[Martinelv]

Now then, this post is probably so off-topic that it will probably fall off the edge of the forum, but I'd be sincerely interested in any comments, from both men and women.

Does anyone, like me, find the 'chase' of finding a sexual partner more thrilling than the, er, actual act of sex ? I'm curious, because for me the pre-sex (or not) fervour, like chatting up women on a date, catching someones eye or the anticipation of a possible 'result' is far more exciting (for wont of a better word) than getting down and dirty on a tiger skin rug by the fire. The actual 'act', for me, is usually somewhat a bit of a let down. Regardless of the unfortunate lady that I've seduced, enthusiastic or not, it's always the same. The adrenaline rush of meeting or charming a women, for me, is one of the most exciting things in my life, sad I know, except perhaps - reading a good book (not THE good book ( :wink: ) Sex is, except for a few times (usually on drugs) is 'never enough', and I almost instantly lose interest - sexually, not emotionally. It's like I expect something, or am waiting for something 'more' from the sexual act. Not to say that I've haven't experienced most, er (excuse my englishness), forms and varieties of sex, with beautiful, intelligent, challanging women, and others less so, but it always seems to be a full stop on the whole sordid escapade. Even with my ex-wife, who I had lusted after for years, adorded to the nth degree, was perfect physically, both 'spiritually' and emotionally, after the first few grots, the appeal faded away. Maybe I've been spoiled. Despite my distinctive 'averageness' of physical appeal and charm, I've always managed to do, well, quite well, in spite of being a reckless lardy mess.

Now I'm sure there are a multitude (or not) of psychological reasons for this, most of them will no doubt be damning to my personality, but I'd be interested in the numbers, the reasons, and any experiences. Is this just a normal facet of male sexuality, or am I one of the few amoungst the male of the species in this respect?

As an aside, I've always found women who are, lets say, sexually bland, far more attractive. The whole overt, heavily made up, skirts up to the hips, sexy underwear stuff, I find really quite off-putting. To my eternal shame, I actually laughed when an ex-girlfriend of mine dressed up for me in a french maids outfit. I'm always attracted to women in loose fitting jeans, sensible haircuts, and baggy jumpers. Unthreatening perhaps ? A lack of self-esteem ? I dunno.

 

[Guest]

Del Boy syndrome, when he actually becomes a 'miwyanairre'.

The thrill of the chase.

 

[g-funk]

it feels like I'm following you around the forum and replying to everything you write but I can assure it's nothing personal, I can't stand you really...
:wink:

I read (again, another book reference coming up, snore -Narcissism -Alexander Lowen) in a book and also, weirdly in Marie Clare magazine a few months ago, about Narcissism and related sex lives. I get what you're saying. It's a common problem, the the thrill of the chase and all that crap. I can't be bothered to find the article or re-read the book so this is my (probably wrong) summary of what it might mean.

Narcissists are more concerned with how other people regard them than how they feel. With that in mind we kind of operate our lives through an 'image', and kind of get out of touch with our true selves, and indeed our bodily selves, and are therefore more fulfilled by the thrill that others give us mentally rather than physically. Narcissists tend to drop people once that has been satisfied (think Darren Day and his serial affairs). In reality it should be a healthy mixture of both. Maybe more mentally, in the case of long term relationships.

I personally think a lot of us here suffer from narcissistic traits, image being so important to us since we aren't so sure of our true selves deep down. I'm sure someone like Janine could explain ten times better than me.

Anyway, my boyfriend much prefers me in jeans etc. which is good because Im a total tomboy.

 

[g-funk]

something else i just remembered and then i really must get on with my work, is that people quite often, rather than be totally engaged in the act, are kind of performing, almost imagining being watched, I dont mean in a voyeuristic sense, but in the same self watching way that dp happens. A bit like its a show, a bid to bump up the ego. The ego can only get thrills for so long that way.

 

[sebastian]

To be perfectly frank, while i still adore the whole flirtation process, or the "chase", the actual process of having sex has become such a tacticly taxing enterprise, that i'll find myself almost trying to sabotage anything before it gets to that stage.

Firstly, the vast majority of women who i could potentially sleep with, i meet in bars or clubs, and i am, absolutely invariably, well on may way toward inebriation at the point of meeting them. This becomes a very practical concern for me, and probably for a lot of men, as i find arousal very difficult when burdened with drunkeness. And what a horrible first impression it makes when you go back to a lady's house, only to pass out on top of her after a few slobbery kisses and failed attempts at insertion. The morning after apologies are just so awkward and embarrassing...and by this point, you're both disgustingly sober, smelling like day-old booze and ill-advised evening snacks, and overall feeling about as sexy as a wart on Dick Cheney's bottom.

Another concern is the whole disease angle. When you're a parnaoid neurotic like myself, you look for all kinds of signs that the woman may reveal to you on this front. Why does she not want to use a condom? What did those studies on oral sex say...is it safe/dangerous/risky? Oh God, when i was kissing her i thought i felt a lump in her mouth? Is it an open sore? Is her blood, as i speak, coursing down my esophogus, infiltrating my immune system, and delivering death and destruction to all my valiant red blood cells? The planners of the Normandy invasion didn't deal with such contingency planning and second guessing as me on a first date.

And then, even if the whole first date goes off without a hitch, we have the inevitable power struggle at the beginning of a relationship. It's either, "How do i get myself out of this situation? I don't want to call but if i ever see her again, i'll be plagued with guilt." Or it's "Damnit. She's not going to call me. What is wrong with people? Why can't they just be honest? Bloody whore." And then even if phone calls do go well, it can only go down hill from there. Jealousy, claustrophobia, overwhelming shelfishness. These are emotions i know well. It's almost better that i don't meet women in the first place, because no matter what road the relationship takes me, they're all heading for the cliff.

Then there are logistical concerns. Being extremely discontented with my life, i'll often paint the rosiest of pictures in the bar...making myself sound like Da Vinci reincarnated. And it can really only go downhill from that point. Once truths are exposed, the fastidiously assembled facade begins to fade, and with it the interest of said female.

Anyway, that's that. i have to go eat some chinese food now.

s.

 

[berlin]

just don't do it!

 

[Martinelv]

and overall feeling about as sexy as a wart on Dick Cheney's bottom.

:lol:

The term used over here is.."The thought of hungover, morning after sex with a s strange is as appetasing as a s.h.i.t sandwich"

 

[gimpy34]

Not a chance. I hate the chase 90% of the time. Which is probably why I rarely get any action. I don't understand how some guys can sit and give their undivided attention to a girl a whole night just to hook up with her. It takes a certain kind of gene to do that.

In the event that you end up liking the girl, it is a different story but that's pretty rare.

 

[person3]

Ugh. I just fell victim to one of your gender's chase scenario's

he tried to use the 'oh come on, live for the moment' excuse.

Yeah.

Should I burn the stuff of his that I have?

 

[Guest]

I myself will stick to pet chats.