[Absent]

I expect there's discussion here about this from time to time but here's what I would like to say.

I can't understand how anyone can have a relationship while in this disorder. Since my experience of reality is so vague or even absent I don't find I can have much in common with other people in terms of actual reality. Then whatever I do seems unreal and then isn't remembered as real so then it gets impossible - and embarrassing - trying to have any kind of relationship with anyone. When I was more with it I had a social life and I don't lack confidence etc but with dp it was a losing battle. If I meet a person one day and see them next week I don't get that they are the same or what we have in common from the first meeting. When I was in a relationship I couldn't understand she was real or the same person I'd been with in previous weeks and months, and at the end of it I couldn't have any connection at all with the time we'd been together. If I met someone I couldn't really be involved because of not really sharing time and experiences. Also, although I care I don't always feel that as DP takes some emotion away. So that's a problem. I'm not 'here' to be with anyone or to feel much. It's impossible! I can see it now.... hey girl, I'm in a dissociated state and can't understand you're real or feel much for the world including you - want to get together?!!!! Sorry, so miserable. I hate being single but it's threatening if I am not because I am 'non'. It only works in fantasy. I'm having a moan but see if it's familiar.

All very interesting you say, but when's he going to talk about sex? Oh alright then. Isn't it a wierd thing to do when you're not much aware of your body? I think it's a good idea to be there when it happens and with DPD I'm just not. It's scary. How does DPD affect this for you? What's that, a full moon? Yaaaaooooooooooooooowwwwooaoaooaoaoa! So no relationships which is a shame as it (sexuality) would help a lot as it something I can at least get a feeling about. But it's impossible. Then sometimes I don't care about it. sh*t! sh*t! So, with all these complications, no lurrve and no bonking. I wanted to go on about it.

 

[mulder]

I keep thinking about this too. I mainly have DR, but the way I feel is pretty much the same as you, like, I need to find somebody who's willing to give me a go, so that I can find out if it's possible to have a relationship or have some kind of intimate physical contact with somebody, and be ok with it. Hell, I find it hard to get the girls as it is, without my mind playing tricks on me too.

 

[jake]

Hey Absent, I do relate to this frustration or fear too. I gotta say you have kept a sense of humor about it all though and hey I know women like funny guys. I was in a relationship for a year the last time and the woman appeared at first to respect me as I am and as time went on though and I wasn't able to do all the socializing with her that she wanted, it kinda went downhill. I have to be careful who I am atracted to though cuz it seems I pick women who have a bit of judgemental streak about performance in life. I guess thats my own issue to deal with I need no help judging me. I enjoyed the post though. I think there is hope for us we just have to get to where we accept ourselves maybe? On the sex thing, yeah, it was good though. But I did notice I spaced out sometimes.

 

[revdoc]

Thankyou for that message, Absent. I have just about the same problem. I didn't have a girlfried until I was 38 (now 43), and my depersonalisation has made it very difficult. I feel as if I'm defrauding her, because my 'feelings' don't feel like feelings. There's a wall in between me and reality, so there's a wal between me and herl This has caused her much distress.It's very difficult.

 

[Absent]

Thank-you for all the replies, I'm grateful. I guess we can all sympathise then - and it is a painful situation to be in. This condition can block the thing that might bring most peace. I know what you mean revdoc, about a sense of defrauding your girlfriend. I feel that with any friendship - like how can I present myself as somebody there at all, let alone for them, when I can't feel that I am in the world?

 

[Sojourner]

Find a therapist in your area:

http://www.apsa.org/members/olroster.htm
http://www.psychoanalysis.org.uk/uklist.htm

 

[Isobel]

Hope this isnt a guys only thread, lol

i just dont get turned on at all with DP



~

*sigh*