm actually thinking about reaching out to like a school psychiatrist. I don't know if it would really help but idk what to do. I'm tired.
Do any of you have any suggestions or experiences that could help?


Again sorry this got long but it feels really good to put this into writing.

 

[coolwhip27]

If you are wondering whether you should get help, first rate yourself out of a 1-10 for the pain it causes you. And... as far as help goes. All I can say is this. If there’s no anxiety, no ocd, DONT take meds... don’t get into all that..

 

[SpoopD]

Thank you for the reply!
Like I said it didn't bother me as much in the early years but it has definitely gotten distracting. And now that I know it causes many of my other problems, I just wish I could get rid of it.
It has started to weight on my mental health and I'm a little scared that it's gonna throw me into a depressive episode.

 

[Gos]

Thank you for the reply!
Like I said it didn't bother me as much in the early years but it has definitely gotten distracting. And now that I know it causes many of my other problems, I just wish I could get rid of it.
It has started to weight on my mental health and I'm a little scared that it's gonna throw me into a depressive episode.

Zoloft + seroquel helped me tremendously..it makes you control any panic attacks and gets you more calm while thinking less. I am with medication if you can't control symptoms on your own.

 

[Chip1021]

Whether or not you seek help is up to you. If you don’t mind your issue, if it’s livable or workable, or doesn’t result in too significant distress, you might find it best to just continue life with it.

But if the experiences are really bad, uncomfortable, or unbearable, then trying to seek a solution could be worth your while. But a word of caution: a lot of “help” out there might not be very good, and could even make things worse. Your school psychologist is highly unlikely to provide you much direct help with this, though he could be helpful in directing you to certain resources in your community. The medical industry as a whole doesn’t seem to have a very good grip on this problem, but if you peruse this forum and others like it, you might find others whose problem is similar to yours who have found successful ways to manage or treat it. Caveat emptor, and good luck!