Depersonalization Support Forum banner

Sexuality and Dp/Dr

2822 Views 14 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  totallifetransformation
Dear All,

I can't stop thinking about my sexuality and I think a core part of that anxiety is driving my horrendous DP and DR.

I keep worrying that I am gay or bisexual, and I cannot accept that under any circumstances whatsoever.

I need to make this thread because I am so depressed about it.
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
is you're attraction to them that makes you question yourself?

Yeah its complicated man. I have sexual addiction and ended up one horrible night, having sex with a transgendered escort.

It's fucked me up since then because if I think about them, say, compared to "normal" women, then I get more of a "high" and an arousal-kick from the transgendered stuff.

But the whole thing feels extremely confusing, gross and suicide-inducing because i literally cannot take this anymore.
whatever genitalia a transgender woman has, she is still a woman. just, y'know. for future reference.
Yeah, but the c*** bothers me. That's what caused all the problems. Okay she might be a woman, but what implications does it have for me?

It's cray man.

Sorry to be graphic but I have to be honest.
Also, if I see pictures when they were guys, I feel sick.

Fully expecting to be gunned down here for homophobia or whatever. I don't obviously condone being abusive or horrible to these people.
Why not just accept yourself for who you are? If you like transgender people, that's okay! There's nothing wrong with being transgender and there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone who's transgender. Don't worry about whether that makes you gay or bisexual. Just accept yourself for what you are and pursue your attractions in healthy ways.
I was wondering if you have grown up in a very homophobic environment where the message was clear that anything approaching homosexuality was unacceptable? If so then the subject might become highly charged with the threat of rejection from family and peers, which could have the effect of both making you fearful and curious (forbidden fruit). It might help to look at why it would concern you if you were gay, as that might be the real issue and not what your sexuality actually is. If it didn't matter if you are gay or straight then it obviously wouldn't be an issue and you would just be yourself.
I mean, for real though, liking a trans girl doesn't make you gay, cuz you're not attracted to dudes. strapons weren't only invented for the sake of lesbians.
Eh, if you haven't questioned everything in the universe -- including your sexuality -- then you're just not doing DP right! Seriously though, lots of people here have questioned their existence, their reality, their personality and of course their sexuality. Questioning everything and fearing everything is sorta a big part of DP. In "Feeling Unreal" Simeon says there's a lot of evidence that points towards DP being tied into fear of rejection and I couldn't agree more. I know for me I have tons of shame and fear of rejection that date back to childhood and not being accepted by my father. I went through a stage in high school when my DP was pretty bad where I was constantly questioning my sexuality and losing my mind over whether I was gay or not -- even though I had absolutely no attraction to men.

So what you got off on something unconventional? Welcome to the realm of sexuality. It's all on a spectrum and nobody is really in the middle as much as society likes you to believe. The more you stress about it, think about it and reject yourself for it the worse it will bother you. Instead try and embrace it, be proud of it, welcome it. These are the things that make you human and considering DP makes you feel so much like a robot you should love all that weird stuff even more!
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Well, I believe you already know whether you're gay or straight. Do you want intimate relationships with men? Do you have a desire for sexual contact with males? Those questions will tell you everything you need to know regarding your orientation. But you must also know that either way, it's not a big deal. I have had what I would call man-crushes, where I look at a guy and say "wow, he's attractive" - and I've also fantasized about being a different man at certain points in my life. Yet at the same time, I have only been intimate (and had relationships) with women. The fact that the female element of the transgenderism appeals to you most tells me that you're more straight than gay. But again, any sort of fluidity or doubt in this area is normal. I wouldn't worry about it in the least. There is so much wiggle room in the middle too. You may be 5% gay, 95% straight, for instance. Or you may go through different phases where you prefer one gender more than the other. Again, it's all fine. Can you tell us why it bothers you so much?
See less See more
It's OCD not Depersonalization. I have OCD too and have had similar thoughts. If you like the other sex you wouldn't be disturbed by the thoughts. You have Pure O OCD like I do. Just like treating Depersonalization treating Pure O OCD involves you not forcing yourself to not think of the thoughts but rather divert your thoughts to something else. You can't control what you think but you can control how you react to your thoughts. First you need to determine if the thought is irrational or not. If it is then decide before you have the thought again that it is irrational. When you have the thought recognize it as an irrational thought and then divert your attention to something else. For instance when I have an irrational thought come into my mind i divert my thoughts to kittens. (random I know but it works). Focus your thoughts on something that is going to keep your attention. Anytime you have this thought continue the steps of diverting your attention. It will take practice but eventually your mind will do it on its own. Hope this helps ;)
See less See more
i wanted to bring this threed up again. for sure this has caused my dp or been the biggest factor.

i feel sick, sick, sick about this. it's honestly making me want to kill myself. difference is total life, is that i've actually had sexual contact with the opposite sex and you haven't.

i hate myself everyday for doing that and want to destroy my own brain for my sex addiction taking me there. WHY ddi this have to happen. i have started naltrexone but i can't tolerate it. i can try another med and see if i can basically strip away my libido.

at just 24 years old this is a fucking tragedy. its just makes me want to cry and cry.
What's so scary about bisexuality? Why does your sexuality need to be categorized?
I'm sorry you're going through so much pain man. You're right I haven't experienced that. I was just trying to help. There are things in life that happen. Whether good or bad. Life happens and sometimes we regret mistakes we have made in life. I've never done what you have done so I can't relate per say exactly but where I can relate is in the fact that I have done things in my life that I regret doing. In fact a lot of people have in their lives. It happened man. It's something that you don't want to hear but it did. What does dwelling on it do? Nothing but make you miserable. Trying to avoid thinking about it makes you think about it even more. Think about it...really think about what happened. Really put yourself in that position again. Then accept it and forgive yourself and move on with your life. I hope im not coming off as a dick. I'm just telling you what has helped me in my life. I've had friends who were raped, abused, or did terrible things to themselves or others. I'm not trying to undermine any of these things that have happened. The ones who were able to move on with their lives were the ones who talked it out with others no matter how embarrassing it was. (psychologists, family, close friends.) The ones who were able to move on with their lives were the ones who accepted what happened but didn't let that thing define them. It's difficult and not something that is going to be easy. But trying to numb yourself from your thoughts is not going to help. Talk it out, forgive yourself, move on with your life man. Im not a psychologist im just someone who is trying to help. :)
See less See more
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.